After leaving Jack to the phone call, Philip rummaged through his bag on the dining room table and pulled out his cigarettes before stepping out onto the back porch. As he ran his hand over the log-cottage then onto the rough wooden porch he decided he really liked the architecture of the house, even if the furnishing didn't really suit his tastes. Slowly he took his first drag on the cigarette then blew out the smoke as he sat at the large table, huddled against the cold day.

Were they fooling themselves here? Were they both merely seeking refuge in a warm port? Obviously this Sam knew Jack was in love with Daniel, so what right did Philip have to keep them apart if their friends were doing all they could to set them up? Whatever they were doing on Monday seemed like a perfect opportunity for Jack's friends to 'help' them get together. What was this about sharing a tent? Philip felt like he was on shaky ground again, and didn't like it at all.

Who was he kidding anyway? Jack deserved Daniel! The guy was incredible ! A successful Anthropologist and Archaeologist - and as a Librarian Philip had read quite a few of Daniel's Research Papers - as well as just a really 'nice' person. He was someone who Philip enjoyed sitting around on a Saturday afternoon, playing chess with, or discussing Aztec Art with. It was hard *not* to like Daniel Jackson. No wonder Jack was in love with him. He was incredible looking too. Tall, pale skinned, blue eyes... As Jack had said, he had the most amazing blue eyes he'd ever seen. He was everything Philip wasn't. He was also someone from Jack's own 'world', someone who understood where or what this Petrie Hex, or was it P3x-something, was. Someone who could probably relate to Jack on far more levels than he ever could.

And above all things, Daniel was someone who wasn't going to eventually get sick and die slowly on Jack. Philip had no right expecting something long term from this man so perhaps it was best to end it now, before *he* got too involved. Jack would be alright, he'd have Daniel to comfort him. Then again, maybe Jack wasn't thinking long term at all with him? Maybe he was thinking 'stop gap' until he could make Daniel see sense?

Swallowing then staring at the small white stick in his hand, Philip scolded himself for his defeatist attitude. Of course he was going to get sick and die, if he kept up living the way he did! He'd only had one drag of the cigarette but he reached forward and flicked it as far into the back of the yard as he could, watching it grow damp as it laid on the back lawn. Then he sat back and looked up at the threatening clouds above him. Perhaps walking in the rain wasn't such a good thing to do anymore either, not if he wanted to stay healthy.

Getting up, he picked up his packet of cigarettes and scrunched them up in his hand as he went inside. He dropped the packet into the bin in the kitchen then rinsed his mouth with some water and washed his hands before setting about making their dinner. He stole a little of the parsley, using it to freshen his breath, as he sifting through a few drawers and cupboards. Eventually he found all the utensils he needed to peel the potatoes and carrots, and slice them up ready for the pot.

He didn't hear Jack step up behind him which made the cuddle from behind that much more sweeter. Nestling his face into Philip's hair Jack kissed him on the tip of his ear lightly.

"So, how was your mother?" Philip asked then felt Jack's laughter through his back as the man behind hugged him a little tighter.

"She was nagging, like always," he said, kissing the neck lightly.

"So I noticed."

Jack sighed and kissed the neck again, brushing the long dark hair aside as he moved across to the other side. Philip tingled all the way down to his coccyx.

"She's pretty persistent about getting you two together." He busied himself with slicing up some broccoli.

"Well, you saw Daniel last night. You know how hostile he is..."

"But you spoke to him today.."

Jack paused in his kisses then pulled back. "How did you know that?"

"When Grae came home I tried calling you. You've a message on your machine from me, by the way, and then I rang Daniel. Stupid really as I didn't know what I was going to say to him, but I did anyway, and I heard your voice in the background."

"Oh," Jack said, shrugging a little. That also explained the message on his machine.

Looking over his shoulder at him, Philip said, "You didn't sound too happy either."

Jack stepped up beside him at the bench, fiddling with a flower of raw broccoli then he brought it to his lips, twirling it against their surface as he thought for a moment. Finally settling on what he could tell his lover, he tossed the floweret down onto the pile then said, "There was a bad accident last night. A few good men died. That's why they tried to reach me."

