Part 2
By Joanna ([email protected])
�Please, officer. Could you just say what you mean?� Ali paused. �Is my brother dead? Is Sean dead?� The room fell quiet. Sean�s sister, Ali and a police officer sat in a relative�s room in the hospital. It was white and clean like it had been washed over with bleach numerous times. �Please, just tell me the truth� tears ran down her cheeks.
�Mrs. Hunter, to be totally honest, I don�t know. My officers and I were called to a highway motel where we found two young males, both overdosed. One was dead when we arrived; the other was still alive, though barely. We searched the room for ID. All we found was your brother�s, though the photo had been removed. So, that left us wondering, which guy, if either, is Sean and who is the other man?
�And that�s why I�m here?�
�Yes, we need you to identify the body�
�The body?�
�Yes. The doctors are still trying to revive the other male. We need you to tell us if the body�is your brother�
�If it isn�t?�
�Then, when the doctors are finished you can view the other male�
�Okay. But, what if neither are Sean?�
�Then we must track him down and find out why these people have his ID and if he can help with the investigation. Mrs. Hunter� do you know if your brother has been travelling with anyone?�
�He�he said he was�last time I spoke to him, but that was months ago. The last time I saw him was about six months ago. He only popped in, but he was travelling then with a guy called�Nick, I think. He was a nice guy, but as I said�that was months ago� Ali thought back to what the officer had said, trying to take it all in. Worry crossed her face as she looked up at him.
�Are you okay, Mrs. Hunter?�
�No. No, I�m not. Did�did you say�over dose? It was suicide?�
�Yes. I did� He answered hesitantly. �Why?�
�My brother wouldn�t commit suicide, he wouldn�t. He�s not like that. He�s not that kind of person. He had no reason to. He would have told me if something was wrong�
�You may be right. Neither man may be your brother. But, one could be. We did find his ID after all� He took a breath. �Many people� when they feel suicidal don�t tell people. Even the people that they are closest to. And you did say that you haven�t spoken to him for a while� Ali put her head in her hands.
�But two? Two people committing suicide, together, the same night? Why?�
�Only one commit suicide. Until I hear anything from the doctors, the other only attempted suicide. The doctors believe that the one being revived made his attempt hours after the other, only an hour, if that, before he was found. Look, if he survives our questions will be answered. Until then, we must wait� The officer explained.
Ali�s tears fell heavily down her face.
�When�when do I go and see the body?� she sobbed. She felt bad about referring to this person simply as �the body�. It could be Sean that she was talking about. There was no way that Sean could be a �body�. She just wanted to get it over and done with. She just wanted to go in there, not recognise either person, leave, go home and find Sean waiting for her on her door step, like he used to do after school when he had forgotten his keys. She knew Sean. Sean wouldn�t do this. He always shared his problems with her. Last time she saw him he was happy, really happy. He was talking about future plans, about going back to L.A. after he finished his travelling. That didn�t sound like anyone near or thinking about suicide. The family room door opened and a nurse came in.
�He�s ready� The nurse forced a reassuring smile.
�There�s your answer� The officer stood and moved to the door. Ali hesitantly followed.
*~*~*~*~*
The room had no natural light, just a blue bulb glow. There was no smell present, nothing that Ali could put her finger on anyway. The walls were washed in the same white as the rest of the hospital. Ali was stood infront of the lifeless body that lay on an examining table. It was covered with a blue sheet. Ali could see the outline and shape of the body. It looked the right size to be Sean. It could have been so easily. She didn�t want it to be Sean. Her life was connected to hers so immensely; she couldn�t survive his death. If she didn�t want it to be Sean so badly, why could she picture his body under the sheet? Why could she picture his more that perfect face looking up lifelessly at her when the sheet was pulled back? Why could she sense him in the room? Tears ran down her face at the thought of it being him. At the thought of losing him, at the thought of failing him in the way she promised that she never would. Why hadn�t she made more of an effort to contact him, or even make him contact her when it was impossible for her to do so? Why hadn�t she questioned what he was up to, why he hadn�t been at her wedding? She knew he had lied to her about what he was doing, about where he was. She knew that he was lying but she didn�t push for the truth, didn�t question it when she last saw him or any other time. Why?
�Are you ready?� The officer asked.
�I don�t think I could live with myself if that�s Sean. I love him. He knows that. He wouldn�t do this�would he?� Her voice went from confidant to not so sure.
