PART EIGHT
 

Daniel shut the door of his fridge after putting the milk back inside. The mission to P4x-459 had gone well and now Earth had a new alliance with the people of ‘Harkentark’, as that world called itself.  They were a primitive race but they had good ideals, some good skills to share with Earth, and an abundance of Naquada in the soil to keep the alliance worthwhile. SG-1 had been dismissed hours ago and had all gone their separate ways. Daniel called by to ask Hammond if there had been any word from Jack, but the general said he wasn’t expecting a report until the morning. 

Daniel took the cup out of his microwave oven and blew across the surface gently.  He couldn’t stop the hot flushes he had been having all day – an uncomfortable, prickling sensation that rained down his spine at annoyingly regular intervals, mostly when he allowed himself to think about the clone. 

He shivered as the sensation worked its way along his spine again.  Settling into an overstuffed armchair, Daniel brought his mug of hot chocolate to his lips, blew across it again, and then took a tentative sip.  He tried to force himself to concentrate on his achievements that day. He had been pivotal in acquiring the alliance with the Elders of Harkentark and he wanted to focus on that instead of where Jack was, and who he was with. 

His thoughts were not complying though.  He couldn’t stop drifting onto the clone, and to the conversation they’d had in the gate room.  He’d come to work out that there were a few possible scenarios that might play out upon Jack’s return tomorrow.  The clone might have been lying and there was no relationship between the two clones at all.  The clone might tell Jack how he felt, unaware that his organic still felt that way.  Jack might come back and totally rip Daniel a new one for entertaining such thoughts…..

The archaeologist sighed and sipped his drink.  He wanted to stop dwelling on the ‘what ifs’.  He wanted to stop fantasizing that the result would work out in his favor, because he knew better than to be swept up in an unrealistic expectation. 

Yet, was there anything to really be worried about? Would the clone even tell Jack anything?  Maybe he was just using Daniel’s own insecurities against him.  What was that saying? We are our own worst enemy?  Daniel certainly felt that way at the moment, with the clone seemingly in control of the situation, and his future, with Jack and with SG-1.

Daniel closed his eyes and rubbed his brow wearily.  Since his time on Abydos, mourning for Sha’re, he knew that his inner feelings for Jack, once retarded by honor to search for his wife, were now reignited and burning within his soul.  He thought he had control of them.  He knew that he wanted to be with Jack for the rest of his life and if working along side the colonel was his only option, then Daniel would take that.  That would have satisfied him. Yet, was it possible that the clones had actually shared a life together? Were they really lovers?

That thought burned in Daniel’s mind. He groaned and rolled his head back until it pressed onto the soft cushions behind him. He sat in silence a few moments before he heard a soft knock on his apartment door.  He got up, checking his watch as he moved to the door.  Putting on the chain, he opened the door a crack and peered into the hallway.  Samantha Carter smiled wanly back at him.

“Sam?” He opened the door and checked the corridor behind her. It was empty.   

“Daniel, we need to talk.”

“About?”

She looked uncomfortable and glanced past him. “Can I come in?”

“Oh! Sure,”  

Daniel caught his breath, held it a moment, then released it as he followed her to sit in the chair he’d been occupying before her arrival.  She chose the chair opposite his and sat with her hands clasped between her knees.  Daniel didn’t see Sam in ‘off-duty’ mode too often.  She looked good in the baby blue twin set and jeans she was in.  The light from his single lamp made her hair glow yellow.  She smiled nervously as she leaned towards him.

“Did you want something to drink?” He asked, after a moment of awkwardness.

“If you’ve got it, some scotch?”

“Oh,” Daniel was surprised. He was offering coffee but he nodded, got to his feet and found a bottle lost deep in the back of his pantry.  He poured her some, over ice, and then returned with a new cup of coffee for himself.  It was obvious that this was no time for hot chocolate.  He passed the drink to her, smiled at her thanks, and then settled again.  She rolled the glass between her long fingers, staring in at the amber liquid, while she collected her thoughts. Daniel waited, patiently.

Eventually she downed a mouthful then reached to put the drink on the table.  “There’s something I need to get off my chest, if you don’t mind?”

The archaeologist frowned. “Sure. Shoot.”