"Oh, Jack!" Philip put the knife down as he ran a hand onto his partner's shoulder. "I'm sorry. Did you know them?"

"Only from around the base, you know," Jack said as he shrugged. Philip leaned his mouth onto his own hand as he listened.

"After I got grilled for not answering my pages..."

Philip sighed, kissing the shoulder through the t-shirt Jack was now wearing. "Again I'm sorry. I feel like that was my fault."

"No, it was mine. I'm second in command on that Base, I * know* I need to keep that pager on me at all times," he said then turned to look at Philip. "I just wasn't thinking straight last night, that's all."

A frowned flittered across the artist's face then he swallowed. Perhaps he was right to be defeatist?

Jack continued. "Then after that, Hammond drops a bombshell into my lap. Daniel's looking at transferring to another Unit." He picked up another floweret and toyed with it against his lips again before taking a bite out of it.

"Away from you?" Philip asked. He wasn't sure if that made him happy or not, but he could see by the look on Jack's face that it devastated him. "So things are that bad between you?"

Jack swallowed as he looked down. "Yeah," he sighed sadly, "they are." He tossed the bitten flower of broccoli onto the bench as he dropped his hand onto his hip.

Philip watched the disconsolate man for a moment then looked down at his work. "That must be hard, when you love him so much," he said in a small voice, opening up the conversation he knew they *had* to have.

Without looking at him, Jack confessed, "I had the perfect opportunity to tell him today."

Philip went even quieter as he picked up the knife and slowly cut through the rest of the broccoli.

"I mean, I was standing right there, we were yelling about me being the reason Graham left him and ... I had the *perfect* opportunity to tell him how I felt."

With his head still bowed Philip sighed sadly then asked, "Why didn't you?"

Jack looked at him then shook his head as he stepped in behind him. Philip was surprised by the embrace and looked over his shoulder at Jack.

"Because," the colonel smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Because what?" He frowned. Was Jack seriously going to say that what they had, based on a few hours, was worth throwing away someone he really 'loved'? Philip hated being in the middle like this. He needed concrete answers yet he always feared that concrete was never as solid as it should be.

"Jack what we have is physical. What you have with Daniel - it's on a far more emotional plain than this.."

"What the..? What are you telling me?" Jack spun him around and the artist slumped back against the bench behind him. The eyes that sparked with passion not that long ago now looked at him with regret and trepidation. After all, what did he have that would 'keep' Jack should Daniel ever show an interest in him? Terrified of being hurt again, the shutters went up on the young artist again.

"I'm being reasonable here! You've loved this guy for years. Twenty four hours ago you admitted to it! What we have is great fun but come on, how long will this last?" Philip asked, his voice shaking as he spat out the lies.

Jack's mouth gaped open then he shook his head. "Oh, No, you don't!' He said, wagging a finger in Philip's face. "I told you I don't scare off easily, Philip!"

"Oh, for pity's sake!" The younger man sighed. Jack wasn't buying this routine.

"Don't give me that! A few moments ago on the bed you told me you missed me!"

"You told me you love Daniel!"

"Twenty four hours ago - maybe! But I didn't know you then! Give me a break here, for crying out loud!"

"It's not too late Jack. I mean it's going to hurt, I won't lie, but I don't want second best either. If you taught me anything last night, it's that *I* don't deserve second best!" Philip thumped his fist to his chest as tears welled in his brown eyes.

"You're right, you don't! It's not what I'm offering you either!"

"Isn't it? You can't have Daniel so you'll settle with me?"

Jack's hands fisted in the air as he strangled a scream. "Why can't you just accept the fact that I met you and I *liked* you..?"

The hard, defiant stare was softened as a tear fell from the long bottom lash. The fact that he decided to ignore it showed that he was angry that he had revealed his true feelings to Jack. To retain some dignity Philip hardened his jaw instead, as best he could considering it was quivering slightly.

