PART FIVE

The door to the room that Daniel was resting in slid shut behind him and Jack was left in the corridor, lost as to what to do next. Daniel’s casual confessions had stirred something within him. Was it jealousy?  Daniel and Sam Carter had been free to explore their inner feelings without reproach.  Was that his problem? Or was it the fact that it had seemed so easy for Carter to get Daniel into bed.  Why hadn’t it been that easy for him, with Earth’s Daniel?

As he scuffed along the mesh corridor his boots clanging loudly on the metal, he wondered how Jack would have felt when he heard about the two of them.  Was he jealous? Was that the catalyst for declaring his own secret feelings for the anthropologist? A door on his left caught his attention and he stopped.  This was the room Daniel had gone into earlier.  Jack flicked the switch and stepped inside, before he gave thought to why he was doing that. 

On the far wall, laid out on a hard surface, was the Jack Clone.  From where he stood, Jack couldn’t see anything immediately wrong with him, but the body was covered from the chest down with a dark piece of material.  The chest, he noted, was bare and devoid of dog tags.

He edged over to the body and remembered what he looked like as a younger man.  Was it only two years ago?  His hair was so brown. His skin seemed so smooth. There was a faint scar across his right cheek and Jack recalled the hole in the clone’s face when they left them that day.  The face looked younger, leaner and less haggard, Jack thought.  It was only recently that he’d caught his own reflection and realised that he was beginning to look as old as he felt most days.  Gate travel was certainly having an effect on him, more so than on the others.   Jack felt old.  Old, and unloved. 

He gazed down on the man that had been lucky enough to have known Daniel as a lover.  To know what it was like to be held lovingly in that gaze and in those arms.  To have been wrapped around that body, tasted that mouth, kissed and been kissed in return.  All things that he could only ever imagine- in the darkness of his room when he was all alone. Thoughts that teased at him when Daniel lay casually sprawled out across his sofa to suck back a few beers and watch a game with him.

His fingers danced over the hem of the material and he lifted it slightly, tilting his head to peer inside.  Quickly he straightened up, dropped the sheet and looked away.  Yup, he agreed, anatomically correct, right down to the scar on his right hip and the hair on his err.. stomach.  He looked down at the face, so peaceful.  Instead of apologizing for the irreverent peek, which was his first instinct, he muttered instead, “Lucky bastard,” before he turned from the clone, went back to the door and left the room.

*

Hammond had called the remaining members of SG-1 into the briefing room to discuss the recent events.  Daniel occupied the chair that Jack normally sat in whilst Teal’c sat beside him, and  Sam sat in her usual place at the table, opposite Jack’s chair and to the left of the General.  Concern now etched itself over the commanding officer’s face as he assessed the strange events of the past few hours. 

“Basically, I’m after any threat assessment you may have on this matter,” the General said. 

Sam met Daniel’s gaze then moved her attention onto Teal’c, sitting along side of the archaeologist. “I’d like it to go on record that I was particular uncomfortable with the idea of the Colonel going back with the clone.”

“Duly noted, Major.”

Daniel was aware that he was the only one to know the truth about why Jack went back to Px3- 989. He may have been uncomfortable knowing how the clone felt about Jack, but it also gave him certain assurance that the clone wouldn’t hurt him.  Not if the look in the blue eyes Daniel witnessed was any kind of indication. “Come on, Sam. They’re hardly a threat.”

“We don’t know that, Daniel,” she argued. 

“We were there. Harlan was crazy but he wasn’t a threat.” Daniel dismissed her concern. 

She shook her head adamantly. “Begging your pardon, but Harlan stole our identities and misused our bodies to make synthetic copies. Do you call that harmless?”

With a tilt of his head, Daniel amended his previous statement. “Relatively harmless,” he muttered.

“DanielJackson is correct. Although he did acquire copies of us without permission, Harlan showed no other form of aggression towards us or the Clones.”

“But Harlan isn’t there anymore, is he?” Hammond interjected. “According to this clone he was the only one left.”

“But we know that Jack can’t be helping him make another clone, the machine was broken by the Jack Clone after we left,” Sam offered.

“So he said,” Daniel commented darkly.

