By Tarowen ([email protected])
Pairing: Jack/Multi
Summary: Meeting up with Ethan at Capefest isn't as easy as Jack had hoped.
Author's Notes: This is basically an alternate universe rewrite of Four to Tango and Barefoot at Capefest. What if it were Ethan instead of Ben who emailed Jack his picture? What if things didn't go quite as planned...for anybody?
Warnings: More talk than action. Sorry!
Spoilers: Four to Tango, Barefoot at Capefest
"Yowza--Holy jalapenos, Batman!"
"God, Andie!" Jack jerked around, cheeks reddening. The lab was so chaotic he hadn't even heard his sister sneak up. "Aren't you supposed to be in history?" He reached to close the picture on the screen, but Andie slapped her hand on the mouse.
"We got out early," she explained. "Is that him?" Jack sighed.
It was the Thursday before Capefest, drizzly and unwelcoming. The school stank of wet raincoats, and floors squeaked underfoot. It was not an atmosphere conducive to forbearance.
"Yes, sister dear," Jack drawled. "Thanks to your persistent interference--"
"One email!" Andie objected. "I wrote one email, which you should have had the guts to write yourself." She smiled sweetly. "And since you watched me do it, you can hardly complain. Surely a big, strong, football player like yourself could have stopped a helpless little girl like me- -"
"Helpless? Helpless?" Jack echoed. "I'd like to see the football player who could get *you* to do *anything*."
"Mmm," Andie mused appreciatively. "So would I. Any prospects?" Jack blew out an exasperated breath as his sister pulled up a chair. "Oh, come on, Jack," Andie wheedled. "You had to respond to Ethan's note--it was so nice of him to write after seeing the story about you on the web. Kind of put paid to your theory you're the only gay guy every to come out of Capeside, doesn't it? Even if he's off at boarding school now."
"Andie!" Urgently Jack indicated the boisterous lab.
"Nobody's paying any attention," Andie retorted.
"Honestly! And people tell me I need to relax? Watch that blood pressure, Batman!" Laughing, she turned back to the screen. "Let's focus on something a little more interesting, shall we?"
As Jack gritted his teeth, his sister studied Ethan: his thick, rumpled dark hair, his arched brows, silver-blue eyes framed by dark lashes, and the faint smile that seemed to promise... "God, he's gorgeous!" She declared. "You have to meet him at Capefest this weekend. He's perfect!"
"For you, maybe. Quit drooling on the keyboard."
Andie smacked him. "Well? Now you've seen each other--"
"He hasn't seen me," Jack interrupted. He clicked back to Ethan's email. "The pictures on the football story site weren't working. I checked, and he's right. He said he emailed the webmaster, but they're still broken."
"Well, we'll just send a different picture. Oh, by the way, since he gave us their number, I called his parents last night--"
"Andie!!"
"I didn't tell them anything," she reassured him. "God, you really do have an account at Paranoids-R-Us, don't you? I pretended I was from the public library, reviewing his account because he hadn't checked out anything in a while."
Jack cast her a sidelong glance. "I forsee a life of crime and fraud."
"That's redundant. And he's for real, by the way." She manipulated the mouse. "Now, let's see..."
"What are you doing?" Jack glanced at the clock. "Oh, crap. We're going to be late." He snatched his pack. "I'll send the picture later. Come on!"
"I just have study hall, and Kromer's always behind schedule." Andie clicked feverishly. "I'll take care of it. Remember those player pictures on the Capside High website? I'll send the one of you. You look awesome in your uniform. Ethan will be the one drooling on the keyboard."
"Andie..."
"Don't you trust me?" She blinked winsomely.
"No."
Andie pouted. "Come on, Jack. My life is so dull. I need my vicarious thrills!"
"Oh, great. That's what this is? That's what my non- existent love life is to you?"
"You're going to be late for class," she pointed out, focusing on the screen.
"Shi--" Jack flicked eyes to the lab teacher. "Hell," he corrected. "Andie, if you do anything other than send that picture--"
"Go!" She commanded, still clicking.
With a heartfelt groan, Jack raced down the hall.
To everyone's relief, Friday dawned clear and brisk, the sky a ringing blue and the trees a fanfare of russet and gold.
"So Jack--did you remember the tent for tonight?" Jen asked as they parted after lunch.
"Andie said she dug it out," Jack nodded. "And the sleeping bags."
"Tell me again why she's not coming?"
