Above images captured and edited by me from Fire and Water episode. No infringement intended.

Jack placed the bag in the hall by the door and then straightened up slowly. The task felt more laborious than it should have because the circumstance weighed heavily on his heart, adding to its impact.

There was a soft rapping at the door and he opened it, peering around its edge at the caller. Sam tilted her head to look at the red rimmed eyes peering at her from the gap.

"Hey," she smiled dully.

Jack stepped back to let her in, then shut the door. She turned and put her arms around his shoulders, cuddling him close.

"Sam..." he buried his face in her golden locks as he sighed out her name softly.

She pulled back, her hand trailing up his neck onto his cheek. He looked a sight. Red rimmed eyes, flushed cheeks, messed up hair from running his hands through it in frustration too many times and his Dress Uniform still on, but disheveled.

He looked, quite frankly, terrible. Sam had never seen him look so bad in all the time she’d known him.

"How’re you doing? Nearly done?" she frowned, concerned for the colonel.

Jack looked around Daniel's apartment then back at her and nodded.

"I'm..." he swallowed, "yeah, I'm done.." he said with so much finality it stung at Sam's heart.

With great effort, he reached down to grab his bag but Sam beat him to it.

"The rest of the stuff's in the spare room," he said as he straightened up slowly, his voice now soft and hoarse from too many tears.  Sam nodded.

"That's okay. Teal'c's coming by later. He'll get it," she put her hand on the door handle then turned back to him. "You sure about this? You wouldn’t rather stay a while longer? Maybe even the night?" she frowned.

Jack inhaled sharply. He didn’t want to leave. He never wanted to leave!   He’d spent too many happy hours here to ever ‘want’ to leave. But he had no choice.

He nodded. "Hammond or any of the other's could come by at anytime," he shrugged.

After the Funeral service he'd driven out to Daniel's, worried that someone, either a relative or someone from the base, was going to come by and tidy out Daniel's apartment.

Sam had gone home to change from her Dress Uniform to help him out but she knew she was only really needed for moral support. Jack had to decide for himself what little he could take from the apartment, what articles he wanted to keep that belonged to Daniel…

"I’ve just grabbed a few things, most of it’s mine actually. He had a knack of borrowing something and forgetting to return it.."  Jack said, a slight smile tinged his voice. Sam smiled through her tears. Yeah, he did do that.

"So I've got a few of his things..  but the rest of the stuff’s actually my gear," he exhaled shakily then his tongue traced over his bottom lip slowly as he took the time to collect his thoughts. "They might suspect something if my uniforms are in Danny's... in …<cough>… his.. wardrobe..." he pressed the ball of his hand into his eye as he fought the tears bravely, but Sam didn't. She let them spill down her cheek as she pulled Jack closer to her.

"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry," she whispered tearfully. He pulled her closer, trying to warm himself with her body heat. He felt so cold. He'd felt cold ever since they arrived back without Daniel two days ago.

She let him pull away first then she cupped his tearstained cheek in her hand.

"I'm here for you Jack, okay?"

He nodded but looking at her face, he wondered who was here for whom. She gave a little smile as she rubbed her cheeks dry with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," she even blushed.

"Hey, it's nice to know he was loved..." he shrugged. Sam nodded then smiled sadly.

"He was very loved.." she said softly. Jack looked into her red eyes then nodded.

"I suppose I shocked you last night, revealing...." he shrugged.

"About you and Daniel? To be honest, Sir, I kinda noticed it a while ago,.." she bit her top lip lightly.

Jack lifted his brow. "Oh?"

She smiled. "Don't worry, no one else would have. I just noticed that in the past two months Daniel smiled a lot more and he even hummed sometimes," she laughed softly now as she recalled a few weeks before watching Daniel and Jack having a seemingly casual conversation then Jack patted his arm and Daniel had headed back over to help her with something in the lab.  He was humming and there was a twitch of a smile on his lip that he was unable to control.

Jack smiled gently. "He hummed?"

Sam gave a soft chuckle. "Yeah," she nodded as she reassured him, "he hummed."