Sam looked across the table. “You think he’d lie about that?”

“Would you lie about that, DanielJackson?” Teal’c asked.

Sam nodded. “Good point. I mean to all intents and purposes, this is you we’re talking about here, Daniel.”

“No, it’s not,” he said quickly. “Anymore than if the Sam or the Teal’c clone had come back through would we be talking about you,” -he pointed to Sam then Teal’c- “or you. You yourself said it that day in the room, Sam that in years to come our different experiences would make us different people.”

“That’s true, I did say that,” Carter agreed. 

“Then I can no more assure you that this clone wouldn’t harm Jack or mislead Jack any more than I could assure you that the Sam Clone, had she come through, wouldn’t.  I’d know her as well as I know this one.”

“Having said all that,” Hammond came in and asked the team as one, “Is Colonel O’Neill in any kind of danger, do you think?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“I do not think so.”

Hammond looked to Sam first. “You do, Major?”

“All I’m saying is that the Colonel should have back up. We don’t know what he’s walked into. The clone might have been a decoy for all we know.”

Because he knew the truth Daniel closed his eyes as he shook his head and said,

“Or he might have genuinely needed help and came to the only place he knew he could get it.”

“What about you, Teal’c?” Hammond asked.

“I trust in O’Neill’s judgement.  I believe he would have found some way to signal a request for help, should he have needed it.”

Hammond considered the opinions carefully.  Finally he nodded and declared, “The mission to P4x-459 will be postponed until Colonel O’Neill is available to accompany you. Dismissed.” He rose to his feet and went from the room and into his office.

Daniel waited for the others to leave before he got to his feet, wearily.  As he moved over to the window he hooked his thumb into the belt loop at the back of his fatigues then he stood, staring down at the bodies flittering around the gate, running usual repairs and maintenance checks.  Standing above the gate room, he gazed through the gray ring to the concrete wall behind it and allowed his mind to drift onto what might be happening on Px3-989 right now.

*

Sitting at the computer, head in his hands, Jack waited for what seemed like hours but was only minutes.  Soon he heard the clang of Daniel’s feet as he came along the mesh floor towards him.  Rounding the bend, the young face smiled the moment he saw him. Jack smiled in return.

Daniel stretched up high, his shirt lifting to reveal his flat stomach, complete with belly button and golden haired fuzz.  “Do you have any idea how wonderful it feels to wake up and know that there’s someone out here waiting for you?” The clone exhaled loudly and dropped his arms

Jack gave a slight shrug. “Not really. I still live alone.”

“You do?  I never thought to ask.” He settled himself on the edge of the computer desk and faced Jack in the comfortable chair.  “So you and Sara never reunited?”

Jack shook his head.  “Nope.”

“And you’ve been star gating across the universe ever since?”

“Only going forward, still can't find reverse,” Jack mumbled then shrugged with inward pleasure when the clone laughed at his lame joke. Daniel, on Earth, would have given him one of his mandatory roll-of-his-eyes.  A cute reaction in and of itself, but nothing like the smile that now bestowed itself upon the clone’s younger face.

“So tell me-” the clone leaned his chin onto folded arms on top of the computer monitor.  “What other adventures have we gone on together while I’ve been stuck here?”

“Ah..” Jack scratched his brow as he thought about that. Immediately the news about Sha’re came to mind but he pushed that to the back, searching, instead for a more neutral adventure. “Well, I got to meet the Asgaards.  We’re getting a little closer to being the Fifth Race..”

The blue eyes lit with excitement. “From Ernest’s world?”

Jack nodded; it was so weird that this man knew that.  He still had to remind himself that the memories of that event would be exactly the same for this Daniel as they are for Daniel back on Earth.

“So what do they look like?” The cloned archaeologist asked, almost breathlessly.

Jack presented the information through an inspired smile. “Exactly like the Pictures…  Only they’re little gray men, not little green men.”

Daniel rounded the computer and leaned back against it now, his long legs crossed at his ankles, his arms folded across his body. “So the Tabloids got it right, just a little off on the color?”

“Thor could get us for Copyright of Image if he ever came down to earth and took a look around at all the Alien paraphernalia we sell down there.”