"I forget--one of her many extracurricular activities," Jack grinned. "Just call her Miss Team Spirit."
"Right. What are you up to now?" Jen pushed blonde curls off her face.
"Umm...thought I'd check my email," Jack said nonchalantly, then bid her goodbye and hurried to the lab.
As usual, the lab was crowded with students, typing, swearing, exchanging half-hearted insults. The teacher was staring out the window, doubtless wishing to be anywhere else. Peering around, Jack located his sister.
"Where have you been?" Demanded Andie. "I'm supposed to be at a meeting for--"
"Sorry." Jack folded onto a seat. "Jen wanted to discuss Capefest, since we're leaving right after school. You did find the tent and sleeping bags?"
"Of course--they're in our front hall, waiting for you. Now check your email!"
"I'm surprised you didn't just do it for me," he snorted, punching keys.
"Jack, I respect your privacy!"
Her brother threw her a look of incredulous disbelief. Before either could say more, however, Ethan's missive appeared on the screen. Brother and sister bumped heads in their eagerness to read.
'Hey, Jack! Great picture. I've always been partial to blonds--'
"*Blonds*??!!" Breaking off, Jack turned, with elaborate precision, to his sister. "Andie...? What have you done??"
"Nothing! I just sent your picture--"
"A picture in which I was *blond*??!"
Andie bit her lip. "Oh, God." Swiftly she closed windows and brought up the Capeside homepage. "I was so sure I'd gotten the right one--the pictures were so slow to download, but I *knew* I remembered which was yours--and I didn't want to be *too* late--"
"I don't believe this. You sent the *wrong picture*?"
"Maybe! God, Jack--" The football pictures were slowly downloading.
"Which one did you send?" Jack demanded.
"This one!" She jabbed at the thumbnail. "I remembered looking at the site before and this was you-- Oh, no."
"Oh no is right," Jack said grimly. "They must have added new pictures." Repossessing the mouse, he clicked on the thumbnail. A few moments later, they were gazing at a rather attractive photo of Henry Parker.
Andie cast a sidelong glance at her brother, and then bubbled up laughing. "Oh, well. It's not that big a deal, Jack. We'll just tell Ethan what happened and send the right one. I'm sure once he sees you he'll forget all about Henry."
"Before you do anything else, I'm going to finish that email," Jack declared. He clicked back, and continued reading.
"'I'm so glad you decided to go to--'" Once again Jack rounded on his sister. "You told him I'd meet him at Capefest? Andie!"
"I just said you'd be there, and if you saw him..." She bit her lip and gave him her famous 'oops!' look, all wide eyes, raised brows, and sideways smile.
"I believe I'll kill you now."
"Blood makes keyboards all ooky," Andie pointed out.
"I'll make it a bloodless coup," Jack retorted, eyes glinting.
"Uh...why don't you read the rest of the message first?" His sister suggested brightly. "Maybe he's broken his leg and won't be going."
"My luck's not that good," Jack said glumly, but turned back to the screen. "'I will look for you at the campground, but no pressure. Like you, I'm not looking for anything more than a new friend. I won't be able to send any more email today, since I leave after lunch to catch the Capefest bus (what's a few skipped classes compared to a weekend of great music?). I'll look forward to meeting you, Jack. Thanks for having the courage to go. --Ethan.'"
Jack turned to his sister. "It's too late. We can't send the picture because he won't have time to see it." He blinked dumbly, then realization dawned. "Christ! Henry's going to Capefest! I gotta warn him--" He made to rise.
"Wait! You need the picture of Ethan," Andie reminded him. "I'm printing it now."
"What, you want me to stick it up in my locker?" Jack inquired sarcastically.
"No, Einstein," Andie rolled her eyes. "You need it to show Henry, so he knows who to look for."
"Sorry." Jack grabbed his books, looking harassed. "God! I really don't need this now," he muttered, then saw Andie's face and relented. "Look, I know you were only trying to help, sis. It's just..."
"I know. I'm sorry. Go get your picture--I'll see you after Capefest. And I'll want details!" She called after his departing back.
"Jen!"
"Where have you been?" Jen demanded as Jack dashed up. School was out, and she was waiting with Grams' car in the parking lot. "We have to get the food and pick up your tent and swing by for Pacey--"
"Jen, have you seen Henry? I've been looking for him all day--"
"God, don't talk to me about Henry," Jen swore, yanking open the car door. "Do you know what he did today? Climbed up on a table in the middle of the cafeteria and recited a love sonnet he'd written for me! God, I swear sometimes I could strangle him with his own dangling participles!"
