Part 3
by Karen Dunbar ([email protected])
Grams looked up from her baking as Jack stumbled in the back door. She had been waiting for him. For the past hour, since Jen had stormed in and out without so much as a "Hello" or "Goodbye", she'd been glancing up at the doorway every couple of minutes, expecting Jack to appear, and worrying when he didn't. His appearance now did nothing to calm her worries over Jen- his clothes were dirty, his face grim and white, and his eyes red from crying. He stopped just inside the kitchen, wary under her scrutiny, not meeting her eyes, and she knew that whatever was going on, he wasn't going to tell her. Still, her children were obviously both hurting, and she had to try. She smiled calmly at him,
"From the look of you I'd say Jennifer must have been trying to throw you in the creek again."
He jerked his gaze towards her, surprised, hopeful, "Is she here? Jen?" Jack started towards Jen's room, but Grams spoke again,
"No, Jack, I'm afraid she's not." Jack slumped against the wall resignedly, nodding very slightly at the answer that he had obviously expected, even if it wasn't what he'd hoped for. Tilting her head to look at his face, Grams inquired gently, "Did you two have a fight? Jennifer was in and out of here so quickly I barely even saw her. But I know from past experience that it's not a good sign when she tears through the house like a hurricane, without even opening her mouth to shout at someone."
Jack swallowed nervously, eyes darting everywhere but Grams' face, "Not a fight, exactly," he sighed, "just well, I think she might be a bit mad with me for persuading her to see Terry, that's all. She didn't take too kindly to listening to him saying 'sorry'."
Grams nodded. It was a believable lie, but a lie it was- she could read Jack well enough to know when he wasn't telling her the truth. But it was all she was going to get, she knew, and despite her concern for her granddaughter she was pleased, glad that at last Jen had found such a trustworthy friend.
"Well," she began, "I'm sure she won't hold it against you for long, Jack. She values your friendship too much for that." She smiled supportively at Jack, who gave her a pretence of a grin and said,
"You're probably right. I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing." But again, she could see, he was lying.
Jack sat at the kitchen table, chasing cereal around the bowl with his spoon, unable to work up any appetite. He glanced periodically at the door, hoping to see Jen appear- late for breakfast was perfectly normal for her, but after last night he was sure she was avoiding him. When she'd finally arrived home from work, hours after the place had closed, the only explanation she'd given was that it had been a lovely night and she'd felt like taking a walk, all the time refusing to meet his eye. She was hiding, he thought. Hiding from her feelings, from her problems, and most definitely hiding from him. Conscious of Grams' scrutiny from the other side of the room, Jack was careful not to let his distress show. Not that he was too hopeful of fooling her now, any more than he believed he had fooled her last night with his lame attempts to make light of the situation. He was a poor liar, he knew, particularly when there was strong emotion involved, and Terry's revelation yesterday had stirred up feelings Jack was barely able to control.
"Perhaps you should knock on Jennifer's door, Jack? I'm sure she wouldn't want to be late for school." Grams spoke lightly, but the look she gave him was pointed. What little hope Jack had had that Grams might have believed his story last night faded- she was well aware the problem was more serious than that. Grams glanced meaningfully towards Jen's room, then the clock on the wall, and then back to Jack, smiling, encouraging.
Jack sighed, and, abandoning the breakfast he had no stomach for anyway, obediently stood up from the table. The tension he felt as he approached Jen's door shocked him- he had never felt the slightest bit nervous or awkward with Jen since he moved in here, but now he was undeniably tense. Jen didn't want his support right now. That she was refusing to face up to her situation and her feelings, that she seemed to be pretending there was nothing wrong, didn't wipe away the hurt he felt at being pushed aside, ignored. And that, painful as it was, didn't compare to the anguish of thinking he might lose her.
Jen sat on her bed, gazing out of the window. It was a beautiful day, she thought, enjoying the warmth of the sun streaming through the glass. Blue sky, a hint of a breeze rustling through the trees, sun blazing- perfect. It was calming, soothing, to loll here, in the sun, listening to the breeze and the birds. Peaceful.
Her pleasant reverie was broken by a knock at her door. Jack's knock, she realised. She felt her sense of calm waver, and for a moment she panicked as she teetered on the brink of more troubling emotions. Just the knowledge that he was outside her room, wanting to talk to her, to be strong for her, threatened the fragile shell she had enclosed herself in.
He knocked again, "Jen? Are you awake?"