The clone shook his head with surprise at this outstanding breakthrough. “Wished I’d seen that..”

Jack stared at him, recalling how Daniel refused to leave his side at that time.  “It was a good moment.. for us.”

“Us? As in Earth or?”  the clone looked hopeful.

“I was filled with the knowledge of the Asgaards and I lost the ability to talk. Flatus to speak I think is how it came out..”

“Wow!” The dark blond head tiled in genuine interest. “What happened? How did you communicate?”

“Daniel,” Jack indicated to the clone, “Wouldn’t leave my side. Refused to, actually.”

The clone smiled triumphantly. “See?! I *know* he still loves you, Jack!”

Looking around at the equipment, Jack sighed out a long breath as he said, “Oh, I don’t think so.”

“Come on, you didn’t see the look in his eyes when we spoke. He was worried that you and I would talk about things he didn’t have the heart to discuss…”

Jack frowned darkly and suddenly the clone stopped speaking. “Jack?”

“Oh, boy,” the colonel sighed loudly then looked at the clone, dread filled his eyes. “I don’t think he was worried about what we’d discuss, he just-” He shook his head and scratched at the back of his neck.  “I think he was worried about what you might ask him.”

“About?”

Jack grimaced as he growled deep in his throat.  “I really don’t want to be the one to tell you this..”

“What?” The pink mouth curled in a bemused smile. “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad! I went through the worst thing that could happen to me a month ago.” He tossed his hand towards the room that the Jack Clone laid in.

Jack stared directly into the innocent blue eyes. “Actually, that’s pretty close to something he told me the other day..” Then he grimaced again. The clone’s frown deepened. 

“I’m not following you..”

“While you’re grieving the loss of your … of Jack… Daniel, on Earth is grieving the loss of the love of his life.. too..”   A squint of the eye showed just how uncomfortable Jack was with delivering this news. 

The clone searched Jack’s face intently as he thought about that. Suddenly his eyes widened and he said, “Skaara..?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, um…”

“Sha’re..” Jack said as if having to remind him.

“Sha’re?” 

A little acerbically the colonel sniped, “Remember her?”  If this clone found it hard to conjure up the image of Sha’re when Jack mentioned the ‘love of his life’ why was it that the original Daniel was grieving so hard for her now?

“She’s … dead.” Disbelief flooding into the blue eyes for a moment as Daniel repeated the word softly to himself then he asked, “How?”

“We picked up a distress call from Kasuf.  Ammonet had come after the child-”

“Child?”

“Oh, boy!”

“What child?”

Jack scratched at his eyebrow and then squinted as he looked up at the standing clone. “You and I really have to talk..” 

Daniel stared back at him with a look that clearly stated that although he didn’t really want to know any of this, he felt he had to. 

*

Sam checked her watch, aware that Jack had only been gone about a half an hour. She got up out of her chair and went over to the stack of read-outs on her desk.  The intel was back from P4x-459 and she knew the colonel expected her to be ready to go the minute he set foot back on that ramp.  She sighed, brushed her hair out of her eyes and tried to concentrate. 

*

By the time Jack finished recapping the past two years for Daniel, including breaking the news to him about Skaara’s death at his own hand he felt like someone had reached inside him, twisted his gut and then pulled it out through his throat.  He apologized again, telling the clone that he didn’t want to be the one to have to break any of this news to him.  The clone responded quietly, stating that he needed to know this kind of thing, that he’d often thought about Sha’re and wondered what had become of her.  Wrapping it up, Jack rubbed his hands over his face as he muttered, “If this wasn’t all true – it might just be funny..” When the clone queried that with a frown Jack said, “the fact that both Sha’re and Skaara tried to kill Daniel, with a hand ribbon..”

“Lucky for Daniel you were there to save him from Klorel..”

“Didn’t feel very lucky,” Jack mumbled, and then shrugged, “For either of us.”

Before he knew it, Jack was engulfed in a strong embrace. Daniel’s lips against his throat murmured, “You did it to save him. You chose him over Skaara.  He has to know that was a hard decision.” He leaned back at arms length and said, “Jack told me.. how.. you felt about Skaara..” The older man groaned and stepped away and the clone reached for his shoulder. “I didn’t say that to upset you.”