Jack lifted his brow. That thought warmed him considerably. He turned and looked around the apartment again, while Sam watched him closely.

"You wanna have a cup of coffee before we go?" He asked, not looking at her, but at the apartment still. She followed his gaze.

The place reeked of Daniel. Every note book, every statue, every coffee cup that was scattered throughout the loungeroom, indicated that Daniel Jackson *lived* here.  Jack suddenly inhaled shakily and Sam looked at him, seeing a tear trickle down his cheek.

"I'd love a cup of coffee," she answered softly, realising that Jack wasn't ready to leave Daniel - not just yet.

He nodded without looking at her and quickly stepped back down into the loungeroom then headed to the kitchen.   Sam didn't follow him.  She knew he was seeking refuge in there;  somewhere where he could be alone to let his feelings flow.   He needed to be alone...

God, she told herself as she heard the private, soft sobs from the kitchen, he is fighting this so much....

To distract herself from the pain Jack was going through, and to afford him some semblance of privacy,  she wandered around Daniel’s stuff, her fingers idly caressing the tops of books and statues, dislodging dust that had settled on them from lack of attention.

She avoided looking at the folded flag that Jack had placed onto the bookshelf on his way in. He’d taken it because Daniel had no other living relatives that were able to attend the Funeral. Once they tracked someone down, *if* they tracked someone down, he’d give it to them.  Not that it would hold the same significance for them, Sam thought.

She wondered if someone shouldn’t try to let Kasuf know, but then remembered, by Daniel’s orders, the Abydos gate was covered. That would have to wait.

She inhaled sharply as she saw a photo of Daniel and Jack, tucked away on a shelf, unframed and unobvious.  Her hand trembled a little with emotion as she reached out and plucked it from it's hidey-hole.  They'd need to take that, otherwise whoever was to come and pack his belongings would see that, and probably wonder about the two topless men looking intently into each other's eyes.

Jack stood over her shoulder and looked at the photo.

"He took that with a timer," he smiled, recalling Daniel propping the camera onto the shelf unit behind them and setting the timer on the rapid shot camera. Luckily they were only looking at each in this shot and Jack had the others, taken in quick succession, of their kiss.

Sam jumped, a little embarrassed to be caught prying. She handed him the photo and he handed her a cup.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." she sat down.

Jack looked down at the picture. "You weren't," he said, staring at the blue eyed man in the shot. "I didn’t want him to," he cleared his throat, "but he wanted to try out his new toy." He looked at Daniel's  face in the picture, "never could say ‘no’ to him," Jack smiled, more to himself than to Sam. She brought her cup to her lips and took a sip. She noticed her hand was still shaking so brought the other one up to steady the cup.

They sat in silence for a while, Sam letting Jack grieve.

"How are your interviews going?" he asked finally lifting his face from the photo in his hands. She knew what he was referring to. The interviews back at the base about what had happened to Daniel.

She gave a little cough then straightened up.

"Fine," she shrugged. "I only wish I could tell them more, other than a body of water and flames...." she trailed off into her thoughts of the fire engulfing Daniel.

Images of him screaming, surrounded by fire, then strange memories of bubbles filled her mind.

"Sam!" Jack called out to her, pulling her out again, knowing, by the distress on her face, what she was thinking.

"God! Jack, I was so close to him, I should've tried to reach...!!" she cried now, shaking her head as she looked around for somewhere to put her cup before spilling its contents entirely.  Jack leapt up, and took the cup from her, then she folded her knees to her chest and sobbed loudly.

He reached behind her, placing the cup onto a shelf then he cradled her in his arms. They stayed like that a while as she continued to cry.

"It's okay," he whispered as her sobs started to die down again.

"Oh god, I'm meant to be here for you and look at me.." she sniffed then grabbed a well worn bunch of tissues from her pocket and dabbed at her cheeks.

"It's fine Sam," he cupped her cheek in his hand. "Let it go."

She nodded then blew her nose.

"Would you rather we went somewhere else to talk?" he asked. She looked around the apartment then at Jack.