She opened her mouth to speak, gave a soft laugh as she shook her head, and then said, “Oh boy, this is harder than I thought it would be.” Her palms rubbed her thighs briskly.

Daniel put his cup down and reached across to calm her obvious nervousness.  His voice hitched with concern as he asked, “Sam, what’s wrong?”

“When you spoke to the clone today…”  She paused then continued when he squeezed his hand around hers.  “It didn’t happen to say anything did it? About how things went on P3x-989 after we left?”

“I’m not sure I understand?” The look on his face clearly indicated that he was obfuscating, badly.

She blew her breath out, shifting the hair above her brow.  Her fingers tightened around Daniel’s, causing the man to look at their joined hands. He placed his other hand over the top and gave her an encouraging smile. 

She returned a sharp nod, took a cleansing breath and said, cagily, “I spoke to the clone today as well.”

Daniel nodded then his head jerked up when he realized that her tone had an edge to it.  His mouth felt dry. He searched her blue eyes and said, “What did it say to you?”

He felt his heart thud hard in his throat. Had the clone told her about his feelings for Jack? 

She looked self-conscious.  “We discussed feelings, or rather, he discussed his feelings…..”  She heard Daniel groan softly but continued without stopping.  “All I can say is that… it was a long time ago, Daniel, and we all kept our feelings hidden..”

Daniel groaned as he sat back in his seat, his hands slipping from Sam’s touch.  He rubbed his brow with his thumb and fingers while she went on, “And like he said, with thousands of years ahead of them, no restraints, no conditions to stop all that from happening there like there is here on Earth…” She met his gaze, “So they just went for it..”

Daniel looked mortified.  He rubbed a hand down his face, then he sat forward and said, in a weak voice, “Sam, what can I say?”.

She shook her head and flushed as she rose to her feet.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I guess I just wanted to know what it was like for them, life, I mean.  I didn’t expect to hear anything close to what he told me..”

Daniel rose to his feet and disappeared for a moment, only to return with a glass of scotch for himself.  He remained standing as he gulped down the first, mouthful.  He curled his lips against his teeth as he sighed while the liquid burned down inside him.  With a strong, determined voice this time, the archaeologist told her, “I’m sorry you had to find out this way and I’m embarrassed beyond belief-”

“So he told you, too?”

Daniel met her gaze and gave a slight nod. She nodded and sat back in her chair.

“Sam, you have to realize that no matter how I might still feel I’d never compromise the team..”

“You still feel?” She looked at him with wide, blue eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said, then gave a nod as he added, “But, yes, I do still feel that way. I think it’s best that I’m honest with you. It was different, back then when they were made, but since Sha’re’s death..”

“Daniel.” Sam got to her feet now and faced him. 

He held his hand up to stave of further interruption.  “Since Sha’re’s death I realized that the feelings never went away, Sam, they were just dormant.”

Sam searched his blue eyes.  “I’m sorry, then.” He frowned but she didn’t see that as she moved around him to go and stand by his fireplace.  “But I don’t feel the same way anymore..”

Daniel’s frown deepened and he stared down at the glass in his hand.  Suddenly, as if hit by lightening, he realized what she meant. “Sam?” He turned to face her.

She looked contrite. “I mean, yes, I did have this huge thing for you, ever since I met you.  Seeing Sha’re kiss you that day, it just.. I don’t know-” Then she laughed softly to herself. “I seem to like the unobtainable ones; it’s just something about me.”  She met his eyes. “But that was a long time ago, Daniel, and I think of you as .. well, as a brother now. Anything more would be just..”

He held his hand up and took a step towards her. “Sam?” His unshielded blue eyes studied her expression. “We’re not talking about the same thing here…” he said, slowly. 

She met his puzzled gaze with one as perplexed. “I’m talking about your clone and my clone and..” Her words faltered. “You’re not talking about me?” 

He clamped his eyes tightly then shook his head.  He brought the glass to his lips and downed the remainder of his scotch to ease his thumping heart. 

“Then who…?” She asked, totally bewildered. Her mouth dropped open and in a hushed voice she wheezed, “Oh my god! Jack?” Her face grew ugly with repulsion.  Wordlessly, she rushed past him, towards his front door.

