He stepped into Graham's room once more, moving straight over to his chest of drawers where he knew his brother kept a good supply of these things. He pushed aside the partially used tube of lube, which he'd deliberately left behind in favor of the unopened tube for fear Jack would realize 'who' the lube was used on. He reached for a new, unopened packet of condoms then headed from the room again.

Shutting his bedroom door behind him as he came back in, Philip placed the pack on the side table, next to Jack's water. Before he could turn around Jack was behind him, his hands gliding over the soft, smooth skin, then he gripped the shoulders and turned Philip towards him.

With one final check, the older man asked, "are you sure you want to do this?"

It took Philip great restraint not to snort and tell Jack that he'd been wanting to do this since they sat opposite each other in the diner and Jack had offered his lighter for his cigarette - but he just nodded, slipping his hands up Jack's chest and cupping each nipple.

"What about you? This has got to be a hard decision for you.."

Shaking his head slowly, Jack said, "it's not. Maybe it should be, but I'm pretty confident that we won't do anything that will put me at risk.."

Philip nodded. Point taken that Jack was not going to be reckless here, but that wasn't quite what he had meant. He was referring to Jack's affections for Daniel, but he decided not to remind him of them as Jack covered his mouth with his own, drawing Philip into a long, languid kiss.

Twisting them slightly, Jack eased the younger man back onto the bed, crawling on top of him but never breaking the kiss. Philip lifted his hands above his head, gripping the bedding in his fists as Jack's hands explored the naked chest, feeling the gentle rise of the well formed muscles, then the smoothness and softness of the stomach, before sliding down and gripping the hard shaft within the shorts again.

Philip moaned loudly as he arched into the touch, encouraging Jack as much as he could. The colonel slipped off to the side of the body as he broke the kiss and looked down.

Kneeling, he gripped the tops of the boxer shorts and slipped them down the sturdy legs, releasing the large, wide erection to the air. Disposing of the shorts without care, Jack ran his hands over the dark curls that littered the very tops of the thighs, then across the pelvis - providing a thick lush bed from which the erection strained upright. Jack reached forward and grabbed up the packet of condoms, ripping the first foil pack open with his teeth. He turned the condom inside out and stretched it so that he could cup it over the tip, nestling the roll of it just under the lip of the helmet. Philip reached up onto his elbows as he watched Jack cover him with the condom. With a frown he looked at the cap, and wondered how that was going to remain there. Jack reached out for another condom, again breaking it open with his teeth then, the right way around, he carefully rolled it down the long shaft, right down to the base of curls, even capturing a few in the end of the condom. He gripped his fist around the thick muscle, feeling it twitch within his grasp, then he looked up. With his free hand, the colonel traced his finger around the parted lips, over the ripe lower lip and across the tips of the straight white bottom teeth.

"Are you *really* sure about this? A year is a long .. time.. Opportunities must have.."

Screwing his eyes shut, Philip shook his head. "Please, I don't.." He said then opened his eyes once more. Reaching up, he touched his hand to Jack's cheek. "Don't ask me to explain this. I can't! I just need you... I need *this* from you..." He cupped his hand over the one around him and his honest brown eyes searched Jack's face. Shuddering slightly, he drew in a breath and said, "And it's something I haven't *needed* for a very long time, Jack..."

The older man nodded. His hand now soothed the bicep on Philip's arm that reached for him. "That's good enough for me," he said in a low, husky voice.

Scrunching up his perfect nose, Philip gave an unsure scoff, "Is it? God, I just don't.."

"Shhh!" Jack reached down and kissed his lips gently, bouncing off the softness, then pressing back down, pushing the other mouth open as he spread his own wide. His tongue dipped into the awaiting cavern, enjoying the sensation as Philip's tongue butted against his own in the start of an eager kiss.

Philip's arms wrapped around him tightly, pulling him down and the colonel ended up releasing the shaft and reaching both hands out either side of Philip's shoulders to support his weight. He also threw his knee across the slim body, straddling it for fear of falling and crushing him. He took but a moment to collect himself, then he dropped to his elbows, his hands cradling the head as his tongue jostled with Philip's within the fiery kiss.

Showing the strength coiled within his sturdy body, Philip managed to flip Jack onto his back without a lot of effort, even without having to slip his tongue from the captivating mouth, then he wiggled himself into a kneeling position over Jack's stomach. Blindly hands and arms fought until Philip gained supremacy and pushed Jack's hands above his head and pinned them to the mattress. Jack squirmed, his body lifting off the bed and taking Philip for the ride. His hard shaft stabbed at the fabric confining it and the lot nestled itself into the cleft of the naked butt. Philip pressed his hips down onto Jack, trapping the hard shaft between them, and squirming to increase the sensation.

