Welcome to my humble abode. I am strong, I am invincible, I am....the moderator! Did I mention I'm strong?
Rant 1 - Dogs Disclaimer: If you like dogs, I suggest reading something else. Has anyone told you dogs can be smart? Well forget it, they're wrong. Dogs are one of the dumbest animals alive. Okay, lets say your gonna act like a dog. You see sombody new, whadda you do first? Shake their hand? Say "Hi!"? No! You go sniff their butt. Pardon me, but thats screwed up, even worse, gender has no meaning in this satanic ritual. They're dumb as dirt. Now, dogs may do some clever things every now and then, but don't let it trick you, it's all luck plus the drive for, 1.) Food, 2.) Somewhere to sleep, or 3.) A new dogs butt. What good is a dog? I happen to have one and let me tell you, they're good for doorstops and foot rests. And even then they just get up and leave at whim. My dog has to be penned in a specific area at night and when were gone. That dog hates it in there. You have to literally drag it in. Now, I get home and let it out to pee (more on this later). Once it comes back in, I let her loose. You know where it goes after a quick trip to the toilet bowl for a drink (more on this later too)? It goes to the dreaded spot it hates most, and stays there. Well, at least until you come to close it up, then it shoots out (dogs would make great torpedoes if ya could fit them in a tube) and tries to avoid you. Back to dogs and pee. Dogs are like lightning, they never strike twice when they pea (especially on carpet, damn little flea-bags), then again lightning doesn't pea does it? Moving on...why does a dog need twenty minutes to sniff the yard for an open spot? If they were smart they would work in an orderly pattern instead of this scatter thing where they have to walk through it and track it into your house. Once inside they immediately go drink, haven't they learned anything!? Now, here is a nifty thing to do, take one of those toilet bowl cleaner things that sit in the tank, blue ones work well. Now, when the dog grabs a guld to go they get blue all over their face, as well as pine-sol��� flavored water. This, has a drawback as they will roll around on the last few white spots of the carpet (compared to the yellow areas they've already been too) and smear blue everywhere, but at least it'll smell pine-sol��� fresh. Plus they probably wander out and show all their friends their cool new blue faces (post sniff of butt of course). Well, with this inspired thought I will close...Dogs Are Dumb! -JB |