“I forget,” Jack tapped his head. “I forget just how much you must know about me.. intimate things..” He looked side on at the clone now.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, his face wrought with contrition.

Jack pressed the heel of his hand into an eye as he groaned, “It’s not your fault. I feel so.. stripped here… You know everything.. I know.. nothing..”

“I don’t know everything, Jack,” Daniel said, cagily.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning.. I don’t know how Jack felt about the other two..” the clone swiped his lips with a nervous tongue.  “If he was attracted to them..”

“Attracted?” the older man frowned.

The blue eyes looked up at him pleadingly.  “Will you tell me honestly? Did you have a thing for Teal’c before we were created?  I just.. I kept getting this feeling, that maybe Jack did, only he wouldn’t ever tell me.”

“Did you ask him?”

“Once, but he said no.”

Jack’s brow arched slightly. “There you go. That was your answer.”

Daniel shook his head bitterly.  “So you’re not going to tell me either.” 

“I’m telling you the truth,” Jack said, “Before you were created I didn’t have a thing for Teal'c.”

“Then why did you insist on finishing the new clone Harlan had started, if it wasn’t because you wanted Jack to have a Teal’c?”

“Forcryingoutloud, I allowed the Teal’c clone to be completed because I didn’t want to break up the team.  I told you that. He was so close to being completed any way…” Jack saw the look in the clone’s eyes and shrugged. “Okay, so I might have admired, respected and appreciated Teal’c.  I might have felt responsible too, considering he’d given up his family to help us, but I never had a thing for him.  Not like I had for you.”  

“And Sam?”

Jack scoffed. “No contest.”

The clone bowed his head and Jack thought he heard, “What have I done?” but when the clone looked up a smile lighted the blue eyes.  “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”

Jack shrugged.  “So, you still know more about me than I know about you..”

“Ask me ANYTHING-” The clone held his arms wide enthusiastically, indicating that he was an open book to Jack. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

As he dropped the hand to his thigh Jack stared at the clone.  The first question he could think of was regarding Daniel’s true feelings about Skaara, but he didn’t bleat that out.  He thought about the consequences of knowing too much about Daniel.  That might be dangerous, he considered. Not to mention an invasion of the privacy of his good friend back on Earth. If Daniel had wanted him to know how he felt, about him, about Skaara, about anything, he would have said something by now.  It was unfair to get this advantage. He’d be putting Daniel in the same position he was in right now.  There was one question nagging at him though, above all others.

“Were you happy?”

A sweet smile filled the young face. “Very.”

“He treated you well?”

Daniel pulled a face. “He had his moments. Don’t we all?” Jack nodded numbly.  Daniel stepped up to him and searched the chocolate-brown eyes.  “You’re so much like him, in so many ways..”

Jack held the gaze.  “You too.”

Gently, Daniel asked, “Jack, why didn’t say something?”

The colonel screwed up his face at the absurd question. How could he? Given their circumstances?  It took marooning with no repercussions to get the truth out between the two clones.  Yet the same restraints that kept the truth hidden prior to the cloning were still an everyday part of his and Daniel’s real life.

“Like what?” he growled, angry at the situation, not the clone.

“I don’t know. How about, Daniel I think I may have feelings for you..?”

“Yeah, sure!”  He snorted derisively then gave Daniel a double take. “Is that how ‘he’ did it?” The word ‘he’ managed to sound like a jealous sneer.  

The clone frowned and defensively crossed his arms over his chest. Organic or no organic, no one got away with sneering at his Jack. “No. Actually.”

“And why didn’t you say something?” Jack snapped and flung his hand towards him.  “Why was it up to me?”

“Why was it up to me?” Daniel retorted sharply.

“Well, because you’re an expert at hiding your damn feelings.”  Jack glared at him then waved his hand and said, “He is, I mean.”  With a loud sigh he put his hands on his hips and rolled his head back to stare up at the ceiling.

“You stupid-” Daniel shook his head. 

 “Excuse me?”

“Why the hell did it have to be me?  Or him!” Daniel flung his hand out in the direction of the Stargate. 