Desire flooded through the artist now, breaking open a box of hidden feelings that had been locked away for over a year. He suddenly craved the feel of a shaft digging into his back and butt - which he used to enjoy so much. Without much effort he'd moved, divested Jack of the confining shorts, paused long enough to sigh happily at the proud erection jutting up at him, before he straddled the hips once more and rubbed himself back against the silky flesh. The thick shaft brushed the dark skin, rubbing across the rounded cheeks and nestling within the cleft before being wriggled across the warm skin once more as he lowered his chest onto Jack's and met his lips in another scorching kiss.

Shaking his head to break the kiss, Jack heaved to draw air into his lungs. Philip remained perched on top of him, his hands again holding the wrists to the mattress above the gray head. Their eyes met briefly then the younger man lowered his face, nipping and kissing his way across the fuzzy chest, moans and sighs of contentment filled the tiny bedroom, almost drowning out the sounds of the forgotten c.d. still playing softly in the background.

Jack lifted his arms effortlessly - Philip too preoccupied with rubbing his face against the stringy hairs on Jack's chest to have a decent hold on his wrists. With one hand going to cradle the back of Philip's head and the other arm wrapping around his waist, Jack pulled himself up into a sitting position. Philip knelt over him now, looking down into the shimmering brown pools. Jack placed his hands on the butt and gently eased the younger man up onto his knees, bringing the shaft closer to his face. He closed his eyes and rubbed the sheath covered rod across his eyes, cheeks and lips, groaning in enjoyment. Philip combed his fingers through the short gray hair as he stared down at Jack. Arching his throat, Jack looked up at him. Philip smiled and continued to wriggle his butt, jabbing his hard shaft under Jack's chin, slipping it across his Adam's apple and tracing the tip along the jaw line.

With a smile as he held the soft butt in his hands lightly, Jack asked, "These don't have Nonoxynol-9 in them, do they?"

Philip shook his head, "No. Are you allergic to that?"

Jack shook his head. "No, it just doesn't taste too good when I do this..." He pressed the butt and swallowed the unsuspecting shaft right down to the back of his throat.

Philip's head spun as Jack swallowed him. His knees grew weak and his breath grew ragged. He'd had headjobs before, using a double condom all the way down the shaft which reduced a *lot* of the sensation, but nothing like this! With the way Jack had set it up - his shaft was still able to feel most of the mouth action and the tip was double wrapped, protecting the 'giver' from leakage. He moaned as he arched his back, thrusting himself deeper down the throat, which opened up to accept it. Jack slipped the covered shaft in and out of his mouth, fully utilizing his tongue, lips and - very carefully - his teeth.

Philip reached down and supported himself on Jack's shoulders but even that soon proved to be no help as his whole body began to turn to jelly. He slipped himself from Jack's mouth, dropping heavily onto his back amongst the pillows and cushions and fluffy feather quilt.

Jack twisted then straddled the slender body again, reaching down and covering the fuzzy chest in light kisses. He latched onto the nipple ring, and teased at it with his tongue while he tugged on it lightly, sending hot spikes throughout the younger man's body. Philip arched off the mattress, his hard shaft rubbing all over the rounded butt above him, desperately seeking purchase. He wriggled his hips, digging and poking the shaft wherever he could, enjoying the sensation of snubbing it against the soft flesh.

"You know, there's no stats to really prove that if I were to do you, you'd be at risk." Philip said, clearly implying giving Jack a head job, without a condom.

The colonel shook his head and then licked his tongue across the semi parted lips.

"If you have to wear one, so do I." He lapped at him again then whispered against the full lips, "it's only fair."

The raven orbs closed slowly and a warmth flooded through him that he didn't even try to comprehend. Opening his eyes again, he nodded then smiled.

"Thanks."

Jack nibbled along the jaw line, rubbing his tongue over the stubble then he sucked on the chin gently before pulling back.

"This is a two way street. I'm doing you no favors here.."

"I think you're wrong about that," Philip said, his voice thick with desire as he ran his hands all over Jack's butt, touching them between his cleft. The older man moaned softly and lowered his forehead to rest on the chest as he rubbed against the tentative hands.

