Part 2
By Stephen ([email protected])
Mrs. McPhee didn't come to the funeral. After an initial period of hysteria, she'd returned to her usual 'forgetting' state that had followed the death of Andie and Jack's brother. It should have been easier for them, having already had to deal with a phantom Tim, to now have to indulge their mother's insistence that 'your father will be here soon. It's almost Christmas.' But it was, in fact, worse. Neither of them wanted to be alone with her anymore. And yet it was all the time Jack feared he'd have with her. Teresa had his mother's life in her hands. Access could be cut off anytime. So he endured. Endured and withdrew into that quiet place in his mind had sustained him after coming out and his breakup with Ethan.
Andie was actually starting to miss her own mental illness. After the initial shock had worn off, what she needed was a task to keep her occupied. But the funeral arrangements had already been made. And Jack shutting everyone out of his private space deprived her of what little comfort consoling him would have brought. The peace of Mrs. McPhee's delusions seemed almost pleasant in comparison.
Aunt Teresa wasn't helping, either. Andie wasn't prepared for the lack of interest that Teresa seemed to have in the funeral. What little she'd seen of her aunt had left Andie with the impression of a harsh, somewhat cold woman. But this was ridiculous. Teresa spent her days talking on the phone in a voice that hushed whenever her niece or nephew entered the room. Talking about Jack, Andie had guessed. Jack's father finally accepting him had been a major sticking point between Teresa and her brother. And despite Andie's assurance that Jack would stay in their mother's life, she secretly wondered if their aunt wasn't up to something.
On the way to the funeral, Andie watched both her brother and her aunt with wary, nervous eyes. Waiting for something to snap open. For one of them to say something. For her to be needed. But neither said anything, and Andie had a headache by the time they reached the church.
Her other reward for her vigilance was that she was the first of them to see the protesters waiting on the sidewalk. About a dozen of them. With placards bearing various bible verses. The theme neatly printed on several of the signs.
'GOD HATES GAYS.'
"Oh, my god," Andie moaned. Jack exited the car as soon as it had parked, and she was right behind him.
"What are you doing here," Jack asked the crowd. "My father wasn't gay."
"Your father," the woman leading the protest repeated. "You're Jack McPhee?" Jack suddenly felt all eyes turn to him. And he had the chilling feeling that once again, this venom was being directed at him.
"Yes, I am," he admitted uncomfortably. "Who exactly are you?"
"Rachel," Aunt Teresa called out to the woman. "So you could make it."
"You know her?" Andie asked, amazed.
"Yes, she goes to church here with me," Teresa replied.
"And it doesn't bother you that she's disrupting our dad, your brother's funeral?" Jack asked. Teresa sighed.
"I'd rather they weren't here either, but...." Teresa pointed to one of the signs, stating a bible verse: 'I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes'. "He knew my feelings on allowing you back into our family. And as much as I miss him, I won't whitewash his memory. The people in there deserve to know the kind of blasphemy he let go on in his house."
Jack's face crumpled. It was taking everything he had to deal with his parents being gone out of his life; he couldn't deal with this on top of everything else. As if on cue, a furious Andie turned on her aunt.
"How dare you," Andie snapped. "You don't have any right to judge Jack, or our father. You weren't there. You don't know what it's like to have your world turned upside down. You learn to deal with it."
"Like you did?" Teresa asked.
"Yeah, like I did. Like dad did. And you know what else? It was hard. Dad didn't want the life we ended up with. We lost Tim, and we pretty much lost Mom. So as crazy as Jack being gay sounded, we weren't going to lose him, too."
"You lost him the moment he turned queer," Rachel pointed out from the mob. Andie almost started to cry. But she pulled it in. She wasn't putting up with this. Not with everything else she was having to do today.
"You know what? Forget this," Andie declared. She turned back to her brother. "Come on, Jack. Let's go in--"
But Jack McPhee was already gone.
Jack ran.
He didn't know where, he didn't know if there was a where. All he knew was that he was in pain, and that he'd give up anything for just one more second of peace. His soul, even. That is assuming he had one. But then maybe all those people out there were right. Maybe God did hate gays. Jack had never made up his mind one way or the other on the subject of a divine being, but the idea of being cursed from birth was gaining ground in his mind.
Which left him pretty much without a destination. He just ran. Hoping somehow to run away from the pain. Run away from creation. He ran until he hit something. No, someone, he amended. He realized he'd collided with a person as he looked up, into puzzled eyes that took his breath away. And he realized that maybe, just maybe, God didn't hate gays after all.
He just hated Jack McPhee.
"Jack? My god," Ethan gaped, those eyes filling with concern. Concern mirrored in the eyes of the man McPhee recognized as Ethan's boyfriend, Brad. "Jack, what's wrong."
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"I know it's been a while," Ethan persisted. "But the last I saw you, running blindly through the streets wasn't fine." Ethan put his hands on Jack's shoulders supportively. But McPhee pulled back, angrily.
