WILL

�It�s Su� The girl beside me stuck out her hand as the woman out front finally allowed us to escape, poems over, all our insides a jumble of nerves.  �That�s without the �e��

I smiled and took the outstretched hand �Yeah, I could hear that, I�m Will�

�Cute� She said quickly and I let out a nervous laugh.

�I�m sorry?�

�The accent,� She smiled and I cringed inside, all too aware I was blushing �Don�t worry I�m not coming onto you�

�I didn�t think you were,� I replied a little too quickly, withdrawing my hand after realising it had held hers that little bit too long, I tried to save myself �But according to me you�re the one with the accent�

�Not in England baby� * Baby? * She laughed, �Okay, I promise never, ever to say that again� I�m just nervous, it slips out sometimes�

�What does?�

�My inner-American-high-school-prom-queen�

�We don�t talk like that� I smiled,

�You don�t? Oh well, my dream had to be shattered some day,� She shrugged �And just so you know, we don�t take afternoon tea on the lawn either� She added an over-the-top English upper-class lilt to her voice.

�I�ll remember� We stood, smiling, silent for a moment, before I noticed Jack hovering uncertainly behind Su�s right shoulder �Hey Jack, this is Su, without the �e��

�Hiya Jack� She turned to shake his hand, drawing him expertly into the conversation �So you two know each other then?�

I caught his eye subtly �You could say that�

�We met on the plane,� Jack added as way of explanation.

�Well, actually it was the underground,�

�He was lost, I came to his rescue�

Su laughed, �Wow, you two really have the old double act thing going on already�

A moment of silence, in which my eyes slid over to meet Jacks, it was him who broke the spell.

�You know you don�t have to pick up American phrases just �cause you�re talking to us�

For a second she looked confused, before laughing, �Nope, this is really how we talk�

�Yeah� I added, looking at Jack �No afternoon tea on the lawn�

�Exactly,� She finished with a smile.

JACK

�Jack, Will, this is Lucy and Jon� For a moment we had lapsed again into companionable silence, the kind of silence anyone outside of the pair often finds uncomfortable, therefore it was Su who broke the hush, almost physically catching the couple who threatened to walk by without a greeting. Uncomfortable pleasantries were passed, compliments made about poems and hands shaken across the group before Su seemed to be satisfied �Well, now we�re all together we can go out and celebrate!� Her intent was obvious, the group seemed already to have paired off and the role of gooseberry seemed to her a much more appealing one than being stranded alone in an unfamiliar city. The rest of the group recognised this immediately, and locked in some silent understanding we merely smiled and allowed ourselves to be led.


�So, Jack, Will. Tell us a bit about yourselves.� Su seemed to be doing most of the talking, as, we soon realised, was her character. We were all sat round a booth in a caf� just around the corner from the institute, seated so that Su was in the middle sandwiched between Will and I, Jon and Lucy. It became clear quite early on that the other three had already met at the interviews, Will and I having probably just missed them as they went off for coffee together.

�Not much to say really, both small town America, different states, same poetry competition� Will replied- I let him do the talking, happy to sip at my tasteless coffee and watch the conversation unfurl around me, my eye never straying far from the figure of Will by my side. This was a feeling I had yet to top, the feeling of being accepted, safe and happy with another who seemed just as safe and happy with you- on the surface at least.

Yes, I suppose that surprised you, you expected this small, fuzzy, little soliloquy about how happy everything was, about how wonderful life had become now I�d found the love of my life- well I�ve never been that idealistic. Will had problems, I was well aware of that, they were the reason he would switch from overly happy to worried and cold at a blink of an eye, they were the reason for his doubts and I couldn�t blame him, I was having doubts too. However you defined our relationship we were together, and when two people are together they become a couple- couples don�t work too well when one of the pair is only half devoted to the cause, unsure of where he or she wants to be. With one half down a couple soon disintegrates into a single, and you�re back where you started.

Suddenly I became aware that the group�s gaze had shifted over to me.