"How can you stand it?" she asked then her voice trembled, "he's gone.." she sobbed.

Jack blinked as he looked up at a picture of Daniel infront of a pyramid over on the mantel piece. He couldn't stand it. He wanted to go back there and get engulfed as well, but there was nothing he could do.

Daniel was dead, they'd all seen his death, and tomorrow Jack was going to be holding a Wake for him back at his place.

He shuddered as he thought about having to deal with everyone in his house.  He'd already tidied away Daniel's things last night, so nothing would be left for the guests to find that would indicate the two month long affair they'd had.

"Jack, I'm sorry. After everything you're going through," she sniffed softly. "I have no right to feel this way... but I just.. I can't believe he's gone. A part of me just can't believe he's really....." she lowered her head, wiping at her cheeks again. "I didn't even tell him how important he was, you know? How he influenced me so much?" she berated herself quietly.

He fixed his teary eyes onto her.

"Sam, do you know how much Daniel admired you?" he asked.

She frowned as she looked up, brushing the wad of tissues across her cheeks. "He did?"

Jack nodded. "He thought you had one of the most brilliant minds he'd ever come across..." he stared at her now, seeing the flash of pride filter across her face.

"He did?" she asked humbly.

"He used to tell me how lucky we all were for working with someone as talented and as passionate about their work as you are. He really valued your friendship."

She sucked her bottom lip quickly then looked at him. "Oh, God, no I had no idea...." She sighed softly, undeniably happy to know that Daniel felt so highly of her.

Jack smiled and nodded. Daniel would have wanted her to know.

"I thought pretty highly of him too," she toyed with her tissues in her hands now.

"I know," Jack smiled wryly as she looked up at him. She stared at him, her cheeks slowly glowing red.

"He told you?" she frowned.

Jack titled his head. "He alluded to a one night thing..."

Sam snorted. "It wasn't even that!" The disappointed filtered through her words.

"Oh?"

She shrugged. "We were working back late one night and I .... I... kissed him," she bowed her head, even her ears were burning from the blush. "That's when he told me that he was in love with someone else.." her eyes flicked up to meet Jack's, "I take it, that someone else was you...."

He thought for a moment then shrugged. "I wouldn't know. We were pretty casual about it, well, at least, he was pretty casual about it," he shrugged, looking down at the photo, then up at her again.

"But you felt more?" she frowned, meeting his sad brown eyes.

"Yeah, I felt a whole lot more..." he said breathlessly as he looked back down at the photo in his hand, letting his finger trace the face.. "I think could've spent the rest of my life with him, Sam, he challenged me so much," he smiled now, then his smile flickered as his lips tightened, "He was my friend as well as my lover," his voice softened on the last word.

Sam blinked quickly. "That's, um, that's pretty serious," she nodded, suddenly aware of the intensity of Jack's feelings for Daniel.  When he'd taken her and Teal'c aside last night to tell them about the affair, she never even saw a glimpse of how deep his feelings ran for their fallen friend.  Looking at it now, it was yet another example of Jack's incredible ability to push his feelings deep within himself, to push on and to get on with the task at hand.

"I'm not so sure he felt the same way though...." He sighed sadly then drained his cup of it's contents.

Sam rolled her eyes a little as she looked down into her coffee cup. Daniel wasn't forthcoming with his feelings for anyone it seemed, not even poor Jack.

Jack continued, needing to talk about this. "He was always so cool about it, you know, and he was always terrified people at work would find out."

Sam raised her eyebrows at this comment. Well, now she knew. She wasn't sure how she'd have reacted had she known when he was alive, but somehow, it didn't matter anymore. If Daniel could just come back, it wouldn't mean a thing to her. She'd just be happy that he was loved so much by Jack.

"He was concerned mostly for my career," the drained colonel continued solemnly.

"He had reason to be," she said, nodding in agreement at his sensibility.

Jack looked up at her. Another scientific and damn logical mind!!   God!!

