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Part 1 By Kilby ([email protected]) He dropped his small bag and jacket on the floor just inside the room. He heard no sound although it surely would've made one. The room was dark except for a small glare coming from the monitor at her bedside. The quiet beep from the machine hypnotized him, freezing him in his spot. He allowed the sound to wash over his body, allowing his feet to still out of fear for what he would see after he took the next step. He knew that she was okay; Pacey had explained to him vehemently that she was okay. But okay to him wasn't being in intensive care. His eyes began to adjust to the darkness, his will allowing him to take another step toward her bed. A clean white bandage was wrapped around her head. Her eye was dark and swollen shut; several shades of blue, green, and purple were visible even in the darkness. Her left arm was in a cast up to her elbow, and her usually pristine blonde hair was caked with blood. He sat down at her side in a chair, anxious to take her hand but scared to hurt her already fragile body. He bit his lip, drawing the metallic taste of blood into his mouth. It was painful, but a tangible source of his tears. He tried to put the image of her so battered, so wounded, out of his mind. The doctors had said that she could wake up at anytime, and that it was just a matter of waiting. He wanted to talk to her, but lying there she didn't seem like the Jen he'd always known. It had been quite a while since he'd seen her without the bruises, but lately he'd kept his distance for fear that they'd end up just like this: Jen broken and he helpless. Now he was seeing her helpless and frail, and for the first time in many years, he was forced to admit that he couldn't protect her. When he began to speak, his voice didn't sound like his own. His words were broken and muffled, sounding as if they were traveling great distances fighting every step of the way to be heard. "Well, Jen, this is a little bit of extravagant means to get me to come visit you," he said with a tiny laugh. He wrapped his hand around hers gingerly, feeling her cold fingers. "I told you that I was coming," he continued. "Joey's been bugging me to come visit more. She told me that you could've used me around. Procrastinator that I am, I decided to wait for the semester to finish. Had I known this was going to happen, I would've been on the first plane back. Hell, I would've taken you back to Boston�" he trailed off, lost in his own roaring thoughts. "That's still what I might do. And I don't want to hear any protests about it. After all the time we've spent together you had to know we couldn't survive four years apart. But you can come back to Boston with me and re-enroll in school. You can live with me and I can pay you back for all that time I spent with you at Grams'�" He sighed defeatedly, placing his free hand over his eyes as his body began to shake with silent sobs. This wasn't something he had been prepared to do to come here and see her like this; to deal with the demons that had been chasing after him since he saw the first bruise on her delicate flesh. As he felt her hand move slightly, he looked up at her hopefully. She swallowed a few times before her eyes slipped open and began to slowly search the room. Once they fell on him, he could see mild confusion. "Hey," he whispered, his fingers softly stroking the clammy skin on her hand. "Jack?" she asked softly. "What are you doing here?" He smiled softly through the pain he was feeling. "I came to see you." "What's the occasion?" she joked half-heartedly. "When your best friend cheats death, it makes you want to be as near to her as possible." "I didn't cheat death," she replied softly. "Then you seriously look like hell," he replied, a small smile on his face as he touched her hair softly. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered. "Don't be sorry," he replied. "You tried to tell me," she stated. She winced as she took a deep breath, the two broken ribs making themselves known. "Hey," he said softly, touching her chin reassuringly. "This isn't your fault." "It's all my fault," she murmured. She paused only for a moment, not giving him a chance to address her comment. "Damn, Jack, this hurts." He nodded. "You're pretty torn up." "Well, as bad as my legs hurt, I can't be paralyzed," she joked. "There is a while I can't fill in. Do you know what happened?" she asked, looking for answers to fill in what she couldn't remember. Jack nodded. "All I know is what Pacey told me on the phone." "Pacey was in the apartment, right?" "Yes," he said, twining his fingers in hers. "He said you called him at work." She nodded, somewhat remembering. "I was at the apartment getting ready to go to work. I had just put the sofa bed back together and put the linens in the closet. I grabbed my purse off the counter, but my keys weren't there. And you know I'm a complete moron anyway, Jack. I wanted to make sure I hadn't left them in the door after I came back from walking with Joey to her class." She sighed tiredly before she continued. "Thom was out there waiting for me, and he got inside before I even realized it. He was talking about how much he loved me and giving me all these reasons that he'd changed. I remembered what the therapist told me about the cycle of abuse, but I wanted to believe him, Jack." "I know," Jack whispered, the words still very difficult to hear. "When I told him that I was going to be staying with Joey and Pacey for a while, he just went off. His face turned red, and I could see that look of fury in his eyes. He stabbed me with a fork," she explained sadly. "It's not that bad because I had jeans on. But he threw a few punches at me before I could hit him back. You'd be proud because I knocked him flat on his ass." She managed a weak laugh. "I went into the bedroom and locked the door, and that's when I called Pacey and asked him to come home. But Thom knocked the door down like it wasn't even there. He had that big crystal vase in his hand... you know the one that Pacey bought Joey last Christmas? He threw it at my head... and that's all I remember." "Are you pressing charges?" "I saw this cop when I was in the Emergency Room. He told me that Thom was pressing charges against Pacey for assault," Jen said with an ironic laugh. "And because Pacey kicked Thom's ass, he didn't think that Thom would spend any time in jail." "He's going to get away with it again?" he asked softly. Jen laughed sardonically. "You didn't think anything less?" Her arms painfully settled at her sides as she tried to sit up a little further. "He's going to get away with it over and over again," she said softly. "I think I might go back to him," she added reluctantly. "What?" Jack