�Sorry,� A nervous laugh, �What did you say?�

�How did you get mixed up in this competition?� Lucy asked again from across the table, obviously similar to Su in personality although the contrast in looks could not have been more striking. Lucy was dark for a start, short hair and startling green eyes that seemed to flash when she spoke, her face round, her body slim and small. Her poem had come after mine, something I barely remembered through the relief that mine was over.

�I kinda got forced into it against my will, my best friend entered me� I said haltingly, rolling my eyes as if to say; you know how they are �What about everyone else?�

�I applied, needed some cash, thought I might as well do what I love for it,� Lucy replied

�I�m the same, thought I could use the prize money, didn�t think I�d get this far though� Su interjected

There wasn�t really much to say after that. Technically we were all just strangers, meeting by chance because we had once written a poem that was considered one of the best written by teenagers in the English-speaking world. Thinking about it I suppose it was quite a big deal. My mind cast back to the first time I�d seen the flyer for the competition, Jen had put it in my hands not long after I received the letter inviting me here. I remember thinking how familiar it looked, having subconsciously taken in its appearance when tacked to the English room door or notice-board, yet somehow at the same time I managed to feel totally and utterly detached from it, as if I were not the one entering the finals at all, but some alter-ego of myself, laid to rest many months before. Two lines now, however, with all this talk of prize money, stuck out: Winner will receive �2000 cash, for him or herself and their place of education. I remember thinking then how stuck-up it sounded.

�So are you all from Britain then?� Will was trying to be conversational by my side.

�Yep, Luce and I are from England, Jon�s from Scotland� Su was the one to reply �But I guess you already noticed that�

�Yeah, pretty obvious, you stick out almost as much as we do!� Will laughed turning to Jon, who returned the smile �So whereabouts exactly do you live then?� And the conversation managed to kick-start itself once again.


�Three hours!� He said between kisses, his warm breath tickling my face �Three whole hours I haven�t had you to myself�

I laughed, �I bet it�s killing you inside�� I said sarcastically.

�It is!� Another kiss �I mean just think we could have been doing this all day rather than sitting talking to these people�

�They�re interesting,�

�And fun,� Kiss �and witty,� Kiss �and new� Kiss �and intelligent� Kiss �But they�re not you�

I laughed again �You�re like a kid with a new toy, you know that?�

�I definitely do not feel like a kid� He ran a hand up to the back of my neck to pull me closer, his tongue continuing its exploration of the inside of my mouth.

�We probably shouldn�t be doing this here� I was the one to break off, glancing around to check the doorway. We�d escaped to the men�s room, ignoring the anti-herding instinct men were supposed to possess concerning visits to the bathroom.

For a moment he looked at me, more serious for a moment �Why is it always you that breaks away?�

I smiled, leaning in to meet his lips again, my own warning forgotten �Perhaps I�m the only one with control of my libido�

�I have control,� He laughed, nibbling hungrily at my mouth �I�ve not got you pinned against the door rapidly parting with your clothing yet, have I?�

�Is that what you�re planning?� I laughed, joking.

�Not here� He replied, promising, a smile in his voice.

I drew away, suddenly much more sober, and watched him in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

�Perhaps we should go back� Suddenly I couldn�t meet his eye �They�re gonna wonder what�s happened to us� I tried to cover, but he didn�t buy it.

�What�s up?� He asked, concerned �Look, I was only joking, if I�m making you uncomfortable��

For a moment I simply stared at him, trying to puzzle out the person behind the pretty face. It was a while before I opened my mouth to speak, still unsure of what I was about to say, only to be cut off abruptly by someone entering the men�s room; we jumped apart, widening the void that seemed to have already begun to open even without the intrusion.

Conversation cut short we were forced to retreat back to the restaurant.


�Well you two took your time� Su said with a smile as we returned to our table, slightly further apart than we had been when we left, both metaphorically and physically. �We were beginning to think you�d done a runner�

�No, no,� Will�s ability to put on a pleasant smile was amazing �Just distracted�

Su laughed, �I bet you were!� she said enthusiastically before turning back to her menu �Jon, Lucy desert? I think Jack and Will have already had theirs� She said it pleasantly enough, processing our situation with only cheerful acceptance, even so I was aware my cheeks were burning.