Jack touched his hand to the wet cheek, his thumb brushing the bottom lip lightly. "Why can't you see how wonderful you are? That someone might - just might - meet you and fall for *you*...?"

The lips trembled ever so slightly now so Philip tried to bite them together. The look in the chestnut eyes, the gentle tone of the voice, the constant contact and reassuring touches were not making this easy for Philip. How could he pretend he was okay with losing out on this relationship when it had come to mean too much to him already?

Jack saw Philip's attempts to regain his composure and respected that. He didn't attempt to wipe the tears because that would show Philip that he was aware of them. Instead, with hushed concern in his voice, he stroked his fingers through the dark hair as he said, "I didn't do what I did last night because I was horny and hard.." The two sets of sable eyes stared at each other for a long moment.

"I find you so incredibly attractive, Phil.." Jack whispered, feeling the younger man trembling under his touch as he inched closer. "How can I make you believe that?" He asked earnestly, staring into the terrified eyes.

Finding his voice and pushing it past the lump in his throat, Philip said in a shaky voice, "I have HIV, Jack. I could infect you. I could *kill* you..."

There was no condemnation in Jack's tone, just concern as he said, "And that's why you're trying to push me away constantly - isn't it? It's nothing to do with my feelings for Daniel. It's because you're scared.."

Bowing his head Philip looked down. Jack crooked his finger and raised the younger face up to him. "I don't scare off easily!"

The bottom lip quivered again then Philip jerked his face from the touch. "Maybe you should," he said as he turned away from him. He stabbed the tip of the knife into the chopping board and twirled the shiny blade on the point.

Jack stepped up behind him, his hands gripping the shoulders firmly. He whispered into Philip's ear, "Today I had the perfect opportunity to tell Danny how I felt about him. If I'd done that we wouldn't be here, you'd still be waiting at home..."

"Please don't tell me what you'd be doing," Philip said, shutting his eyes.

"But I didn't tell him. I didn't tell him because all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there and get back to you."

Philip looked back over his shoulder at Jack. "You did?"

The colonel nodded then slipped his arms across Philip's chest hugging him tightly. "Please," he whispered, squeezing him, "Will you stop trying to push me away?"

Philip gave into the hug, lying his head back against Jack's shoulder. After a long moment he admitted in a quiet voice, "I'm scared."

Jack tightened his hug, wishing he could drill his own good health into the smaller man. "It's okay!" He whispered, feeling Philip tremble within his arms again. "You're not going to infect me and I'm not going to run off with someone else.."

"There are no guarantees in life, Jack," Philip whispered.

"I can guarantee you this," Jack hugged him a little closer. "I'm *faithful*. I believe in monogamy and I expect it from my partners."

Philip tilted his face to see Jack. "So do I."

With a small smile Jack looked over the tearstained face. "See, we already have so much in common."

Philip laughed gently then they kissed before Jack looked at the vegetables before them.

"So, what's happening here?"

Philip picked up a slice of carrot and passed it back to Jack, smiling as the colonel closed his lips around his fingers.

"I think I need to be honest about something else then, Jack," he said, straightening up and picking up the knife again. Jack reached around him for another slice of carrot.

"I'm no chef," Philip admitted. "I wouldn't even go so far as to claim to being any kind of cook either."

Jack laughed quietly then tapped him on the shoulder. "This was your recipe," he reminded him then saw the pleading look in Philip's eyes. With a playful sigh, he said, "Move aside and let a pro show you then!" He rinsed his hands under the tap as Philip jumped up onto the bench so he could sit and watch Jack work.

As he sliced, diced and cubed the vegetables before him Jack shared them with the sitting man or paused to take a sip of his beer. Occasionally he would stop what he was doing, step between Philip's knees and rest his hands on his thighs as he reached up to kiss him, silencing Philip as he discussed the influence of some unheard of artist on his work as a teenager. Soon Jack had the dish in the oven, shutting the door with his shoulder as he wiped his hand on a clean cloth.

"What now?" Jack asked the man with the recipe in his head.