�Let�s get this over and done with. What are the odds that this is him? They are definitely in your favour� He paused. �Well, are we going to do this?�
�I�I don�t think I�Yes. Get it over and done with� Ali answered, not too sure that it was the best idea.
�Okay. I�m going to pull back the sheet. Take as long or as short look as you think you need or want. I just need to know if you recognise the body, okay?�
�Okay� She whispered. He was doing it again, constantly calling him a �body� when he was a person. Some one�s son, maybe someone�s brother, maybe hers. The officer moved to the head of the body and gave Ali one last look of sympathy and reassurance before pulling back the sheet. Ali�s already scared face grew more afraid. Her eyes grew wider. More tears fell from her eyes. She backed away from the body. How could it be possible? What reason did he have? What had happened to force him to that? Why did she have to take such a close look, she knew that face?
�No�No� She cried out in pain. �It can�t be� She fell to the floor. �No!�
The officer quickly covered the body back over.
�Mrs. Hunter, I�m sorry to put you through that� He moved closer to her. �Ali, I need an answer. Is the body your brother? Is it Sean?� He felt stupid for asking what he felt to be an obvious question. Ali was crying too heavily to answer. �Mrs. Hunter?� She calmed herself down, wiping her eyes. She stood and went back to the body, pulling back the sheet. She had to make sure. �Ali, is it Sean? I need an answer� She turned to him.
�No� He looked confused. �No�it�s not Sean�It�s Nick�
�Nick?�
�The guy he�s been travelling with. I have been sitting around the hospital, drinking coffee, convinced that when you pulled back the cover I would see my little brother�s face. I thought I wouldn�t see him alive again. When really, my brother is dying in the resuscitation room!� She cried.
�You don�t know that they other male is your brother�
�Come on. They were travelling together, you found my brother�s ID. It makes sense� She walked to the door. �I want to see my little brother. I want to se Sean before it�s too late for him too. I have been sitting around, under the same roof as him while he is fighting for his life, not being able to see him. Well, I am going to see him now!�
�Mrs. Hunter, Please! You have to wait for the doctors permission before you can go in�
�What? You want me to wait for them to declare him dead too, before I see him again? If he does die, I want to see him first!�
�You don�t even know if it is him or not�
�How about we make a deal?� Ali walked back to him. �I take it that you�ve seen the other guy?�
�Yes. That�s right� He answered hesitantly.
�Okay, then. I know you refused earlier, but things have changed now. Do you agree that it is more than likely that the other man is Sean?� She asked.
�Honestly, yes�
�Okay, so I show you a photo of Sean, of my brother. If it�s the guy that you found with Nick, you�ll let me see him, straight away. Not later, straight away, before I lose him. Do we have a deal?� Tears ran down her face. She looked the police officer in the eyes, silently begging. He was unsure. �Do we have a deal?� Silence. �Please!�
�I�m not supposed to make deals like this�
�Please!� There was silence.
�Okay. You�ve got yourself a deal�
�Thank you. Thank you, so much� She pulled her purse out of her bag. She opened it and slid out a photo. She took a long look at it. �It�s quite resent, it�s from his graduation. He hasn�t changed much. His hair is still the same and everything� She was still staring at it when the officer put his hand to take it. He took a deep breath before looking at it. Ali knew the answer just from looking at his face.
�Come on� he led her to the door. �Let�s go find out how your brother is doing� Ali burst in to tears again. �Please, try not to worry. When we found him his pulse was still quite strong. The doctors are great here. I�m sure that he�ll pull through� Ali found herself being ushered through the hallway.
�Please, Officer. Don�t say that if you don�t mean it� He stayed silent.
*~*~*~*~*
�Tell me the total honest truth, don�t sugar coat it. What state was he in when you found him? What can I expect?� He stopped in the hallway and looked right at her.