Controlling the built up rage that had been festering in the pit of his stomach for the past few days, mostly due to this particular subject - as it happens, Jack wet his lips as he said, in a steady voice,  "My career probably stopped him from getting as close to me as I was to him...." then he coughed a little, realising how much he was revealing to her now, but it didn't matter.  None of it mattered anymore, because Jack saw his career as getting in the way of his one last chance of happiness!

"How am I meant to feel about that, Sam?" his voice quivered slightly on the last word before he managed to take a deep breath and pull himself under control, yet again!

Sam wasn't sure but to her the question was rhetorical. How could she know?

"Jack, you're not thinking of something stupid, I hope?" she frowned, instantly worried that Jack was thinking of retiring again.   He stared blankly back at her.

There was a scratching at the door and Jack glanced over his shoulder.

"Danny," he said under his breath as he and Sam both jumped to their feet, both too scared to admit loudly that they secretly thought it was Daniel, fumbling to get his key into the lock.

Jack opened the door, then stepped back to let Teal'c in.

"O'Neill, I did not think you would still be here," the large Jaffa said quietly.

"We decided to stay for a coffee," Jack said, his voice dripping with disappointment as he stepped back into the loungeroom.

"Teal'c," Sam nodded.  He bowed his head in a greeting to her.

"I suppose I should help you both get the stuff to the car," Jack sighed.

Sam bit her lip then sighed, now even more convinced that Jack wasn't ready to let Daniel go.

"You up to this Jack?"

He took one more look around then shrugged. "Ready as I'll ever be."

The three of them went into Daninel's spare room, where Jack had the boxes waiting for them.  Sam took one of the boxes downstairs, leaving Jack and Teal'c alone in the apartment.

"Do you feel alright, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

Jack's tongue came out to lick slowly along his bottom lip while he considered this question then finally he shrugged.

"I'll be honest with you, Teal'c. I don't know how I feel," he sighed, rubbing his hand over his face now.

Teal'c tilted his head slightly. "It would be very difficult to lose your best friend as well as your lover."

Jack blinked, slightly astounded by Teal'c's understanding of the situation. "Yeah, it is."

Teal'c closed his eyes in acquiescence.

"I understand. It is how Daniel felt about leaving you behind on P3x409."

Jack frowned. "Pelop's world?"

Teal'c nodded.

Jack stumbled out his words. "Where I was... I was with Kinthia?"

Again, Teal'c nodded. "He admitted his feelings to me after we returned that first time, when you ordered us home."

Jack ran his hand through his hair as he sighed in slight bewilderment. That was before they got together!  Daniel never told him!

"I don't understand. I wasn't his lover....." Jack shook his head.

Teal'c raised his brow. "My mistake then, O'Neill.   I thought, by the way he spoke of you, that you both were...."

"Oh, God!" Jack sighed, sitting on a box behind him now.

Sam came into the room, stopping when she sensed she was intruding.

"Sorry," she said, looking between the two men then she pointed to another box and hurried to scoop it up then headed out the apartment with it.   Teal'c tilted his head, waiting to hear she was gone before he spoke again.

"He was particularly agitated as we watched SamCarter run some tests in the Lab. I suggested we take a walk, and he said he wished to get a cup of coffee, so we headed to the Mess Hall."

Jack leant forward onto his elbows, his head in his hands as he shook it slowly.

"Do you wish me to stop telling you?"

"Oh no, go on!" Jack sighed dryly, "I love to hear how much time I wasted with him... " he rubbed his face roughly as he stood up and started to pace. "Oh GOD!" he wanted to hit something, anything, to make him feel better. But nothing would. He'd lost the most amazing person in his life and he just found out he could have been with him a whole month earlier!

Teal'c looked down. "I am sorry O'Neill. I did not wish to add to your pain."

Jack stopped pacing then looked at Teal'c. Slowly he shook his head.

"No, it's not your fault. It's mine. Why didn't you say something to me earlier?" he frowned.

Teal'c tilted his head. "It was said in confidence to me, O'Neill. Would you have me break that?"

Jack shook his head. "No, I suppose not."

"I am only telling you now because...." Teal'c stopped himself. Jack looked at him quickly. No more words were needed.