She forced herself to answer, "Yes. I'm up." She could feel his concern, his hesitancy. She could feel him trying to work up the courage to come in, to bring up the topic he knew she didn't want to talk about. But he always respected her privacy, her right to be alone, when she made it clear she needed it. "I'm not quite ready, Jack- you go on ahead. I'll see you at school." She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard him walk away a few minutes later, and went back to gazing out the window.
True to her word, Jen saw him in school, but Jack would have been a lot more reassured by this if it wasn't for the fact that every time she did she was with someone else. She was perfectly pleasant to him when they met with the others for lunch, but throughout the day she assiduously avoided being alone with him.
Late in the afternoon he finally saw his chance to catch her, as he rounded a corner to find Jen, alone, at her locker. Once again he felt the unfamiliar nervousness as he approached her. "Jen, we need to talk."
Startled at his voice she jumped and spun round. "God, Jack! You couldn't have coughed or something? Let me know you were there?" She laughed, fixing a wide grin on her face, and leaned back against the lockers. Away from him.
"We have to talk, Jen, about Terry," he made his voice quiet, gentle. But tone of voice couldn't detract from the meaning of the words, and although her features were unchanged, he saw panic rising in her eyes as he spoke. "Jen, please. You can't hide from this." Try as he might to control his voice, he could feel it starting to break. She pulled farther back from him, her fear evident. He knew he had pierced her defences, and he reached out to her, offering support, and craving it himself, as she struggled to regain control. He watched her face as she battled against her emotions, watched tears well in her eyes, her lip tremble. She stared at him. She looked terrified. He felt his own eyes fill, and his voice broke again as he continued, "Jen, I know it's scary, but you have to start dealing with this. It's not going to go away- you're not going to just wake up tomorrow and find it's all been a dream. This is real, this is serious, and it's eating away at you- I can see that, no matter how you pretend. Please, let me help you!" She swayed towards him, and for a moment Jack thought she would take the hand he offered, but instead she stepped back. She drew herself up determinedly, and blinking away her tears she gave him a broad, but apologetic, smile,
"I'm sorry, Jack, I can't talk now, I'm late for class."
Jack watched through tear-filled eyes as she hurried off down the corridor. She can't run from this forever, he thought to himself, swallowing the lump in his throat. This was one problem she'd have to face up to sooner or later. Remembering the look of terror on her face, he could only hope it would be soon.
Jen was breathing hard as she collapsed against the cubicle door in the girl's bathroom. Why? Why did Jack have to keep pushing her on this? It was her business, none of his, and he had no right trying to force the issue. Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? With that thought she stifled a sob. Of course she knew why he kept pushing. Jack was worried about her. He was worried for her, and frightened for her, and, she was guiltily aware, he was hurt that she was rejecting his support. But she couldn't face this yet- her grip on her emotions was tentative at best, but now. If she let go, even for a minute, she'd be lost, swamped by her fear and anxiety, unable to keep going
Pain in her palms pulled her back from her thoughts. Unclenching her hands, Jen lifted them to see deep indentations, nearly breaking the skin, where her fingernails had been gouging. She leaned back, letting out a long, deep breath, forcing herself to relax. She needed to keep her mind occupied. Suddenly decisive, Jen made for the door- Mrs Roland was always moaning about the lack of staff in the evenings, and she could use the extra cash.
"Hey, Jack! What you looking at?"
Startled, Jack shut down the window on his computer and hastily gathered up his printouts. He looked round to find Andie smiling brightly at him, Pacey hovering behind her. "Uh. Nothing special, you know, just surfing around" His eye was caught by Pacey's knowing smirk,
"It's OK, Jack, you don't have to pretend with us. Just don't let the staff catch you checking out those sites- if they take away our internet privileges Pacey Witter is going to be one very unhappy bunny." Grinning, Pacey dodged Andie's punch, and continued, "Your lovely, if somewhat violent, sister here has kindly agreed- and I feel I really should make it quite clear here that she has not nagged, bullied or coerced me in any way in this matter," his grin broadened as Andie raised her eyebrows at him, "to give me a few pointers on using the school computers for doing" he hesitated, "Damn, I've forgotten the word No, don't tell me Andie it's on the tip of my tongue Oh, yes, that was it. classwork. Strange concept, if you ask me, but Andie tells me it's all the rage among the studious, nerdy types."
Andie's glare should have frozen Pacey where he stood, but he just grinned back at her, and it only took a few moments before she gave in and smiled resignedly.
"Fancy sticking around for a bit, Jack?" she asked as she swung down into the chair next to him. "I could use a hand trying to force some knowledge through that thick skull of his."
"Enticing as that proposal sounds, I don't think so, Andie," Jack replied, cramming his printouts into his bag. "I've got stuff to do."