�Do you really want the truth?�
�Please�
�Okay� He sat down on the plastic hospital chairs. She copied. �When we found him he was still slightly conscious. I don�t think Nick left very much of what ever he had taken. It wasn�t enough to knock out straight, but enough to cause serious damage, enough to cause death. Nick was already dead when we got there. Sean was mumbling something. It was incomprehensible; no one knew what he was saying. The ambulance hadn�t arrived yet; there was a hold up. While the guys searched the room I stayed with him. I was talking to him, telling him that he was going to be okay� He paused. �That�s when he said it. He said that he didn�t want help. I understood what he said, but I pretended that I didn�t. I wasn�t going to leave him. Not there. Not in some crappy rundown motel bathroom. He was holding Nick�s hand, he took mine. He started to shake, violently. His eyes began to close. That�s when the medics arrived. He stopped breathing. His pulse was fading� Ali�s face was soaked with tears, his eyes were welling up. �They shocked him, three times before he started breathing again. They needed to pump his stomach, but his convulsions were too violent; it would have been too dangerous. His state was decreasing rapidly. They got him in to the ambulance, rushed him here. But, it�s a long way. They shocked him many more times on the way, he never regained full consciousness, not as far as I know anyway� He sighed. �I haven�t seen him since he got here. I don�t have a clue what kind of state he will be in. I really don�t know. I hope he is okay. He seemed like a really nice lad, just a little lost� He wiped his eyes. �If he survives, which I really hope he does, they�re going to keep him in for a while. They do with every suicide case. He will get counselling; they will get to the root of the problem. He will get better, I promise�
�Don�t make promises that you can�t keep, they�ll only get you in trouble� Ali sobbed. The police officer didn�t say anything. �Thank you. Thank you for telling the truth and thank you for being there for Sean. I�m sure that you were a great comfort to him. He would have been really scared. I�I just�can�t believe that he would do something like this. He was so happy last time I spoke to him, so happy�
�I hope you have a chance to ask him all of your questions�
�Um�What�s happened to all of his things, his car?�
�The motel owner wanted it all cleared out so we put it all in to his car and drove it here. Every thing is safe. We didn�t know whose things were whose so it�s all together. Sean can sort it out when he�s better� The officer stood up. �Come on, let�s go see how Sean�s doing�
*~*~*~*~*
�Can we go in? This is his sister� The police officer asked the doctor as they stood outside Sean�s hospital room.
�Yes, that should be okay� The doctor answered.
�How�How is he? Is�is he still�still alive?� Ali hesitantly asked.
�Just be honest� the officer said.
�He is alive, but unconscious. We pumped his stomach, removing all the medication he took. He has just come off of the machine that was helping him breath, so there are still tubes in his mouth and throat. He is wired up to a monitor, just so we can keep a close check on him. He is on a drip, which is connected to his hand� the doctor paused. �We nearly lost him a few times. The doctor in charge refused to give up on him; your brother is certainly a fighter. He is stable even though he is unconscious. We don�t know when he will wake up but we are hoping it to be sooner rather than later. He will pull through. Try not to worry� The doctor finished.
�Thank you, doctor� Ali was about to go in.
�Mrs.?�
�Hunter� the officer finished.
�Mrs. Hunter? There is one other thing� The doctor looked at her and cautiously started. �We�When we were trying to revive your brother, and again when cleaning him up, we found a lot of cuts�
�Cuts?� Ali asked, confused.
�Yes, they are on his chest, arms and back. They look like they were quite deep and they aren�t accidental. What I am trying to ask is if your brother ever had a problem where�where he would cut himself? They won�t have been for the purpose of suicide. They were all done at different times, you can tell by the colour and they are wrongly located to be suicide�
�My brother wouldn�t cut himself, why would he?�
�I don�t know, but you did also say that he would never try and take his own life, but he has� The police officer said.
�Look, I don�t know. If you want the answers you are going to have to ask Sean. I don�t have the answers. I don�t know them, I don�t even know my brother anymore� Ali looked towards the hospital room. �Can I see my brother now?�
�Yes� the doctor replied. �I�m sorry� Ali went to go in, the police officer went to follow.
�Look, please. I just want to be alone with my brother� He looked at her as if he was trying make up his mind. �Please�
�Okay, I will be near by if you need me�
�Thank you�
*~*~*~*~*
Sean lay lifeless in the bed. The tubes had now been removed from his mouth and throat. His breathing was stable, though full consciousness hadn�t yet come. The first thing that Ali noticed about Sean was how pale and slim he was. His hair was stuck to his head and eyes had red rings around them. Ali noticed the cuts that the doctor had mentioned. The closer she looked, the more she saw. They were mainly on his chest, some right below his neck. She would have thought that they were animal scratches but as the doctor said, they were way too deep. What could have happened to her brother in the last ten months to make him act so out of character? Why had he felt the need to commit suicide and what connection did it have with Nick�s? Who was Nick? Ali had had a lot of time to think up these questions, she had been sitting at Sean�s bedside for the last four hours. The doctors and nurses had been asked to leave them alone as much as possible and they had. The only noise in the room were the occasional beeps from the machines. The questions were swirling around her head but she had none of the answers. She didn�t have anyone to ask, everyone was as much in the blue as she was.