“Ex-CUSE me?” Jack’s voice rose over the top of the clone’s.

“Oh God!” Daniel jumped to his feet, his hand slicing through the air towards Jack. He spat, in a not very complimentary way,   “You’re so much like him!”

“Who?”

“Jack!”

“That’s because I am Jack!’

“I KNOW!”  The clone clenched his jaw and his blue eyes flashed as he stared at the colonel.  Reeling around, covering his face with his hands, he bemoaned, “God!  I miss him so much!”

Jack sucked back a deep breath then blew it out slowly.  “Well, that was fun,” he muttered. 

The clone started to groan quietly then it grew into a loud frustrated laugh.  “See!  See!” He pointed at Jack.

“What?”

“That!  That’s what I miss.  Him!” He held both hands out, haloing them around the curve of Jack’s jaw but not touching him, “You!”  The two men remained staring at each other until Daniel asked, in a sad quiet voice, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Jack arched his brow and tilted his face in confusion.  “What? Now?”

A fist slammed against the console.  “I’m talking about before!” His grief had manifested itself into anger now.  “You know exactly what I mean.  Before this.. This!” He slapped his chest then leaned down with his hands on the arms of Jack’s chair.  “You were in love with me!  For god’s sake, stop lying to me and, more importantly to y-“

The clone was cut off as Jack grabbed him and kissed him forcefully. Despite being taken aback by the abrupt action, which forced him to tumble forwards into Jack’s lap, Daniel quickly righted himself and opened his mouth to accept the seeking tongue. Jack’s hands ran over the firm body within the black suit, feeling the ripples of muscles as Daniel squirmed against him, eager to fill the hole in his heart. 

Breaking for air, Jack stared at the half closed blue eyes before him then he slowly pushed the hungry mouth away as the realisation of what he just did fully hit him. 

Daniel desperately tried to capture his mouth once more as he whispered, “Jack, please don’t push me away-”

Swallowing in a dry throat, Jack realised he could actually taste Daniel.  He rubbed his hand over his lip and his brow knitted deeply.  “Holy....” He gently, but firmly, pushed Daniel from his lap and got up out of the chair to pace. The clone blinked a few times before his mouth opened to say something then closed, silent, when he saw horror in Jack’s brown eyes. 

His bottom lip trembled as he flashed his gaze around the room, looking everywhere but at the other man.  “I guess we never noticed a difference between us, both being clones and all,” he said stoically but Jack was sure he could see him trembling. “Maybe I taste like machine oil or.. something….  I never considered that we wouldn’t be compatible.”

“Daniel,” Jack said softly, making him tremble even more, the blue eyes raised to the ceiling in some attempt to stave off his tears.  “I’m sorry..” His apology had nothing to do with taste or incompatibility. Jack was sorry for giving into his own needs and desires and in doing so, hurting the clone along the way.  

With disappointment etched in his face, the clone looked at Jack.  “It’s okay.” He sighed then said, “I have to go and do some work in Sector 4.” With that, he left.

*

Daniel was still working on the pipes in Sector 4 when Jack found him. It wasn’t hard to work out where he was as the thumping of the heavy spanner against the metal pipes echoed piercingly through the compound, guiding Jack unfailingly.  

“Daniel, I’m sorry,” the slightly out-of-breath man said even before the clone knew he was near him. That made Daniel stumble in the midst of a down strike and he missed the pipe. The spanner hit the concrete floor with a deafening thud, indicative of the size and weight of the thing.  Jack grimaced as he muttered, “For that, too.”

The clone turned to look at him.  There was a stand off for a split second then he shook his head, lowered the spanner to the floor and stepped over it to go to Jack’s side.  “I’m sorry, too,” he said as he searched the older face of the man he loved. “I wanted you to be him, but you can’t be.” Daniel smiled sadly. “It’s not fair.”

“God, Danny. I wish I could be…”

Daniel’s smile grew warmer.

Jack continued, “But I can no more him for you, than you can be Daniel for me..”

The bright blue eyes blinked. “You still don’t quite get it, do you, Jack?”  The tone was loving - not scornful. Daniel touched his hand to Jack’s shoulder; his fingers stroked the padded green jacket.  “I don’t need to be Daniel, I am Daniel.”