"Like talking to Jen?" Pacey inquired, eyeing Jack curiously. At Jack's shocked glance he continued, "I might be the village idiot, Jack, but I can see there's something going on with you two. Usually you couldn't separate the pair of you with an atom bomb, but today the only time I've seen you guys together was in the cafeteria at lunch, and then you spoke to everyone but each other. Or rather, Jen did. From what I've seen you've been busting a gut all day to get two minutes with her, and she's been trying just as hard, and I suspect a lot more successfully, to avoid you completely."
"Thanks for pointing that out, Pacey," Jack said bitterly. Pacey had hit a little too close to home. "That really makes me feel a whole lot better."
"Have you guys had a fight or something?" Andie sounded surprised, and Jack felt quite relieved to realise that she, at least, hadn't picked up on anything.
"It's nothing," Jack lied. "Just a stupid argument. It'll blow over in no time." He smiled at them, "Thanks for the concern, but really, don't worry about it."
Andie stared sternly at him, "Jack, give up. You've never gotten away with a lie in your life, and you've only gotten worse as you got older. What's wrong?"
She and Pacey both looked at him, waiting for an answer. But he couldn't give it. Even if he had been prepared to betray Jen, he wouldn't have been able to make himself say the words. He swallowed the lie he had intended- there was no way either of them would believe it. "I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it." He started to walk off, but Andie caught his arm.
"Jack, I'm your sister, you can tell me anything. If something's bothering you- and this fight or whatever it is with Jen is obviously bothering you- then I want to help you with it. Tell me."
He was tempted. He wanted so much to be able to talk about this to someone, to share his fear, to be comforted. But he couldn't betray Jen. Dejected, but determined, he shook his head, "Thanks, Andie, but it's not that simple." He directed a forced smile at Pacey, "Enjoy your totally voluntary, entirely unforced IT lesson Pacey." And he left them to it.
"Really, Jennifer, are you honestly in such a rush that you can't muster up a little decorum?"
Grams was forced against the wall, as Jen raced past her to get changed. "Sorry, Grams, but I am, actually- I'm doing an extra shift tonight and I'm already cutting it fine."
"Oh. I had hoped that we might all have dinner tonight." Grams made no effort to hide her disappointment at Jen's plans. "It's been a while since we've had a nice civilised meal together."
Jen looked at her suspiciously, before answering slowly, "Well, I'm sorry. But I've agreed to do the shift now. Maybe if you'd given me a little more warning."
"You'd have had more time to arrange to be elsewhere?" Grams finished for her, meaningfully. "I may be wrong, of course," she continued, ignoring Jen's open mouthed stare, "after all, what would an old woman like myself know about teenage relationships, but there seems to be some discord between yourself and Jack." She held Jen's gaze, searching her face for any clue as to what that discord might actually be. For all Jack's inability to hide the fact that there was a problem, he'd not let slip a single hint as to what that problem might be, except that it was serious enough to distress him deeply. Looking into Jen's eyes, Grams could see that for all her pretence at normalcy, Jen was distressed as well.
Wrenching her glance away, Jen replied, "Grams, Jack and I are fine. Just because we're not joined at the hip every minute of the day doesn't mean we're not talking." Jen gave a little laugh, shaking her head to dismiss Grams' concern. "I'm just doing some extra shifts because I could do with some extra cash, that's all."
"So the fact that Jack arrived home yesterday evening red eyed from crying, and has barely said a word since, and the fact that all of a sudden you're spending every waking minute out of this house, are totally unrelated?"
Jen glanced up, troubled, "He'd been crying?" Her voice sounded very small and unsure all of a sudden, as she frowned to herself.
"Yes, Jennifer," Grams continued, gently, "he'd been crying. A lot, although he tried to hide it." She studied Jen's face, wondering if this small breakthrough might be enough. "You both seem very upset about something, Dear. I know you think I'm a little out of touch, that my religion distances me from your life, but neither of these things stops me loving you- both of you. Jack's as much a part of my family as you, now. And just because I'm a bit old fashioned doesn't mean I can't help and support you both when you need it." Noticing Jen tensing nervously, Grams drew back a little, "I just want you to know that you can talk to me, Jennifer, about anything."
Smiling tightly, and quite rigidly, Grams thought, Jen nodded, and said, "Thanks, Grams. But I really have to get changed for work."
As Jen disappeared into her room Grams expelled a small sigh, part worry, part relief. Well, she hadn't really expected Jennifer to suddenly pour out all her troubles, and at least she hadn't become confrontational. And at the end, Grams thought, she seemed to have given up denying there was anything wrong.