Jack headed out of the room and went into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Sam flinched as she entered the apartment at the same time then watched as Teal'c headed out of the spare room, looking at the shut bedroom door. She hurried to his side.

"What's happened?" she jutted her chin at the door as she stood, hands on hips, next to him.

"I believe I told him some distressing news."

She looked at Teal'c and for the first time, thought she could actually read an emotion on that stony face of his. He was distraught!

"Teal'c," she touched his arm lightly. "It's okay. Jack's just.. it's a very painful time for him at the moment," she nodded with her head for them to get the rest of the boxes. Teal'c followed her and they grabbed up the last of them.

"You have to understand that no matter how much we're missing Daniel now, Jack's lost someone very special to him," she explained, then stopped and put her box down.

Teal'c's eyes were downcast. Sam knew that the Jaffa was missing his friend, but wondered if he knew how to express it.

"Daniel Jackson was very special to me also," he said quietly. Sam nodded. He did know.

"I didn't mean.." she shrugged. He lifted his brow then nodded slightly.

"You know, Daniel thought the world of you, don’t you?" she smiled. Teal’c lifted his face to look at her.

She nodded again.

"I remember he used to think how cool it was that you were.." she stumbled a little, wondering if it might appear rude that Daniel was amazed that Teal’c was *actually an Alien!*

"He had often expressed to me that he thought I was.. unique," Teal’c said. Sam lifted her brow. That was one word to describe him.

"He definitely enjoyed your company," she said. "He told me he used to pester you about Chu’lak and your experiences before joining the SGC," she rubbed her hand under her nose then looked at the large man next to her. He was blinking quickly and clenching his jaw rapidly.

"I thought he was being polite," Teal’c said.

Sam gave a soft laugh. "Daniel? No, he was just really interested… in you. You fascinated him," she said. Teal’c almost smiled.

"He was a good friend," he said softly.

Sam bit her lips together as she felt the sting in the back of her nose and eyes again. "Yeah," she coughed softly. "He was."

Going over and knocking lightly on the door she waited for Jack's reply, which never came.

"Jack, we're heading down now. We'll meet you in the car..."

"Okay," came the muffled groan from the room.

She pursed her lips then raised her brow as she headed back to Teal'c. With a sharp jab of the head, she indicated for them to leave the apartment.

Jack waited a while, making sure they'd left, then he came out. He was quite composed.

Shakily, he stood on the top step and looked down at the cluttered apartment, hearing Daniel's laughter filter through the room, smelling his aftershave waft in the air, almost seeing the man walking from the bedroom door towards him; those all too familiar glasses perched on the end of his nose, his dark floppy fringe in his eyes, his cheeks rounded by his incredible smile........

Jack shuddered violently and realised he was crying again. Inhaling a deep, shaky breath, he turned and picked up his bag.

Suddenly he remembered the photo and leapt down the steps to snatch it up. As he past the sofa he grabbed a cushion and hugged it to his chest, his tears getting soaked up by the material as he sobbed into the softness.

His thoughts kept replaying a pillow fight that he and Daniel had had, their last night together, which started on the lounge with cushions and ended in the bedroom with pillows and then the most mind-blowing sex Jack could ever recall having in his entire life.   It also resulted in them almost being late for the mission. Both had been reluctant to get out of bed that morning, instead enjoying long and languid kisses and caresses until the second alarm warned them that if they didn't get up and go now, they'd never make the 0700 deadline.

Oh, how Jack wished they'd been late for the mission now....

His body shuddered uncontrollably again.

//Oh, God..... Danny!//

He headed to the bedroom, and reaching across the bed, snatched up Daniel's pillow, tossed it under his arm and headed back out the room again.

He put the pillow in the bag then hooked the bag over his shoulder.

Jack squared his shoulders then he reached out a shaky hand. Looking back over the apartment, he switched off the light, plummeting its contents into darkness.

"Bye, Danny," he said softly before stepping out of the apartment, closing the door quietly behind him.
 

-The End -
 

I hope you liked it :-D  Let me know at [email protected]

Back to the Slash Index