“Sam.. SAM!” He tried to grab her before she fled from the apartment but she’d darted past him.

Daniel searched frantically for his car keys but by the time he’d found them and raced from the apartment Sam was inside the elevator and the doors were closing on her.  As her eyes met his Daniel saw such a look that bile rose to the back of his throat.  He quickly went to the stairs and hurried down them, hoping to catch up with her before she made it to her car.

*

Outside the doorway covered by heavy material, Jack watched as Daniel swept the cloth aside and then tugged him into the room behind him.   

“For crying out loud..” the colonel surveyed the room, taking in all the soft bedding in the corner and the material covering the wall giving the room a warm, cloistered feeling.  There was one wall left gun-metal bare.  Jack pointed to it, questioningly.

“Some kind of furnace is in that room,” Daniel explained. “We left that wall bare so that the heat wouldn’t catch the material alight.”

It reminded Jack of the kinds of setting for stories like Arabian Nights, with its excess of material hanging over the walls, and the pile of pillows, cushions and bedding in the corner - only a tatty version. Something caught his attention and he stepped over to the far wall.  This wall was a grid covered by a curtain of heavy Hessian-type material.  He swept an edge aside and saw, hidden within, a set of hand-crafted cuffs attached to the wire mesh, a little above shoulder height.  With whispered surprise he touched them then jumped slightly when Daniel stepped into his peripheral vision.

“Jack made those-” the clone said in a low voice as he smiled in remembrance.

Totally surprised, Jack twisted and said, “Excuse me?”

Daniel studied the shocked face.  “They were an anniversary present.”

“For?”

Daniel laughed. “What do you mean, for?” He touched the cuff with a long finger. In a sultry voice he said, “For tying each other up, Jack.”

The colonel’s face drained white.  He turned to look at the wall again and noticed the set of ankle fasteners on the bottom of the wall.  As he was coming to grips on that he felt Daniel press against his back and heard a softly whispered voice say, “See how compatible we are? I enjoy being tied up-” Daniel slinked around to press his back against the wall and he raised his hands up high, bringing to Jack’s attention another set of cuffs high up, which would have meant Daniel‘s arms had to be fully extended over his head when in them.  “And you enjoy tying me up…” The look was self-assured in the blue eyes. 

Jack’s tongue felt heavy inside his mouth and his eyes fluttered closed then open again.  “Daniel..”

“For one night only, Jack, I can be your fantasy. I know what you like…” Daniel murmured close to Jack’s ear but never once did he touch him with his body or lips. “I know what you want. Let me fulfill your fantasies. ”

Jack’s breathing had become labored.  He felt sweat trickle down his spine and an uneasy feeling wash across his skin, and over his ass cheeks.  His groin clamped and he knew he had started to get an erection.  He swallowed in a dry throat before he groaned, “You are so tempting.”

“I know,” Daniel said then pulled back and smiled confidently at Jack’s expression.  “You often told me that too.”

Jack growled softly.  “I’m not him.”

Daniel finally allowed himself to touch Jack.  He placed a surprisingly warm hand onto the older man’s throat and stroked the Adam’s apple with his thumb.  “I’m not him, either.  Let’s just be us.” 

*

By the time Daniel reached Sam she was fumbling at her car, her cheeks tear-stained as she was sniffed in the cold wind.  Daniel came up beside her in the darkness, and waited, his hand hovered over her shoulder, for her to stop trying to get into her car.  After a moment she turned to him and hissed, “I can’t believe you said that.”

He gritted his teeth a moment then snapped, “What are you angry at? That I’m not in love with you, or that I’m in love with him instead?”

The blonde shook her head and snorted derisively.  “Colonel O’Neill is not gay, Daniel. You are barking up the wrong damn tree if you think you’d get anything other than a right hook for telling him what you told me tonight.”

“I’d say that was between the two of us, wouldn’t you?  It has nothing to do with the military and nothing to do with you, or Teal’c, or the General..”

“It has everything to do with the Military, Daniel, while it makes your pay packet each month!  You could be thrown out for this.  The colonel would be court martialed.”

