Part 1
by JezT ([email protected])
Spoilers: Up to Series 3 Finale but veers from Cannon a little.
Summary: Experimentation made Dawson think, but what will it take to make him act?
Dedication: For Tienco, who made me believe that Jack deserved a better ending.
Author's notes: I know that boy's aren't well known for keeping journals, but a few close male friends have admitted to me that they do so allow a little artistic licence if you don't believe me...
Dawson's Journal
He lays asleep in my arms, because here in my dreams he never left. Instead of waking alone after my first sexual experience...experiment really, he is here telling me that it will all work out, that we will still be friends. In reality it is so much different, Jack may be the polar opposite of Joey but in the end they were both the same, the transition that started with my soul mate breaking my heart is complete. Dawson Leery no longer believes in happy endings...
Dawson lay down his pen and sighed, three weeks since he had heard from any of his friends, three weeks since his Jack had left him alone and confused with the weird thoughts and feelings in his head. Bessie had told him that Jack was in Providence, it was difficult for anyone to keep a secret in Capeside. He was alone and confused, with Gail and Mitch off on a second honeymoon (and now apparently too young to be called Mom and Dad.) there was no one to discuss his experiences with. Dawson was about to get up and make himself a drink when there was a knock on the door. The local Girl Scouts would be at camp, there were no Jehovas Witnesses in Capeside and all his friends were away, probably a travelling salesman, he mused. Dawson was shocked to open the door to find the cause of his confusion and frustration standing on his porch.
"Hi" Dawson said nervously, not knowing the exact protocol for such situations.
"Dawson...Hi...erm..."Jack stuttered shifting nervously from foot to foot trying to decide where to begin, despite having three weeks to prepare for this he was still a nervous wreck.
"Come in." Dawson said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Jack followed and the pair sat at opposite ends of the couch as if touching would cause an allergic reaction. A painful silence settled in the room as each searched for the right words or relevant platitudes for the situation.
"I'm Sorry." Dawson said finally. "I should never have done what I did, I was curious and wanted to experiment but I should not have treated you like a lab rat." Dawson watched the pained expression cross Jack's face. "We're friends, at least I hope we are, and I should not have abused that friendship." Jack felt his heart break a little as he felt the love he had grow at Dawson's selflessness.
"I should have stopped it, I mean I was the responsible gay man, I'm meant to be the experienced one."
"And I'm irresponsible?" Dawson asked.
"No, but it was my mistake to fall for a straight guy and confuse you when I let my emotions get the better of me."
"You wanted me to?" Dawson asked in disbelief, he had never thought that Jack might reciprocate his feelings.
"I always had the problem of wanting what I couldn't have." Jack said trying to lighten the atmosphere.
"Who said you couldn't have it?" Dawson replied seriously. Jack stared at him in stunned silence, then gulped nervously trying to find the right answer, it appeared that none was necessary as Dawson was leaning in to kiss him and as their lips met all reasonable thought left Jack's head. Responsible or not he wanted this and he was not going to deny himself the chance to see how far Dawson would take it.
They were both lying on the couch, shirts open and hands everywhere when Dawson pulled away, Jack was beginning to have second thoughts and thinknig that Dawson was about to punch his lights out when a hand lay on his chest and a thumb tentatively brushed a nipple, Jack did all he could do, he gasped in both pleasure and surprise.
"Jack?" Dawson asked nervously, knowing that Jack was little more experienced than he himself was.
"God," Jack sighed, "You...you expect me to form conscious thought with you doing that?" Jack replied as Dawson leaned down and took the nipple in his mouth gently kissing and sucking at the reddening skin. Jack knew that he ought to do something, stop this now, take the lead, do something, but all he watned to do was take Dawson upstairs and do all of the things that he had been fantasising about for months. Dawson was kissing a path down to the snap of Jack's jeans when he felt the hand gently brush his hair, looking up he saw the fear and need mixing in Jack's eyes. Dawson smiled as he began to understand, it was more complicated for Jack, he realised, there was feelings and fantasy wrapped up in it. Pulling gently away Dawson moved back up and lay in Jack's arms. They lay there for a while, touching gently and kissing lightly, talking about the three weeks they had been apart and the people that they missed most. Jack's mind was on the fact that school started in two weeks, he knew that Dawson would forget him as soon as Joey was back on the scene, but until then maybe he and the blonde could have a little fun, after all, it wasn't like there were any other serious offers in a one starbucks, one gay man town like Capeside.
Dawson stared at the screen door for the fifth time in as many minutes, he was waiting for Jack to come over as he had done every day for the last week, they were going to watch videos and make out, which was pretty much what they had done every day that week since Dawson had told Jack that he could have what it was that he wanted. Dawson felt a little guilty that Jack was obviously deeply attracted to Dawson, while he was only using Jack for his body at least that is how it had started, but now he was not so sure.