"Okay," he admitted. "I've had a rough couple of days. But then, that really isn't any of your business anymore, is it?" Ethan flinched, but he wouldn't let Jack leave.
"Jack, we used to be friends, once," He told his ex. "I was hoping now, seeing you, that maybe we could be friends again." Jack looked at him, astounded. Did Ethan and Brad really expect that he could just go back to the beginning? Try to pretend to appreciate how much in love they were? When every kiss, every look, was tearing at the almost healed wounds in his heart?
"Look," Brad told him. "I know it's awkward. For all of us. But I'm not going to leave you alone on the street here." Brad put his hand gently on Jack's cheek, and McPhee lost it. What little emotional control he had disintegrated, and he started crying. Sobbing, really. Brokenly.
Jack fell to his knees. Not surprisingly, Ethan was right there with him on the pavement. But it was Brad who took Jack in his arms. Stroked his hair. Whispered that everything was going to be all right. That he wasn't alone anymore. Jack let out the waves and waves of pain that had been threatening to drown him all week. It took the better part of an hour to get it all out.
Finally exhausted, Jack let Ethan and Brad lead him back to Brad's apartment. On the way there he let them in on what had gone on with his father, and then his aunt. It seemed strange talking about it, that tired. He wasn't strong enough to register the pain anymore, and his words had a hollow, detached timbre. They were suitably shocked and sympathetic. But again, after what they'd shared earlier, the words barely registered. So they took him to their bed, and Jack slept. For the first time since he was a child, he heard the words 'we'll be right outside', and Jack felt safe.
Jack didn't wake up until the next morning. He was panicked until Ethan told him Brad had called Jen to let Andie know where Jack was.
"I didn't think she'd be very happy to hear from me," Ethan grinned.
"I missed the funeral," Jack lamented.
"Don't worry about it," Ethan insisted. "We'll just go down to where he's buried, and you can say goodbye to him however you want. That's probably the best way to do it anyways." Ethan left to call a cab, and Jack was left alone with Brad. And the question that had been hanging in the air since Jack broke down.
"Why are you doing this?" McPhee asked.
"I told you," Brad replied. "I think I owe you something. ...No. I know I owe you something."
"For breaking up your reunion? Or for letting you know Ethan was cheating on you."
"Both, actually," Brad smiled. "Jack, Ethan and I never talked. We thought we did. We came up with a million reasons for why it went wrong when we broke up. But that was the real reason. And then along came you, and we had a lot of really ugly things to talk about."
"Go, me," Jack sighed sarcastically.
"I'm serious," Brad said. "We needed that. We needed to get past the mushy bits, and get down to really talking about what was bothering us. Ethan and I never would have made it if it hadn't been for you. And the thought that we ripped away the last of your innocence to be together just kills me." Jack wasn't quite sure what to say.
"Thanks, I guess. You were here when I needed you. And I'm glad you were."
"Any time, McPhee." Brad paused, then continued as if he'd made his mind up about something: "And just to let you know, Ethan wasn't leading you on. We'd just gotten back together the night before, and you interrupted us trying to decide what to do about it. And about you." Jack smiled a little.
"You know it's really not fair. It was a lot easier hating you when you were this monster, and Ethan had no taste in men." Brad grinned and hugged his new friend.
"You think you've got it bad," Brad teased. "I'm going to worry every day that Ethan's going to be tempted back to you."
"No, you don't," Jack replied embarrassed.
"You think?" Brad said incredulously. "Hell, I'm tempted. God," he sighed gently. "Jack McPhee, how did someone as wonderful as you survive everything you've gone through?" Again, Jack didn't know what to say. But fortunately, Ethan re-entered the room at that moment, and Jack was spared his reply.
"The cab will be here in a few minutes. We can stop at the cemetery, and have you home in time for lunch." McPhee looked from Ethan to Brad thoughtfully. He realized how much stronger he felt, just having the two of them being there. Jack thought about the plan they'd just made, and rejected it.
"Ethan," he said, "would it be okay if we did the cemetery thing later? I think there are some things I need to take care of at my aunt's first."
"Where have you been?" Teresa shouted, not caring that Jack had just gone in to see his mother when she'd spotted him.
"I had some things to sort out."
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused us?"
"Gee," Jack quipped. "I'm sorry if I ruined your protest."
"Look--" Teresa started. But Jack cut her off.
"No, you look," he snapped. "I'm here to talk to my mother. And I am going to talk to her. Whenever I can. I've spent this entire visit trying to get some assurances from Andie that I would still be able to see Mom after this is all over. Trying to get some sign that you'd let that happen. But I realized something today. It's not up to you. It's up to me. I'm the one that's going to be making it happen." He spun away from his aunt, whirling at the same time into a good mood to face his mother.
"Hi, Mom."