"Now we have twenty minutes to wait," Philip told him as he scooted his butt to the edge of the bench, capturing Jack between his legs and tugging him closer.

"So, what do you want to do?" Philip asked, a suggestive smile lit his eyes once more. Jack's hands gently rubbed over the thighs.

"What I want to do 'should' take more than twenty minutes.." He said.

Philip's smile grew larger knowing exactly what that was. "Well, there is always the rest of the house to see," he suggested instead.

"The only room you haven't seen is the living room," Jack said.

"Then take me there!" The younger man hopped down, grabbing Jack by the hand as he stepped out of the kitchen.

They headed to the sunken living room, Philip's eyes growing large as he looked at the huge windows either side of the stone fireplace that overlooked the green garden.

"Wow!"

"So, this room's okay?"

With a smile, he turned to Jack. "Every room in this house is okay - because it's *your* house."

"It's still conservative," Jack said, unwilling to give up the argument.

The younger man shrugged. "You wear conservative well," he said, then stood by the window and looked out. Jack stood beside him, his eyes traced over the young face then he smiled as Philip looked up at him.

"What?"

With a shrug, Jack asked, "Do you trust me yet?"

Screwing his perfect nose up, Philip shrugged also. "It's hard. I keep thinking that you're going to wise up and leave me at any moment."

"Why would I do that?" Jack asked sincerely.

"Because.. I have a disease and I'm used to people running from me." His voice was so clear, so detached that it left Jack with little doubt that many people had left him as soon as they found out. It must have reduced the man's ego to a size of a pin head, being constantly made to feel like nothing more than a disease.

Jack's hand reached out and touched Philip's cheek. "Well, I'm not running," he said, then looked down at his leg. "I've got this old injury which prevents me from running, you see. I might hobble a bit... but only a bit and.. "

Philip laughed softly as he bowed his head, appreciating the humor.

"So no more doubts, okay?" Jack said, a little sternly.

Philip looked at him then shrugged.

"What? Oh, now what?" Jack screwed his face up.

"What's this about sharing a tent with Daniel at Petrie Hex or something?"

Cringing slightly, Jack nodded. "Actually, I need to talk to you about that," he said, slipping his hand into Philip's and leading him to the sofa. They sat side by side, holding hands and turned towards each other as Jack spoke.

"On Monday I have to go away for a night."

"Why?"

"It's just a mission. As part of my job I go on these things pretty regularly."

"To a place called Petrie Hex? Or P-3- X something?"

"P3x4111.. but it's not important *where* that is. What you need to know is that by the sheer nature of my line of work, I might be back on Tuesday, but then again, I might not."

"How will I know?" Philip frowned. Jack shook his head as he shrugged.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. There's no way of getting a message to you."

"Can't you call me?"

Jack's smile broadened as he tilted his head and said, "Ahhh, no. I'm a little too far out for the phone."

"So what do I do?"

Shrugging the colonel said, "You wait until I contact you, I guess."

Philip's jaw dropped open, then he said, "Well, that sucks!"

Jack smiled then laughed. "Yeah, it does," he said as he nodded. Gripping the grumpy face in his hands he brought Philip closer for another kiss. He pulled back laughing some more.

"What?" Philip wondered what was so funny.

"Nothing," Jack said, reaching forward for another kiss. Philip put his hand on Jack's chest and eased him back away. Looking into the chocolate colored eyes he said, "Now what's this about you and Daniel sharing a tent?"

The colonel smiled. He rubbed his thumb across the bottom lip once more before closing in for another kiss. Then he pulled back.

"I'm sharing the tent with Sam now. Daniel can sleep with Teal'c."

"Tilk?"

"No, Teal'c. He's just another guy on the team."

"And you and Sam will be sharing a tent?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, she's got a girlfriend." He closed his lips over Philip's once more.

The younger man pushed him back away again. "Is anyone on your team *not* homosexual?"

Jack arched his brow. "Teal'c, I think." Then he laughed and said, "No, I'm sure actually!" Philip didn't quite get the joke, having never met the Teal'c but he didn't care as Jack closed in for another kiss.

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