After Kris let me know about the type of dress she was wearing and the coloring I tried to figure out what I would find to wear to go along with it. I knew I couldnt afford to rent a tux, so I settled on my gray suit with a purple shirt to match the ribbons on her dress. Now THIS is where my lack of fashion sense shown through. Instead of just finding a nice tie to go along with the suit and her dress, I bought a black bowtie to wear that was roughly the size of a small bird which I thought would make me fit in a bit more with those wearing tuxes. Uh, I was wrong about that.....VERY wrong about that. Flowers were a small hand held bouquet that hopefully matched her dress well. I didnt have my driver's license yet, so we were doubling up with another couple. When I picked her up and saw her smile I could feel my heart skip a beat. If she ever thought that I looked as much like an idiot then as I think I did looking back now, she never let on much to her credit. Then it was time for a few photos in the back yard for our intrepid group before setting out.
After we arrived at our destination, we found a table and sat down. I sat there with a combination of both unbridled anticipation mixed with a slight bit of dread waiting for the first slow song after dinner to dance to. I figured that my slow dance style of having one foot nailed to the floor and spinning slowing around from that fixed point would really wow her to no end. Its funny that I cant remember what we ate for dinner that night or too much else about the dinner, but I can remember how it felt when the first slow song came on and we moved out to the dance floor. I remember the texture of the lace on her gown when I rested my hands on her back. I remember the way she smiled when we danced. I dont remember the small talk that we made or many of the songs that we danced to, but those two distinct moments stick out in my mind clear as day when I think about that evening. The afterprom is also a bit of a blur in my mind as I generally never was awake much beyond 11pm while in high school.
The next day we had a picnic at a state park which was kind of enjoyable to get up and out of the area and enjoy the day. We were still doubling up to get there and back and what I remember most about that day was sitting in the backseat driving up with Kris right beside me. I still couldnt figure out why in the world she would be interested in going out with a guy like me. As I already stated, I didnt worry about being in fashion. I was intelligent, but I never really applied myself as I should have during school. I was one of the most 'vanilla' people that you would ever meet. I listened to classical music and wrote short stories and some poetry that at that time told much more about me then I would ever disclose in person. I was very quiet and introverted whenever we spent time together. I was pretty much the antithesis of everything that was considered to be 'cool'. Somehow it just didnt add up in my head and I kept thinking that at some point, whatever false impression she had of me would evaporate and she would be looking elsewhere for a boyfriend.
That summer, the municipality that she lived in was having a celebration for some reason that eludes me at the moment. She was entered in a contest/pageant and I went over to watch her during the parade and then walked down to the firehall afterwards where everyone was invited for a large reception / town get together. She was a center of attention. Of course, being her neighborhood, she no doubt knew many of the people and was very outgoing towards everyone. I didnt want to interfere so I wandered around most of the evening. At one point when I was talking with her, she asked me why I dont speak to her with words. I was slightly confused at her request but at the same time ever so slightly angered. She was the outgoing one who enjoyed being the center of attention and was much better at expressing herself then I ever was. I had heard mentions that she wondered what I was looking for in a relationship with her, but I was too shy to broach that subject or even how to approach it. Now here in a very public setting I felt that I was being called out on something that was personal. The more that I thought about this, the more that it angered me. I finally decided that I would tell her exactly what I thought about her and what I hoped for us. I went up to her while she was talking to someone else and as she paused to look at me I said, "You want me to talk to you with real words?" In way of a response she ever so slightly rolled her eyes and turned back to whom she was speaking with. At that point I responded with, "There....NOW you see why I dont!" I turned and walked away feeling slightly betrayed at having her ask me that and react with indifference when I finally had worked up the nerve to really talk to her about anything and everything she wanted to.
I spent so much time trying not to do or say anything wrong that I ended up seriously shortchanging the time that we did get to know each other and spend together. Kris kept giving me little hints in things that she would write or say as to how she thought she felt, but I didnt pick up on them. At that age, subtlety wont work when trying to get a message across. Part of me regrets never having the opportunity to just be myself around her and see what came of that. I would like to think that it really wouldnt have made a difference in her eyes. Dont make those same mistakes. If someone honestly cares about you, be yourself with them. That oftentimes would be the greatest gift for each of you to give each other in the long run.