"Oh. Jack," she replied. "I didn't think I'd see you today. You and your brother and sister have such busy lives."
"Never too busy to talk to my best girl."
"Teresa," Mrs. McPhee called out serenely, seemingly having missed the argument that went on right in front of her, "Jack is looking far too thin. He probably hasn't been eating enough. Could you bring him something from the kitchen, please?" Teresa looked like all she wanted to bring Jack was rat poison, but she nodded pleasantly and left.
"I don't know how safe her cooking is." Jack had intended the comment to be for his ears only, but his mother picked up on it.
"Oh, don't let that silly old woman bother you, Jack." She told him. "I know how badly she dislikes you for being gay, but you leave that to your father and me.
Jack froze. They'd made a unanimous decision, his dad, Andie, and him. Mom wasn't to know about Jack being gay until her health was a little stronger. So how....
"Mom," Jack asked anxiously, "did Aunt Teresa tell you I was gay?"
"No," she replied. "It was- now don't be angry at him, but your brother let it slip out once."
"Tim told you? When?"
"A few years ago. Right before the acc--" Memories of Tim's death seemed to flood into her mind. Mrs. McPhee was momentarily haunted, and then she threw the memory away like it was caustic. She continued calmly: "Or maybe it was right afterwards. But I had an idea about it for a while."
"I don't believe this," Jack said, his eyes filling with tears. "You never said anything. You really don't mind?"
"Jack, you're my son. I love you. All I want is for you, and Andie, and Tim to be happy." Jack hugged his mother, for what might have been the first time in years. He'd never wanted to keep this from her, but it had been one of the main reasons why he'd never been as close to his mother as Andie was. But now that wall came down, too. And he crossed the distance to become the Jack and Mom they'd been when he was little. If only for just a little while.
"I love you, too, Mom." Jack heard someone come in, and briefly stiffened as he expected his aunt. But he turned to see a very excited Andie.
"You're back," she exclaimed. "Come on, you've just got time to get changed."
"For what?"
"You didn't think we'd have the funeral without you," Andie told him, bemused. "We did have to have the burial. But I explained everything to the minister, and he was able to rebook the service for today."
"Does Teresa know about that?"
"Oh, yeah," Andie said. "That's why she was so happy to see you when you came in this morning."
"So can we expect a repeat of yesterday's protest?"
"Don't worry about it." Andie grinned, which seemed to Jack to be a rather unusual state for her to be in given the circumstances. "I caught Ethan and Brad just before they left, and they're going, too. Everything is taken care of."
Jack was a mix of emotions by the time they reached the church. Saying goodbye to his father, the worry of confronting the protesters again, his mother's love and support, and the strength inside that he now knew he had. It was leaving him dizzy with feeling. Dizziness that was amplified the moment that he saw the crowd that had formed in front of the church..
"Here we go," he said simply. Ethan squeezed Jack's hand in support. McPhee was puzzled, however, at Andie's reaction. Once again, she seemed almost giddy with delight. Happiness that Jack realized was growing in Brad as well.
"Oh my god." Brad grinned.
The protesters were nowhere to be seen. The tiptops of what were probably their signs were just barely visible behind the crowd of Leerys, Potters, Witters, and Jack and Andie's own family of Jen and Grams. Singing carols and hymns as loud as they could. Drowning out the chants and protests behind them. Teresa looked like she'd been force fed sewage, but Jack, Andie, Brad, and Ethan left the car with tears of joy that were somehow not out of place at this particular funeral.
The counter-protesters saw the McPhees arrive, and greeted them with big smiles. In fact, Dawson gave Pacey a bemused look, and in direct defiance of Teresa's horror, the two friends snuggled in to each other, playfully intimate. Jack looked closely at Jen, realized that she was only lip-syncing the words to "He Leadeth Me, O Blessed Thought", and grinned widely at her. Jen and Joey detached themselves from the group and approached their astounded friend.
"Hey," Joey said. "Cavalry's here."
"What are you all doing here, "Jack asked, delighted, but confused.
"Well, we got all the news we needed when Brad here called Jen." Joey explained. "And after we heard what was going down here, naturally we decided to take the train down and lend a hand."
"You guys did a great job," Ethan told them. Jen smiled at him. Warily, but she did smile.
"Yeah," she replied. "I heard you did a pretty good job looking after him, yourselves. Thanks." Jack McPhee looked around, at all the people he never realized cared for him so much. He smiled, and he suddenly realized that he had the answer to the question he'd been asked that morning.
"Thanks to a lot of people," Jack said. "Brad. You asked me before how I managed to survive as long as I have. This is it. This is what keeps pulling me through."
"What did I tell you?" Andie beamed.
"Okay, so you were right."
"So are you ready to head on in?" Jen asked.
"Yeah," Jack admitted. The tears were still there, but he knew now he could handle them. "I'm ready."
The End