“You’re him, but you’re not…”

“Of course I am.” Daniel explained patiently. “I’m the man who figured out the Stargate.  We went to Abydos together.  I’m the guy you took home with you the night I came back to earth. We drank beer, we discussed our wives….” He paused. “I’m the man you wouldn’t leave behind on Ernest’s world, and I’m the man you grieved for when you thought I’d been killed by fire on Nem’s world, Jack.”

Jack swallowed hard as he gripped Daniel’s hand.  “It’s not the same-” he argued weakly as he took the hand away.

“In that case, I’m the him he should be,” Daniel said with a determined look in his eyes. “The him he could be, if he’d only allowed himself to be honest with you..” The long fingers slipped over Jack’s stubble-covered cheek again.  “To let himself love you..”

Jack sighed loudly. “Too much has happened to him over the past years. You can’t begin to imagine what he’s been through. He’s changed.” He didn’t bat an eyelash as Daniel’s fingers caressed his lips. “It would never be what you two had…”

“That’s a pity, Jack,” Daniel assured him with a seductive smile. “We were great together..”  His fingers curled against the edge of Jack’s jaw and he lightly pinched his chin and pulled Jack closer.  “I only wish I could show you how good..”

Jack tugged his chin gently from the touch and stepped onto his back foot, releasing Daniel’s hand at the same time. 

“But of course-” Daniel nodded and folded himself to look down at his feet shyly. “Incompatible tastes..”

“You taste fine,” Jack told him and when the downcast eyes lifted to meet his gaze he added, “Wonderful, in fact.” 

 “I do?” The clone asked, blinking rapidly. 

Jack sucked back a shaky breath as he nodded. “Oooh, yeah-” he sighed, expelling all the air from his lungs. 

Daniel frowned and stepped up to him again. “Wonderful?”

Jack’s eyes traced the features of the handsome face before him.  “Intoxicating.”

A smile turned up the edge of the clone’s mouth slightly and he palmed Jack’s throat.  “You once told me I was more intoxicating than anything you’d ever experienced in your lifetime,” he whispered as his blue eyes took in the rugged features of the human. 

With a quick dart of his brows, Jack confessed, “Well, that’s really saying something, considering…” he was cut off by Daniel’s finger to his lips.

“Jack didn’t ever tell me about that, saying he preferred I didn’t know his darker side too much,” the voice was soft, but happy.  Happier than Jack had ever heard it. 

“Perhaps that’s best.” He nodded. 

Daniel’s palm pressed against the warm face and his thumb stroked down the dip in Jack’s cheek. “For one night only, won’t you let me show you just how great?” 

Jack shook his head solemnly. Daniel sighed as he touched tender fingertips to Jack’s bottom lip then he tilted his head slightly and closed in slowly until his lips tentatively touched Jack’s.  A hand pressed firmly to his shoulder and eased him away.   

“I can’t,” Jack said, full of regret as he took his hand from Daniel’s shoulder. 

“Then kill me now and put me out of my misery, please.”

Jack stared into the lifeless eyes and his heart broke.  “Daniel..”

“Jack, please,” the clone pleaded softly, his voice full of the kinds of pleading Jack had heard from Daniel in his darkest moments.  “I know you wanted to get to know me better, to find out about us, but.. what more can I tell you without risking your friendship with my organic?” His eyes shifted upwards to take in the metal above him.  “Go home and tell him how you really feel.”

“I can’t.” Jack said quietly then added, when Daniel’s accusing gaze fell onto him, “Not while I’m part of SG-1.”

Annoyance hissed in the clone’s voice. “That’s a cop out, and you know it.”

Jack conceded that with a faint nod.  “I can’t fight grief though.”

Daniel turned down the corners of his mouth as he shrugged. “He won’t grieve forever.”

“He loved her a lot,” Jack said.

The clone smiled wistfully.  “I know I did.”  When Jack gave a flit of a frown at that Daniel reminded him, “I was married to her too, you know.”

Jack inhaled a long, shaky breath through his nose.  Daniel watched him a moment then moved off.  Jack did nothing to stop him.

<End of part 5>