�What�s that supposed to mean?� Will. A line that surprised even me, I still couldn�t figure him out. There was silence for a moment in which Su simply stared back at him, stunned.

�I-I�m sorry, with Jack�s poem, I just thought��

Will tired to laugh it off, sounding artificial even to me. I merely sat silently in the corner, stomach churning with that same agonising feeling that arises whenever something like this comes to light.

�Well, I think you thought wrong,� Will�s voice was unnervingly a-matter-of-fact.

�Oh well, sorry guys, that�ll teach me not to make assumptions in the future�� She caught both our eyes with a smile before turning back to the others, her apology genuine. �Now, ice-cream anyone?� I couldn�t stay.

WILL

�Jack! Jack, wait!� I�d had to follow him, a rushed excuse and hurried escape were not the kind of behaviour anyone could just laugh off, it was clear he was upset and there was nothing I could do to ignore it. I hurried up behind him, grabbing his shoulder to try and turn him toward me.

�Fuck off Will� Three words, delivered like a punch in the stomach.

�Jack, come on, don�t be like this� It was a moment before I regained my composure, but the moment I did I was following him again.

�Don�t be like what Will?� He spat over his shoulder �Don�t be angry? �Cause I think I have a hell of a cause to be angry�

�What do you mean?�

Finally he stopped, turning to face me, the close proximity of his face, comforting and sensual only a few minutes before suddenly because threatening.

�You know what I mean Will� A weighted pause �What the hell is your game?�

�My game? I don�t have a game�

�What would you call it then?� His tone was angry, loud, before he dropped it slightly. �You spend all morning flirting with me, holding my fucking hand under the table for gods sake, then you start talking about sleeping with me before down right denying we have anything between us at all in front of the rest of them!�

�They didn�t need to know�

�No, they didn�t need to know, but if they�d already assumed where�s the point in denying it?� It was clear who had the power in the conversation.

�I wasn�t ready��

�So you weren�t ready to tell three nice, caring, considerate people about the fact that we were together, but you think your ready for sex?�

�I didn�t say that�

�You practically did�� A pause �You run so hot and cold Will, and I don�t think it�s just me you�re beginning to confuse�

�Who else?�

�Su, Jon, Lucy �yourself�

We faced each other for a moment; I had no idea what to say.

�This is really not the best place to be discussing this,� I said finally, breaking his eye contact.

He laughed, bitterly �Tell me you just did not say that��

�Perhaps we should talk about this some other time�

�We have to face this Will, here�s as better place than any�

�Couldn�t we go somewhere more private?�

�That�s the point! Look, tomorrow you�re gonna have to stand up in front of an auditorium full of people for real and recite to them the poem you had a hell of a lot of difficulty reciting to just us and a couple of tech�s this morning.� He seemed to be physically stopping himself from reaching out and shaking me �You have to come to terms with the fact that you wrote it about a guy Will, they may not realise it, but you will�

Silence for a moment �Su and the others are gonna be wondering where we�ve gone� I spoke quietly, not sure if I was unable to process his words, or just refusing to do so.

�Fuck Su and the others, they�re bright people, they�re gonna have already worked out what�s going on here, but its not about them, its about us. No, not even us, its about you, Will� He paused for a long moment, looking down at the pavement before meeting my eyes once again �I really like you Will, you know that, but you�re messed up. You�re confused, and I can understand what you�re going through, I went through it myself a while back, but that�s just it, its in my past now, I can�t go back and tell you what to feel, how to live your own life. I think, perhaps, if you�re going to have any hope of reading this poem tomorrow I�m gonna have to back off, let you get your head straight. You need to decide what it is you want, Will, not what others seem to want you to want, and that�s something you have to do alone.�

There was a trace of a sad smile on his face as he finished speaking, finally calm. He stopped and looked at me for a long time then, studying my face as if there was a possibility he would never see it again, before slowly he lent over and gently kissed my forehead. I flinched at his touch, the people milling around us obviously forgotten by him, but painfully obvious to me. He simply laughed sadly at my reaction, shaking his head before he turned to walk away.