8/15/93
I don't understand.
I don't understand why this is happening to me.
These are the times that I just wish that I wasn't even alive.
No one would think Michael Jackson could fall. No one would think Michael Jackson could fall and fall hard. But it has happened.
Right now, I'm lying in a hospital bed, being treated for an overdose of painkillers. The medicine felt so good for the while, it eased my pain, and it eased my suffering. I wished I had more of it now, so I won't have to think about what is ahead of me when I step outside of the hospital building.
And what would be out there? Those cameras.
I wish those people and their flashing cameras would just leave me alone.
All they do is try to bring a man to his knees.
With their lies.
And their stories.
And their reports about the "former legend" Michael Jackson.
It's the price you pay for being successful. Someone always wants to take you and rip you apart. It's my destiny. It is my life that I have to suffer through. I cry almost everyday.
The fans see my face on TV. They think I'm happy and they think I'm all right. But I'm hurting inside. I'm hurting so badly, and I wish it would stop. I wish the pain would stop.
And now my worst nightmare has come apone me. The world is against me and I'm so alone.
I remember now.
I remember what happened last night.
I was pulled over the edge. Yes, that's what happened.
I was tired. I was tired physically and mentally and I couldn't sleep that night because I was crying so
hard. I remember, God help me, that I wanted to die.
And that's why I took the overdose. I could have died that night. They could have let me die.
They say I would hurt a child. They say I'm a molester. They say all these things for the dollar.
It's the world I live in. Everything that is done is only for the dollar.
My life is ruined just for the dollar.
I pray that one day someone or something will stop my tears. I pray that something will stop the agony that I live through just being Michael Jackson.
But for now, I will walk out of this hospital, just an image. An emotionless being that everyone wants to
look at and take advantage of. But behind the mask they don't know what it takes to be Michael Jackson.
The one they call Michael Jackson.