“For what?” He squeaked then he controlled his voice, tilted his head and asked his friend, “For being in love?  Is that really the kind of thing I should be worried about, with everything else I do for this damn world, Sam?”

She blinked and stared back at him, the tip of her nose red in the cold wind. 

Daniel flung his hand by his head as he said, “With the Goa’ulds knocking at our gate the last thing I’m worried about is if someone in the Pentagon decides I’m not ‘normal’ enough to put my life on the line every damn day..”

She wiped the sleeve of her jacket across her top lip. 

In full on rant mode, Daniel went on, “Fine! I’ll stay home. I won’t give them the advantage of my expertise if they are going to dictate to me, a civilian, just who I can and can’t spend my private time with.” He sucked back a sharp breath. “They can find someone else to fight the bad guys and I’ll stay home.  I think I’ve lost enough to the Gate, don’t you?”

She stared back into his eyes, and even in the dark she could see how much he meant what he said.  “The Colonel is the property of the US Air Force.  They do have a say in what he does, on or off duty. It’s his way of life..”

“Then maybe he should retire so that he can live his own life. Let Kinsey find another patsy to risk his life every day so that the fat cats in the damn Pentagon don’t have to risk theirs.”

With some certainty, Sam said, “He’ll never retire, especially not for something like that!”

Daniel arched his brow and crossed his arms over his body; the cold night air had chilled him to the bones.  “You’re probably right, Sam.” He shivered violently and Daniel wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or his emotions getting the better of him.  With some remorse, he added, “And as you say, he’d probably not gay and I’ve just made a fool of myself over nothing, and maybe even lost a good friend in the process…” There was no self-pity in his voice, just anger and frustration.

Sam reached out to touch her friend’s arm.  “Daniel, I’m..”

“Forget it, Sam.” He shrugged the touch away. “As a friend, I thought you’d understand.”

He started to move away and she took a step to catch him by the arm.  “I was surprised,” she said, as an apology for her reaction.  He studied her face in the dim light of a distant street lamp.

With a sting in his voice, he said to her, “So it’s alright for us to go to strange worlds, obtain their technology, to form alliances with aliens...” He arched his brow and made his point clear to her. She knew he was referring to her personal relationships with Martouf and Narim.  “But let two men decide they want to be together, and the Military feel they have some stake in it?”

“I didn’t say it was fair, or right,” she said, more gently than before, as she stroked his arm. “I just said that it was the way.”

He searched her eyes in the dullness.  When he spoke, his voice was hushed with emotion. “God, Sam, haven’t I done enough? Isn’t it my turn to be happy?”

“Daniel, I’m sorry,” her voice trembled with tears.  She bowed her head and laid it against his shoulder as she squeezed his arm and repeated, more tearfully, “I’m sorry..”

He raised his face towards the star-encrusted night sky.  Sadly, he said, “There are enough hurdles in the way of love in the first place, Sam.” When she pulled back he looked her in the eye.  “It’s twice as hard for a gay man to find someone suitable in this hetero-centric world as it is.”  He brushed her tear away with his thumb as he said, softly, “I have no idea if Jack is now aware of how I felt about him before we went to that world, or how he feels if he does know – things might get ugly between us, who can say.  But I’m damned sure I don’t care what the military have to say about it if I do get a chance to talk to him.”

With a nod, Sam said gently, “I’m just saying that … The colonel is military, through and through.”

Daniel nodded and saw that her earlier repulsion had been replaced by concern.  “Point taken.”  He touched his hand to her shoulder and squeezed her firmly.  “I’ll bear it in mind if I ever get the balls to actually tell him…” They exchanged weak smiles then he said, “You should get going.  It’s cold.”

Sam agreed and moved back to her car.  “I guess one good thing about all this is-”

Daniel smiled at her. “No, Sam, you don’t get off that easily. I’m still interested to know about this crush you had on me.”

She blurted out a laugh of relief as she tugged her door open.  Her gaze was caught by an all night cafeteria across the street from Daniel’s apartment block.  She pointed over to it and said, “Maybe we ought to talk some more.”

He looked over there, realizing he’d never set foot inside that dive the whole time he’d lived in this building.  She nudged him and said, “My shout.”

He agreed with some reluctance, and followed her across the street.

<End of part 8>