"Can I breach you?" Philip whispered. Jack, already with his heart in his throat, found breathing even more difficult as he lifted up and looked down into the dark eyes.

"I don't think we are ready for that..."

A smile tugged Phil's lips then he shook his head quickly, "Okay, but not quite what I meant really.."

Jack stared at him then frowned. "And I never go bottom."

Nodding, because he just didn't see Jack as ever being in that position, he wet his lips then whispered, "Just my fingers."

"Oh," Jack whispered, making Philip smile. The younger man twisted his hips, tossing Jack off him, then he knelt on the bed, ripping open a condom pack in his hands. He placed the sheath on the top, squeezed out the air from the tip and then unrolled it down the thick, pulsing muscle. Gripping it in his fist, he kissed at the base of it, light soft kisses, then he traced his tongue around the sheath's edge, gliding his open mouth up the side of the hard shaft then dropped back down over it, lowering his head and taking the whole thing into his mouth.

Jack gasped, his hands reaching down to thread long fingers through silken black hair as he guided the younger man in the slow rhythm. Discretely, so that Jack didn't notice, Philip slipped a glove on his hand and gently probed the tight ring. The older man bucked the air, pressing his tip right against the soft tissue at the back of Philip's throat. Again, discretely, Philip squeezed out the lube onto his gloved fingertips then he touched the anus once more. Jack's hands tightened in the hair, pressing Philip down onto him more, and at that moment, the younger man breached the colonel's body.

Jack gasped loudly, every nerve ending filled with electricity the moment Philip found the hidden gland. With a rhythm that belied a years abstinence, Philip sucked Jack to the edge of the chasm, teetering him precariously on the edge. Feeling his feet about to slip from under him the colonel tapped the head quickly and Philip's hand slipped from the butt and his head lifted off the shaft instantly.

"I'm sorry!" Jack sighed, his body twitching and tingling, slowly subsiding as he stepped away from that edge. Philip smiled.

"Don't be sorry," he whispered, kissing the parted lips repeatedly as Jack awaited normal breathing again. With a guttural groan, the younger man rubbed his front against Jack's body, and he said, "god, I just want to make you feel incredible!"

"I do feel incredible, that was just the point!"

Looking up at him, Philip whispered, "Then give into it!"

Touching his hand to the dark face, Jack said, "Not yet. You first!"

Philip bit the bottom lip lightly, then smiled as he looked down at him again. "Suck me again and it won't take long!"

Jack arched his brow. "You liked that?"

"Ah huh," he said, smiling now as he captured his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Is that all you like?" Jack asked, leaning up on one elbow. Philip snuggled in front of him, his legs entangling with Jack's.

"No, actually-" He dipped his eyes.

Jack kissed his nose and asked, "What then?"

"I love being in front."

"In front?"

"Yeah." Philip's eyes searched Jack's.

"You're a Bottom then?"

A huge smile filled Philip's face now. "Most definitely, or at least," he said, his voice dropping to a sad whisper, "I was."

Jack touched his finger to the dark eyebrow, then lowered his eyes to meet the shimmering black orbs as Philip continued, "It's everything about it; the feeling of being breached, the slamming against my back, the touches across my shoulders, the arms around my body....."

Jack's finger snaked across Philip's back, reducing the man to jelly.

"You like all that?"

"Yeah. I just loved every time you hugged me from behind tonight. You didn't know it, but that was the most incredible thing... And it's one of the things I miss most about sex.."

Jack shrugged. "I can't breach you, but," he said, rolling off the bed and holding his hand out towards the younger man. With a frown, Philip got up and faced him. Jack wrapped his arms around the artist as he lowered his face and kissed him tenderly. As they pulled out of the kiss, Jack pressed on one of Philip's shoulders, turning him away. The younger man frowned and waited as Jack applied lube to his condom.

Gripping his shoulders, Jack stepped up behind Phillip and slipped his shaft between the younger man's thigh, pushing in until his stomach pressed against Philip's back. Suddenly realizing, Philip moaned as Jack's arms engulfed him, cuddling him back against his chest as he slowly thrust in and out from between the thighs.

"Is this okay?" Even the warm breath on his ear added to the tingles exploding throughout Philip's body as Jack pressed against him then pulled away. The younger man's hands came up and cupped Jack's arm stretched across his chest. Leaving that arm there, Jack slipped his other hand down the stomach, feeling it twitch as the hand skimmed over it lightly. Jack licked at the little ear, following the curves and pressing into the well, all the time aware of the trembles within the younger man. Unsteady hands reached out for the wall as Philip felt Jack's presses grow firmer and harder. The older man's hand slipped further down, grasping the hard shaft in his fist once more.