"Well, you can do that later, but have you seen him recently?"
Jen threw him an exasperated look. "Why on earth would you want to talk to Henry? Never mind," she waved a hand. "You'll have to find him at Capefest. I saw him leaving school a while back."
"Oh, God! Now I *have* to go to Capefest," Jack groaned, slouching heavily on the car.
Jen wrinkled her brows. "Jack, what's going on? No-- tell me in the car. I don't want to try putting up a tent in the dark."
As they drove to the store, Jack related the saga of the mis-sent picture. "So I have to find Henry to warn him," he finished. "Otherwise--"
"Jack, anyone who can compare my lips to rose petals in a high-school cafeteria reeking of day-old fried fish and congealing tartar sauce will not be thrown by some guy calling him the wrong name. Even a gay guy." Then, suddenly, Jen's eyes took on a furtive glint. She looked away from Jack. "But I guess you're right," she conceded before he could protest. "We'll find him at the campsite, first thing. In fact, I'll do the finding so I can also express my opinions on his lyrical aspirations. Ok?"
"Anything but," Jack grimaced, slumping in his seat.
The Capefest campgrounds were bustling. People laughed and swore as their tents collapsed, leaves spiralled down to crunch underfoot, and the beckoning scent of woodsmoke mingled with the lengthening light. The air felt crisp and clean.
Henry was pounding his final tent peg when Jen rushed up, hair tumbled and eyes intent. "J-Jen!" Henry stammered, tripping over a tent line. Hastily he regained his feet. "Jen, I'm sorry about the cafeteria. I just--"
"Forget it," Jen panted, throwing a quick look behind her. "I'll forgive you if you'll do something for me. Or for Jack, actually." She scrabbled in her jeans jacket pocket.
"For Jack?" Henry looked bemused. "What, is something wrong? Is he Ok?"
Jen thrust a much-folded paper into his hands. "If you see this guy--if he comes to talk to you--you have to pretend you're Jack. Ok?"
Henry blinked, examining the picture. "You...want me to pretend to be Jack? Why?"
"I don't have time to explain, but it's important!" Jen asserted, glancing back once more. Henry couldn't tell at whom she was looking--he didn't see Jack anywhere. "Will you promise? His name is Ethan Brody."
"But--"
"Thanks, Henry. You're a prince!" She impressed a kiss on his cheek, thoroughly discomposing him, then darted back the way she'd come.
"Did you find him?" Jack glanced up from the tangle of nylon and poles as Jen returned. Pacey had already dumped his tent and gone questing for liquid refreshment, telling them not to wait up.
Jen's face was prettily flushed. "Mission accomplished," she replied, glancing at the equipment. "Doesn't that thing come with instructions?"
"I know how it goes together," Jack claimed.
"Men," Jen scoffed, eyes flicking around the crowd. Someone strummed a guitar, and from somewhere else wafted the distinct, grainy smell of beer.
"What did Henry say--hey!"
"Oh--sorry." Jen had accidentally dropped a sleeping bag on Jack. Now she dropped down and began fishing around in the tent bag. "There must be instructions. Help me find them."
While Jack sighed and reached for the bag, Jen watched out of the corner of her eye as Ethan ambled past. By the time Jack had retrieved the instructions, Ethan was safely out of sight. Jen turned her attention to cryptic diagram, and started arguing about how to assemble the poles.
"Jack?"
"Umm..." Henry crushed the picture and shoved it into his pocket.
Ethan's eyes were tentative. "It is you, isn't it?"
"Um--yeah. Ethan?"
Ethan nodded. "Are you sure this is all right? If you changed your mind about meeting me..."
"Uh, no. No. I'm...pleased to meet you." Awkwardly Henry stuck out his hand, and Ethan shook it.
"Likewise," Ethan smiled. He eyed the tent. "Need any help?"
"Uh, no--just finished."
"Anyone waiting for you?"
"Not for a while--I'm supposed to help some people cook dinner later." Henry shot a furtive glance towards a nearby campsite, but his friends were arguing over tent space.
"Then...would you like to go for a walk?"
Henry rubbed damp hands on his jeans. "Uh...sure. I...guess."
Ethan grinned. "It's hard the first time, isn't it? Though I'd think it might not be so bad for you, since you're at least out." Turning, he strolled off under the trees.
