| Tim Burton and Johhny Depp like each other. A lot. Recently, the 2 are as inseperatable as NFL lineman covered in meatsauce. The duo is of course still intact, and they've made a new film for all of us lazy, fat Americans to enjoy. And it's a remake. A Burton remake. That means the movie has the same basic principles, but organs and muscles around the bones are of different blood types. Bur-epp's latest invention is based on the classic film and book, "Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Gene Wilder's children now can enjoy one of the thousand "Motion Picture Events of the Summer". Oh yeah, a review. I'm trying a new style for movies, please try to like it. You know, the 2 previous titles (Side Note: they got the title right for this film) of this story are complete opposites. Charlie is a unwealthy preteen boy that lives with his extended family in beatie ol' house. The villian of some sorts, Willy Wonka, is a dude who makes candy. And he's got enough money and power to make Oprah jealous. But he lives presumably alone in hiding, much like Macolley Caulkin, in his large chocolate factory. The two males share little in common, yet they are often thought of in the same wavelength. That paragraph is a terrible waste. I'll try and justify it; Johnny Depp plays Willy Wonka and someone no ones ever heard of plays Charlie You really should know the tale by know. If you don't, I'm sure you can ask your local video store if you can borrow the 1971 version. The clerk will most certainly let you. Yes for free, but that's besides the point. The biggest change Burton made was the overall feel of the movie. The elder felt warm and cheerful, the newer sending more frozen negative vibes. Wonka is way more fucked up in this edition as we learn why he loves candy so much. All the evil little children who get the golden tickets are even littler and eviler. Charlie and his family are portrayed as if they were actually in poverty, compared to the suprisingly well dressed Buckets of years past. And of course Timmy Burt would make the Oompa Loompas scary, he didn't really have much to do (That means they were a little scary before hand). So how does the kiddish horror entertain? Very well. Johnny Depp adds another great performance to his trophy case as he plays a dark Willy Wonka. Like I may have mentioned before, that's about it for familair actors in this movie. I'ld like to tell you who else was in the cast, but that would require extensive research, and I just can't do that. They did a good job either way. The dude who plays all the Oompas creeps out the audience a bit, as he was grossly overpaid to. Adding to that, the Oompas are given a backstory and aren't midgets anymore, they are mearly little people. Really, little people. Not midgets. Little people. Not midgety little people. Not large midgets. There's a decent amount of humor in the movie also, as it's essentially seen as a comedy. "Chuck and the Choc Fact" is a mix of mature and immature funnies, and it features jokes about canabalism, which are always appreciated. Same with ones about Hilter, them, too. Just kidding? Fine, some story. Willy Wonka sends out 5 Golden Tickets in his famous candy bars, which allow the lucky winners a whole day to tour his chocolate factory and eventually one of them will win the overall grand mystery prize. So 5 lucky children buy respective chocolate bars and receive respective Golden Tickets. Each kid has his/her own share of generic kid problems and weird parents, such as the German stereotype fat kid who eats way too much for his heart to handle and has a large mother. There's also the spoiled rich girl, the over-competitive snot and the boy who represents almost every 12-year-old who plays video games online. He's overviolent, arrogant and doesn't treat his elders very well. Hell, he even cheats to get the ticket in the first place. And oh yeah, Charlie. He's just too doggone nice and poor. Here's a *~#~*SPOILER*~#~* All the kids besides Charlie find a way to screw up and end up out of the tour and into a large tub of defeat. And when they lose, the Oompas renew their classic tradition of singing about what's wrong with them. Except in the 05 edition they have a different music style every time. I personally liked the classic rock send off of the agressive boy who I wrote a good line or two about. And his name is Mike Teavee, so that means his profile is probably something like K1LLr_M1k3 or PimpsterTeavee. Grr. That's basically all that happens. There's a new ending, too. A little less cheesy and little more happy. I personally like it much more than the first. And oh yeah, that whole thing about not knowing anyone else besides Depp in the movie was a lie. Christopher Lee plays Willy Wonka's dad, who's ironically a dentist. And he wears white (LotR fans) and takes out a bent lightsaber and starts being a sucky Sith lord. One half of that sentence isn't true, but can YOU figure it out? Bottom Line: I can't say much bad about the movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and I just didn't hate a lot about it. Except for the singing puppets, they are bad. So it wasn't perfect, but what is? Go out and see it. The Sucky/Unsucky Box. Why "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" didn't suck: 1. Johhny Depp can play any character (he should've so played Anakin in the prequels. Screw you, Hayden Christensen. Or is it Suckden Suckysen?) 2. It's a Tim Burton remake, the only type that doesn't blow 3. You get to see a pack of squirrels attack an annoying rich girl Why it did: 1. Mike Teavee reminded me off all the little punks on PS2 online 2. It kind of made me hungry 3. Uh...it's not Godzilla or Jedi -Warx |
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