Dawson's nights had been troubled with dreams of Jack, sometimes they were just kissing, sometimes other stuff that Dawson did not want to think about, but the androgenous person that had figured before was now always Jack, and the erotic dreams that he had about Joey were now only a memory of before the summer. Dawson wondered what it would be like to be in a real relationship with Jack and what the rest of Capeside would think.
The door that he was staring at opened and a surprising figure came through it, Mitch Leery stood on his porch looking at his son who was staring at him in disbelief.
"Hey Dawson" His Dad said as his son almost died of shock. "Your mother and I decided to come home early to get ready for you going back to school."
"Hi Dad." Dawson said as he automatically moved to help him with the bags that he was carrying. "Good trip?"
"You looked like you were expecting someone else." His father commented as he shut the open door.
"Oh, Jack's coming over to watch videos later." Dawson said. "plus it was really warm in here." he commented quickly, trying to think of an excuse as to why he had reddened at the mention of his very male friend. As if by some power of God at the precise moment when Dawson was about to fall to his knees and confess the whole sordid tryst to his father Jack walked in.
"Hey, Mr. Leery." Jack said nervously.
"How's my star football player?" Mitch enquired. "Ready to go back to school and win us the season?"
"I'm fine, and I'm sure that we'll kick some ass this year." Jack replied uneasily. Gail chose that moment to enter having been in the car, Dawson could only hope that it was getting the bag that she carried and not to do with her apparently wind swept hair.
"Come along Mitchell, I'm sure the boys have better things to do" She said pulling him to sit with her on the couch, Dawson knew when it was time to leave, there were certain things that could irrevocably ruin a childhood and seeing your parents (especially as newlyweds) making out was one of them.
Jack and Dawson sat uncomfortably on Dawson's bed, both knowing that they needed to have the discussion but neither knowing where to start.
"Jack"
"Dawson"
They began simultaneously. "You first." Dawson said to Jack.
"Look, I've loved every minute of this summer, in fact it has been the best summer to date."
"But?" Dawson prompted.
"but, I don't think that we ought to see each other as more than friends. I know that when I agreed to this I knew that we would keep it to ourselves, but..."
"I love you." Dawson interrupted, seeing the pain that was passing over Jack's face as he tried to do the valiant thing. "Jack?" Dawson said as his friend sat staring at him in silence. "Now would be a good time to say something so that I don't think that I have made a complete fool out of myself." In answer Dawson got a faceful of Jack and before he knew it the two were making out as if nothing had ever happened.
The pair had not really evolved much past kissing and the occasional grope, but as they decided to further their relationship it was that day that Mitch decided that he had to talk to his son, it was almost a case of de ja vu for the Leery's, except never in a million years would they have expected to find Dawson and Jack, literally caught with their pants down.
"Her Hmm." Mitch loudly coughed to get the attention of the two boys. "Dawson, your mother and I would like to see you downstairs just as soon as you are dressed appropriately." He said before closing the door and leaving to find his wife.
"Oh God." Jack said, his face completely white. "Dawson..." He stared at his boyfriend, no doubt his ex-boyfriend after this little discussion and was surprised to see that Dawson was amused by the whole thing. In answer Dawson leaned over to kiss Jack briefly and then threw his shirt at him.
"Well, it'll give them a taste of their own medicine. Maybe they'll think twice before utilising the coffee table for anything but afternoon tea." He joked. "Now get dressed. I am not facing the two of them alone."
"So, Dawson..." His father started as they sat in the lounge and his parents attempted to bring up the subject of what they had seen.
"Mom, Dad, This is Jack. My new boyfriend." Dawson said. "I'm Bisexual, it's nothing that you did and yes I am lucky that I found someone so quickly." He said matter of factly, Jack and the Leery's stared at Dawson in disbelief. He did not understand why they were so confused, he'd had three weeks to figure it all out in his head. "Any questions?" He asked, a resounding silence answered him. "Okay, then Jack and I were going to watch a film." He said pulling Jack up and keeping hold of the hand that he held.
"Dawson." His father said. "I think that if you want to watch it, you'd better do it down here, don't you." Dawson nodded and smiled, knowing that the statement was not only a reprimand for having been caught but also a veiled acceptance of the change that they had discovered. As Dawson and Jack settled doen to watch "Jaws" Jack looked at his boyfriend in awe, to him it felt like Dawson had done a 180 flip, but to Dawson it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, now all he had to do was face school and Joey.