Henry followed reluctantly. "I...guess I'm not all that... comfortable yet." He was beginning to have an inkling what this was about.
"It takes time. I know you think everyone is staring at you like you've got a big pink G on your chest, but they're not. They're all wrapped up in their own lives, their own concerns." Ethan gestured to the campers, many pulling on fleeces or sweaters as the temperature dropped.
"Umm...yeah, I guess..." They sauntered on, Henry rather at a loss for dialogue.
At length Ethan shifted the conversation. "So...tell me about life in good old Capeside," he suggested. "It's been a while since I've really lived there. I miss it sometimes."
"Capeside? It's...fine, I guess. I suppose I don't really think about it all that much."
"No, I suppose you wouldn't, if you're there every day," Ethan nodded. "You didn't always live in Capeside, though, did you?"
"Well..."
They meandered through the campgrounds, watching the crowd, chatting about Capeside and Boston and boarding school. Henry kept an eye out for Jen or Jack, but saw neither. He did catch a distant glimpse of Pacey, but didn't approach him.
He still couldn't quite figure out what was going on. Jack was obviously supposed to meet Ethan, but what had happened? Had Jack backed out at the last minute, and was Jen trying to stall Ethan while she tried to coax Jack... But that didn't explain why Ethan had thought he was Jack. He must have seen a picture of Henry and been told he was Jack, but why on earth...? Well, it was beyond him, but if Jen wanted him to do it he would. She and Jack were best friends, so it must be important...
"Hello? How's the weather in Never-Never land these days?"
Henry started and faced Ethan. "Oh--sorry. Got distracted."
"Something worthwhile?" Ethan glanced around, silver-blue eyes amused.
"Oh--no. Not distracted like that." Henry kicked at the leaves. "I was just thinking about what you said earlier," he improvised. "About thinking everyone was staring at you? You see, I...don't really have a problem with that." He shoved hands in his pockets. "I mean, I don't think they're staring most of the time, but if they were...why should I care? It's not as though I'm a murderer or something. I haven't done anything wrong. What do I have to hide?"
Ethan cast him a thoughtful glance. "You're a brave soul, Jack McPhee. Were you always like this? Or are you just whistling in the dark?" They walked a few more steps in silence. Finally Ethan added, slowly, "Coming out--even to just a few people--is usually at least a little traumatic. At least for the guys I know. And you came out to a whole lot of people all at once."
Henry remembered he was supposed to be Jack. "Oh...um..." He stole a glance at his companion, about his height and wearing a forest green fisherman's sweater. A nice guy. Jack would like him. "I guess it was kind of dramatic--traumatic," he corrected. "I...didn't really do it on purpose. It just...kind of happened. Then it was out there and I had to deal with it. And I just figured..." He shrugged.
"As I said, you're a brave man," Ethan repeated. He caught a leaf as it fell, tracing the scarlet serrations. "What was it like after the story came out?"
"Oh...well..." Henry shook his head. "You know. Kind of unpleasant, I guess... But I don't really like talking about myself. What was it like for you? How did you do it?"
"Slowly," Ethan smiled, accepting the change. "A few people at a time."
"And was it hard? Or more of a relief?" Henry blinked as smoke drifted across the path. A rowdy group of festival-goers had gathered around a bonfire, beers in hand.
"The biggest relief was admitting it to myself," Ethan told him, squinting in the sunset light. "It just felt as though a huge weight had been lifted--or as if I'd finally looked into a mirror that reflected my true self. Hiding from other people is one thing. Hiding from yourself..." He shrugged. "If you don't know yourself, how can you live with yourself? Become the person you could be--the person you were meant to be?"
Henry nodded. "I always believe in honesty--in telling the truth even if you don't like it," he agreed. Then he recalled that impersonation could hardly be defined as 'honest,' and hurried on. "I mean, so many people are so... uncomfortable with themselves. Embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed... I just don't believe in that."
"Our society doesn't make it easy to be comfortable if you're different," Ethan sighed, pausing at a meadow to watch the last red rays of the sun strike fire on the trees. "It's easy to tell people not to hide, to accept themselves, but people like us often pay a high price for honesty. Maybe not for honesty to ourselves, but once people know you're gay... Well, I'm sure you've had plenty of hate mail and sly looks since your story came out."
"But I did find out who my true friends are," Henry countered.