Another five hours passed before Sean�s eyes flickered and his body made it�s first movement. Ali was right by his slide. She took his hand.
�Sean?� She whispered. His eyes twitched again before fully opening. He looked around the room, dazed. �Sean? It�s me, Sean. Are you okay?� Sean raised his hands and covered his face. �Sean?� She removed his hands from his face, when she did his eyes were streaming with tears. �Sean? What�s wrong?� He didn�t answer. �Sean, say something� He was crying strongly but silently. �Please, say something�
�Nick� Sean whispered.
�What?� Ali looked at him in shock.
�Nick!� He cried. �Why? I don�t want to be here�
�It will only be for a while. When you�re better you can come home with me�
�I don�t want to get better. I don�t want to be alive! I wish I hadn�t been found! I didn�t want help. I wanted to die!� He cried out in pain.
�Sean, you can�t mean that? You don�t mean that!�
�I do! He left me alone. I don�t want to be alone. He knew that that was my fear. I�m alone. It�s my fault!�
�Your not alone. I�m here for you� She paused. �What�s your fault?�
�I want to go!� Sean sat up and tried to leave. Ali pushed him back down.
�Sean, you are not going anywhere. I don�t know what has happened. I honestly don�t know what�s happened to you in the last year, but I am going to find out because this isn�t you! Even if I have to force it out of you, I will find out what has happened and why you did this!�
�Just leave me alone!�
�No, Sean. I am not leaving until you tell me what�s been going on�
�There�s nothing to tell!�
�How can you say that there�s nothing to tell when you nearly killed yourself today? They had to shock you God knows how many times, Sean. They pumped your stomach; you had tubes in your throat! The doctors worked so hard just to keep you alive!�
�They shouldn�t have bothered! I said that I didn�t want help and I meant it!�
�And what about me, Sean? I have sat by your bedside for the last nine hours. Before that I had to travel here not knowing if you were dead or alive. When I got here I was told that one man was found dead while the other was fighting for his life; being revived by a group of doctors! I didn�t know which, if either were you. I had to identify the body to see if it was you, just to find out it was Nick when they pulled back the cover. You have put me through hell!� Sean was silent.
�You saw Nick?� Tears filled his eyes.
�Sean, please tell me what�s going on. Please� There was silence for a brief moment.
�I don�t expect you to know what it�s like to find someone that you love more than anything or anyone in the world dead when you wake up in the morning. But not only are they dead, they�ve killed themselves just to project you. I don�t expect you to know how painful that is; to know the one person you rely on is dead because of you. I don�t expect you to know that, so I can�t expect you to know how I feel� Sean spoke in an eerie, toneless voice, which sent a chill down Ali�s spine.
�No, Sean. You�re right. I don�t have a clue what you are feeling. I don�t have a clue what your life has been like in the last year. I will take some of the blame for that, but not all of it. If you want me to understand you have to tell me. You have to let me in. You can�t keep blocking me out. I need you and you need me. That�s just the way it is. You have to tell me what�s been going on� Ali said softly, never breaking eye contact with her brother.
�I�I�don�t know what to tell you� Sean was crying softly.
�How about I tell you what I want to know?� She looked at him. �I want to know where you have been for the last ten months, what you�ve been doing, where you have been staying, who you�ve been travelling with. Who is Nick? Why did he kill himself? And why did you feel you had to as well? That�s what I want to know. So, are you going to give me the answers?� Ali forced a half smile of encouragement.
�I don�t know if I have all the answers. I just want to forget everything that has happened. I want to forget the last year. I want to forget that Nick is dead, pretend that he isn�t. I want to forget that it was all my fault. It�s my fault!� Sean cried out.
�How is it your fault? You didn�t make him do it, same as no one made you do it� She took his hand. �Sean, you will never forget, you won�t be able to, unless you tell some one what happened. If you don�t it will just eat away at you. I don�t care what you�ve done in the past, just tell me. I won�t be angry, disappointed, judgmental, anything. I�ll just listen�
�I can�t. You wouldn�t believe me even if I did tell you, to be honest with you, I wouldn�t believe me� Sean sighed.
�Give me a chance. Please� Ali was begging. �I will believe you. You�re my brother, why wouldn�t I believe you?� Sean didn�t answer. �Sean?�
�Ali, I�m sorry. I really can�t tell you. I wish I could, but how can I explain something that doesn�t make any sense to me?�
�I�I don�t know� Ali sighed. �Just promise me that you will tell me when you work it out?�
�I�I can�t make a promise that I know that I can�t keep. I�m sorry�
To be continued