Jack's Journal
Well, all good things must come to an end, I keep expecting to wake up from a dream but Dawson tells me that these last two weeks are not that but that it is all real. Last week he told me that he loved me and now I wonder how long this will last once we are back at school. Dawson wants to break the news to our closest friends before school, to tell them so that they will be prepared for the shock of it all, he evens says that he'll put up with Pacey and Joey being together, perhaps a sign that he truly is over her. We'll see...
Dawson, Jack, Jen and Andie waited on the dock for the boat to come in, it was the day before school was due to start and everyone was wondering what change had occurred over the summer to make Dawson so ready to greet his friends that before the summer had not been his friends any more. Jack was bursting with excitement both at the news that he had to share and that the whole group would be reunited, he was unsure how Dawson would react seeing the love of his life again though.
As Pacey and Joey manouvered "True Love" into the harbour they were totally surprised by the welcoming committee that had come to see them home and as they neared the shore were even more surprised that Dawson was among the number.
Dawson waited nervously as Pacey and Joey moored the boat and weighed anchor for the last time on "True Love"'s maiden voyage, he made his way to the side and was there to help Joey as she jumped from the boat.
"Hey Jo, Good summer?" He enquired as if nothing had been wrong between them for the past year.
"Dawson...Hi..." Joey said, the question that had kept her preoccupied all week long still unanswered. Could they still be friends? Dawson turned away from Pacey but smiled as he caught up with them and made a show of putting his arm around Joey, Dawson had his own brunette now and while he still loved Joey he realised that it was only ever meant to be as friends. Seeing the insecurity in his boyfriend's eyes Dawson fought the urge to comfort Jack, there was plenty of time after they had broken the news to the group.
"We've got a picnic and everything." Andie cooed, the tablets she had been taking only taking the edge from her natural high about being home and ready to go back to school. "How was the fantastic voyage?"
"Crass Sci-Fi." Pacey commented with his familiar light jibe, "but Florida was cool, and we've got presents and tonnes of stories." He said, glad that there was actually people that had missed him in Capeside even if his best friend had ignored him and his family had probably not even missed him.
"We have stories of our own." Dawson said with a wink to Jack that made him blush.
"Something tells me theirs can wait." Andie squealed. "What did we miss?" Jack felt as if the blood fron his entire body was accumulated in his cheeks as they burned bright red, he could not belive that he was going to say this, he couldn't. "Jack?" She persisted. Dawson saw Jack'e reluctance so moved around the table to kiss his new boyfriend. Four mouths dropped in shock before Jen followed by the others burst out into fits of giggles.
"Oh, good one boys. Had me going there for a minute." Jen said, Jack looked hurt but Dawson did not move even when Jack shrugged off the hand that lay on his shoulder. Ofcourse they would not believe them, Jack thought, why would a guy like Dawson fall for me?
"Dawson? This isn't funny." Joey said when Dawson made no move to leave Jack's side. "If this is just some jealous way of trying to get me back then I'm sorry but I love Pacey." Jack felt himself shrink away into the safe place in his mind as he heard the arrogance and self absorption in Joey's voice, she thought that Dawson was only doing this to get back at her, a thought that had crossed Jack's own mind too.
"I'm not joking, I'm not doing this to get back at anyone, in fact I am glad that you and Pacey are together. The only reason that I am telling you this is that tommorrow when School starts Jack and I will walk in hand in hand, I wanted you to be pre-warned so that you wouldn't deny this to anyone. We love each other." Dawson held Jack's hand as he pulled him away from the crowd but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Pacey, who had been instrumental in Jack's coming out and his acceptance of being gay, stopped Dawson and put out his hand.
"I'm proud of you, man." He told Dawson. Despite what had happened less than three months before Dawson took Pacey's hand and shook it. Without Joey in between them maybe there was a chance that they could save their friendship. Jen was next, she hugged Jack and then Dawson, whispering threats into the blonde's ear about what she would do if he hurt Jack, some of which Dawson was not sure if they were anatomically possible, but he got the message. Andie welcomed him to the family and then it came to Joey, dear sweet Joey, his soul mate.
"I bought you a present from Key West." She said, as if she were ignoring the fact that her best friend had just come out. "It's a brick from Hemingway's house." She told him as he stared at the red brick in his hand.
"He shot himself Jo." Dawson said a little perterbed by her statement.
"Yes, but it was more of a message about building up our friendship again." She said. "I feel like after this that I don't know you anymore."
"We can still be friends Jo. Three months ago I wouldn't have thought so but love can change a man." He said pulling Joey into a hug. "I missed you." He whispered as she held him close.
They sat around to eat the lunch that Grams had packed for them and Dawson placed the brick in the middle of the table. They did not know it then but it would become a sign of the group over the next year, a milestone to measure the past by and a building block for the future.
The End