With a gasp of air, Philip threw his head back, resting on Jack's shoulder as he grew weaker and weaker with every hand pump. Matching his hand to his body, Jack brought them both to the edge, the shivers turned to trembles and the trembles turned to shudders as Philip finally threw himself over the edge, spurred on by the soft grunts and erratic breathing of the man pumping against him - slamming his groin into the soft round globes and gripping the body in a vice like clutch as he cried out, then shuddered out into the condom, his whole body twitching.

It was his soft sigh of "Oh, god, Philip," that had the younger man crying out as he exploded in Jack's hand, a year of fear and frustration silenced in that one act. The older man gently milked him until his was drained then he pulled back, leaving the next step to Philip. Weary, and still high on the orgasm, Philip took a moment to realize what he had to do. Then he carefully removed the condom, tied it off and walked around the bed to toss it into the bin under his desk. Jack followed him around, also disposing of his condom, then he captured the man within his arms and asked, "Can I take a shower?"

"Shower?" Philip frowned. He was used to his partner turning over and falling asleep. "Sure."

Jack followed him to the bathroom across the hall and he watched as Philip started the shower.

"I'll meet you in there," he said, jutting his chin towards the steaming shower. Philip nodded and stepped into the cubicle while Jack turned around and relieved himself in the toilet. Closing the lid, he went to the cubicle, sweeping the plastic curtain aside with his hand. Resting against the glass partition, Jack smiled as he watched Philip soaping himself down, special attention was paid to his groin. Stepping into the shower with him, Jack took the soap in his hands as he reached down and captured Philip's lips in a tender kiss while his hands slipped up and down the slick back, trailing the spicy smelling soap over the glistening dark skin as they remained locked in a kiss under the spray.

Pulling away gently, Jack finally let him go after a few quick kisses. Philip dropped back down onto his heels as he looked up and smiled at Jack.

"What?" The colonel asked.

"You! You're incredible Jack!"

Raising one brow the older man looked skeptical. "Ya think?"

Wrapping his arms around the broader body, Philip chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I think!" His dark eyes searched over the face, drinking in all the details then he finally met Jack's gaze once more. "I think you're the most remarkable man I've ever met!"

Jack swallowed at the raw emotion behind the quivering voice. Touching his hand to Philip's cheek he told him, "You don't get out much, do you?"

Philip's body shook with his laugh as it slowly built within him. Reaching up he playfully nipped Jack's bottom lip then he rubbed his nose against the colonel's.

"Come on." He dragged Jack from the shower.

"Uh, a towel?" Jack realized that there were no towels in the room.

"Oh, yeah," Philip walked, naked and dripping, over to his bedroom where he grabbed a folded towel from the top shelf of his wardrobe. He tossed it at Jack then ruffled his fingers through his damp hair as he waited for Jack to use the towel.

"Aren't you .. cold?" Jack asked.

"You've got my only towel. I'll wait."

The now dry man looked at the towel in his hands then at Philip. He walked over to him, wrapping it around the shoulders and proceeded to dry him off with it. Once he felt happy that Philip was dry, Jack looked around for his shorts then pulled them on. Philip grabbed a pair of gray sweat pants from his drawer.

"You want something warmer?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," he said, stepping in behind him and cuddling him close. Philip smiled as he leaned back, enjoying the shower of tingles through him as Jack's fingers slipped up his arched throat as he lowered his face and whispered, "I fully intend to steal your body heat tonight."

Turning to look at him, Philip grinned. "You won't need to steal it. I'll give it freely."

With a jerk of his head towards the bed, Jack walked them over to it together then he turned Philip in his arms before kissing him again. They broke apart gently, then climbed into bed together, Jack spooning Philip back into the folds of his body, one arm across his waist. Philip entwined his fingers with Jack's and turned his face to feel the soft breath across his cheek. They laid in silence like that for a long time, then Philip turned to look back at him.

Dopey brown eyes slid open gradually. "What?"

Philip smiled. What could he say? Thank you? That seemed so inappropriate, but it was his genuine feeling. Thank you - for letting me see that, with time and patience, I am worth something.

"Good night, Jack."

"Night..." The tired voice slurred. Philip settled back against him again and closed his eyes as he wrapped Jack's arm around him a little tighter.

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