1993 (During allegations)
My world is falling apart.
I'm so tired.
I just got done doing a concert for the fans. I wish I were back onstage.
I can't keep living in this Hell.
Why are they lying so much about me?
What did I do to them?
I didn't hurt anyone.
But yet they want to pull me down.
And it's working.
"Michael are you okay?" I hear Lisa call from behind my bedroom door. I was sitting on my bed.
I locked myself in my room all day, trying to escape.
Escapism.
I've realized it will probably be my worst enemy in this situation but it's my only way out.
"Michael?" Lisa's beautiful voice called my name.
I closed my eyes and took another pill and swallowed it.
Lately I couldn't live without the painkillers.
And I know very well that it could kill me.
Very well.
"Michael please, come out. Please?" Lisa is begging outside my door.
I opened my eyes and tears fell from them. I cry a lot lately cuz the pain is too much. Hm. I feel a little dazed...kind of weak...all of a sudden.
"Michael...." Lisa is saying a little gently. "Are you taking those painkillers?"
I swallow hard. For some reason, I hear Lisa's voice echo all around me. I don't know what's going on. It couldn't be the side affects of the painkillers, this has never happened before.
"Michael please answer me...please..." Lisa was saying. I hear worry in her voice.
There are so many colors surrounding me, and they're all swirling. And spinning.
Spinning.
I'm so dizzy.
What is going on?
"Michael, Michael, please!"
Michael.....Michael.......Michael....
My name echoes in my ears.
I hate my name. Michael Jackson.
It reminds me of so many things.
Like their stories. They write about me so much.
They take pleasure out of my pain.
But the pain ends here.
Cuz this drug feels so good.
I hear banging. "Michael! Open the door! Please! I don't want you to hurt yourself!"
I've been hurting for a long time now.
I wish people could see that.
Why can't they see the artist for who I am?
The performer.
God, I love performing.
The colors are blending into each other, and I can feel my heart pounding against my chest.
It's weird but it feels like I'm in bliss.
Total complete happiness.
I thought I was happiest with children.
Everything starts blending into blackness. It is hard to breathe but I am so happy.
I double over, and fall on the floor, my chest feels like it is about to explode but I was SO HAPPY.
I curl into a fetal position and start laughing hysterically.
"Michael!" Lisa's voice sounds far away that time.
My laughing turned into gasping, but I'm smiling as I'm trying to breathe.
I forgot where the heck I am. And who is calling my name.
That name I hate so much.
Suddenly, I can't breathe at all.
The pain in my chest and in my soul stops.
I will hurt no more.