"That's a big plus," Ethan agreed, turning back towards the campground. "There is something about throwing down the gauntlet and daring people to accept you. But it doesn't make for an easy life. Not now, and probably not in the near future. People have very ingrained attitudes and beliefs..." Reaching over, he brushed a leaf from Henry's fleece. "When you accept yourself as gay, and other people see that you accept it, it shakes some of their own beliefs. And they don't like it. Everyone lives in their own little world, and if you break their rules, and don't seem bothered...it makes people question themselves. Makes them think."
"Fear is one of the biggest problems in the world," Henry nodded. "I just feel that...people are so trapped in themselves. So alone. So scared to reach out. And that's sad. I...wish I could help people more. Get them to see..."
Ethan paused, blue eyes warm. "I'm sure you already have, Jack. I'm sure there must be at least one guy at Capeside watching you, trying to get up the courage to talk to you, trying to be brave enough to do what you did. I'm sure you've given people at least hope."
"Or something to alleviate the boredom of third period English," Henry offered.
"I think you underestimate yourself, McPhee," Ethan asserted. Then he uttered a short laugh. "God! Here I was, all prepared to be your mentor and offer advice and support...and you've already got it all worked out. In fact," he cocked his chestnut head. "I'd say you're the most balanced person I've ever met."
Henry had to laugh. "I don't think most people would agree!"
"I don't mean balanced as in conformist," Ethan replied. His eyes lingered on Henry, still intimate and accepting. "You're quite a surprise, Jack McPhee. Not quite what I had expected."
"Is...that a good thing?" Henry stammered, not entirely comfortable. Although he could hear campers all around them, cheerful and profane, Ethan's intensity made them seem strangely distant.
"I think so," Ethan murmured. His hand grazed Henry's arm. "Jack, I know I said I was only looking for a friend-- I'm just coming out of a bad breakup--but--"
"Hey, McPhee!"
Abruptly both boys blinked and pivoted, mood broken. Henry's eyes widened as Pacey strode up. "Uh...Pacey?"
"In the flesh," Pacey announced. Locking an arm around Henry's neck, he threw Ethan a wolfish grin. He extended a hand. "Pacey Witter. I'm sure Henry's told you all about me."
Dumbly Ethan accepted the hand. "Ethan Brody. And...umm..."
"Jack," Pacey confronted Henry with reprisal in his eyes. "You didn't tell him about us?"
"...Uh...us?" Henry tried to pull away, but Pacey gripped tighter.
"Oh, come on!" The older boy wheedled. "I said I was sorry about that 'N Sync-wannabe comment. I like your clothes--really." He winked at Ethan. "He's so sensitive."
"Pacey, what are you doing?" Henry demanded a little nervously.
Pacey pouted. "Are you still upset about the cheer at the football game?" He asked. "I swear, I *meant* to put the h in McPhee, but you know I suck at spelling. People weren't laughing *that* hard."
"Are you two...a couple?" Ethan asked incredulously.
Pacey grinned wickedly. "For three whole weeks." He nuzzled Henry's hair, maintaining his iron grip. "He's all mine. But it was considerate of you to write," he added with a glance at Ethan. "I always think couples need a few separate friends, don't you? Time apart makes time together all the sweeter. Isn't that right, babe?" Without warning, he turned and smacked Henry firmly on the lips.
"Ah...I think I'll go find my friends, Jack," Ethan said quietly. "It was...nice meeting you."
"Ethan-- God, Pacey!"
"Ta ta!" Pacey waved at Ethan, hauling Henry around. "Enjoy your evening! I know I will!" Clamping a firm hand over Henry's mouth, when he'd gotten him reversed so Ethan couldn't see, Pacey frog-marched the younger boy into the trees. At a safe distance, he finally let Henry shove him off.
"God, Pacey! What in the hell was that!?" Henry glared as Pacey bent over, helpless with laughter. "Did you think that was funny?"
"Christ! If you could have seen your face--*both* your faces!" Pacey doubled over again.
"That wasn't funny, Pacey," Henry accused in a tight voice. "What the hell is going on?"
"Oh, brother." Wiping his eyes, Pacey straightened and shot Henry a grin. "I guess I can tell you now. Since you've paid for your sins."
"...Sins? What are you talking about?"
"The cafeteria, man," Pacey explained. "Oh, and I should add: I'm just the messenger. The...ah...encounter was courtesy of Jen."
Henry felt blood drain from his face. "This was Jen's idea? ...Because of the cafeteria?"
Pacey shrugged. "You made her look ridiculous, Parker. She didn't appreciate it."
Continued...