asked weakly. "I know what you're thinking," she replied. "It's not the morphine." "I'm thinking that the bump on your head made you crazy," he whispered. "You can't let him do this to you again." She leaned her head back, letting out a shaky breath. "My life is the primetime Lifetime Original Movie starring Jen Lindley as the helpless wench. And you don't need to call Dawson to know the plot line," she said tiredly. "I do everything from leaving him to going underground and starting a new life with a new name." She paused. "And in the end, he finds me, and then... he kills me." Her eyes met Jack's reluctantly. "Realistically, I know that's what would happen. When I was with him, he never hurt me this bad." "Has so much changed in the last six months that you'd keep on living with him?" he asked. "I never thought you'd devalue yourself like that." "Never valued myself in the first place, Jack. You of all people should know that. Staying with Thom was and is self-preservation. Besides, maybe I deserve all of this." His expression was devastating. "You don't deserve this, Jen. No one does. And you can't pay for one mistake for the rest of your life." She frowned, her eyes falling to her lap. Electing to change the subject, she said, "Is the semester at BU over?" "Yeah, three days ago," he replied. "Will you stay with us for a while?" she asked hopefully. "It'll be a few weeks before he'll think about showing up again." "Do you mind sharing your sofa bed with me for a while?" She shook her head. "I'd love to have you next to me. It's safe." He lifted a tentative hand to touch her hair, once again taking in her battered body. He watched her in silence, knowing that half the bravery was an act. Of course, the other half was what had made him love her so much in the first place. "What will it take to get Thom out of your life?" "An act of God," she whispered. "And the last time I checked, God was busy with other matters." Jack nodded thoughtfully. "We're going to fix this, Jen." She smiled sadly in reply. He touched her cheek lightly. "Would you feel better if I helped you clean up a little bit?" "Yeah," she replied appreciatively. "Thanks, Jack." He nodded, squeezing her hand once more before he stood. He wiped an errant tear from his eye once his back was turned. Doing something, he was convinced, would allow him to enter a state where he wouldn't have to make such an emotional effort to deal with the fact that the most important person in his life was hurting and there was no way he could fix it. The nurse was grateful to Jack for offering to help Jen get her sponge bath because it had been a very busy and trying night with several of the patients. He walked back into Jen's room and began to methodically prepare the supplies the nurse had given him. He ran some of the warm water from the sink into a basin, rolled up his sleeve, and he dipped the washcloth and soap into the warm liquid to work up a lather. He pushed some stray hair away from her face. He knew that a huge gash was underneath the bandage, and he couldn't bring himself to remove it. Instead he touched her face with tiny, gentle touches. She looked up at him sincerely. "I won't break," she whispered. "You're already broken," he replied softly. Sadly, Jen turned her eyes to the bed. "No more words today," she murmured as Jack continued to gently touch the cloth to her face, slowly moving down to her shoulders. His hands immersed the facecloth into the warm water, tinting it red by doing so. He twisted the washcloth before, slowly beginning to clean Jen's chest and her breasts. "Why no words?" "They're not enough," she whispered. "They won't make this go away. And they won't take that look out of your eyes. So right now... just use your hands to make me better. We'll figure out the rest of it later." He nodded silently as he continued to wash her skin with a gentle touch. While the room could quiet, his mind refused. *~*~*~*~* As he tossed the dish towel over his shoulder, Pacey sat down a short glass halfway filled with brown liquor on the bar. His eyes scanned the long, mahogany structure, noting that there were two women at the other end with full glasses. Jack had been sitting quietly in the corner for nearly two hours, and throughout the rush, Pacey hadn't had a chance to talk to him. After Jack's third glass of bourbon, Pacey had began to water down the liquor, a bit more with each glass he poured. Jack's eyes were slightly hooded as he looked up at his friend. "Are you the reason I'm not numb yet?" Jack asked softly. Pacey nodded. "The ones that were more water than bourbon are on me." Jack frowned, tracing the rim of his glass with his finger. "How else am I supposed to stand this?" he asked painfully. "How can I live my life watching her do this?" "I don't know," Pacey said, shrugging. "I know exactly what you feel, Jay. We've all felt that way. And we know that's why you left. You're kidding yourself if you think things got better, because they've only gotten worse." Jack looked up at Pacey thoughtfully, downing all the liquor in his glass and demanding to get all alcohol. "Joey told me about the broken ribs, the twenty stitches on her head, the torn ligaments in her knee. The whole football team at B.U. didn't have as many injuries." Pacey ducked his head as he dried the inside of a glass. "Did she tell you that Jen dropped out of school?" Jack's look was shocked as he looked back at the other man. "She did what?" "Thom decided it was best for her to drop out in the middle of last semester, and she did. She said that she won't go back until he's completely out of her life. Let's face facts, Jay. He's never going to be out of her life," Pacey said, his tone soft. "Today he almost killed her, and she's got a restraining order." "What was it like today, Pacey?" Jack asked cautiously. "You don't want to know," he replied. "Imagine getting a frantic call and going to your home to find one of the people you care about most in your life unconscious and bleeding on your bedroom floor while her ex is raping her." Jack's jaw visibly tensed, as he clenched his fists and he suppressed the tears he felt forming in his eyes. "I didn't know it had come to that," he whispered. "She didn't want you to," Pacey replied. He poured a drink for a waitress, before looking back to his friend. "It's hard not to blame yourself, isn't it?" "At least you got to beat the shit out of the bastard," Jack said, as he took another swig of his drink. "I'm sure that you'll have your chance," Pacey replied. "History teaches us that he keeps coming back. And when he does, I'll kill him." His face and tone were serious, Jack could tell. Jack's own mind mulling over the events of the day in a flurry. Somewhere, he knew, laid the answer. To be continued... |