(Sunday - Iyyar 20, 5761 / May 13, 2001)
BS"D [with gratitude to God]
Jfer's Note: I didn't write this d'var Torah -- it was sent to me by Micah Males, a proud father who contacted me for information while preparing for his son's upsherin. I didn't have much to give him, but said that I'd post whatever he came up with at my website, since I still get asked about my son's upsherin fairly frequently (he's six now!). I love this minhag [custom], and I'm happy to help others find meaning in it as well.
Please write me if you're stuck planning an upsherin, or if you even if you're not. If you come up with a d'var Torah of your own, I can even post it here to help others plan their own simcha!
With much gratitude to Hashem [God], Penina and I would like to thank everyone for extending themselves and making the trek for Nesanel Mordechai Tzvi's special day. Seriously, I could not have written the script describing how this family get-together got together. Family traveling in from Cleveland, Monsey, Queens, Baltimore with detours to Philly and others rushing back from Teaneck; Cakes being driven in from Uncle Yitzy's bakery in West Orange, New Jersey; Mom's Shabbos turkey and lox flown in from Cleveland by courier - not to mention coordinating everything in between a car accident.
For those who are interested, we've arranged a family discount package with the barber right afterwards. :)
Initially, we had trouble contracting someone for the Sunday immediately after Lag b'Omer [33rd day of counting the Omer; on days 1 through 32, hair cutting of any kind is forbidden]. One of my co-workers suggested that I purchase one of those haircutting kits and do it myself - sort of like how a bris is a bigger mitzvah for one to do it themselves rather than through a shaliach [emissary]. However, last time I did that was while experimenting on Akiva's head and judging by the job I did Wednesday on the front bushes, I haven't gotten too much better since. :)
I was looking for something appropriate to say about the minhag [custom] of upsherin and there's really not too much out there. I was in touch with <name omitted>, our cousin in Efrat, Israel by e-mail. He wrote me that the minhag was not very common at all in the previous generation, except in the Chasidic community. Lately, he said, it's spread like a Lag b'Omer bonfire.
In my research, I came up with a few text sources:
The Sefer [book] "Taamei Ha-Minhagim" mentions that it was a "known custom" to travel to Meron on the anniversary of the death of Rashbi [Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, a beloved leader who died on Lag b'Omer almost 2300 years ago]. People would bring their little children for their haircuts and they would celebrate. The haircut was called a chalaka. The etymology of the word is as where Yaakov [the biblical Jacob] is called ish chalak, smooth [man]. The implication is that they would shave off more hair than we do today.
Several sources point out the juxtaposition in Sefer Vayikra [the book of Leviticus], Perek [chapter] 15 of the mitzvah [commandment] of orlah [leaving the produce of trees for three years] and peyos [leaving the corners of fields unharvested for the poor]. Just as the tree is off limits for three years until it is considered mature, so too do we wait for a child to mature three years before making peyos [in this case, the "corners" of a child's hair -- earlocks -- which are left slightly longer].
This idea is developed in conjunction with the passuk [verse] in Devarim [Deuteronomy] (20:20, which compares man to the tree of the field).
The significance of the number three can be connected on several fronts. There is the Midrash [rabbinic "tale" which comments on the Torah text] of how Avraham discovered Hashem at the age of three. The number three establishes a chazakah [strengthening; doing the same thing three times is considered to give it almost the status of an oath]. In fact, Lag b'Omer is thirty-three.
There is what seems to have been an urban legend regarding Rav Shimshon Refoel Hirsch [Torah leader of the 19th century], of blessed memory. I figured I could earn some brownie points with our yekkish [German Jewish] contingent with this story. As we all know, those of the yekkish persuasion, celebrate the 3rd birthday with a vimple kiddush [festivities accompanying the presentation of a wimple (Torah wrapper), often made by the boy's mother or a close relative] as opposed to an upsherin. Despite this irony, the story making the rounds in cyberspace is that a Hungarian Jew moved to Germany and invited Rav Hirsch to his son's upsherin.
Supposedly, Rav Hirsch spoke at length at the simcha [celebration] about the concepts of Orlas Ha-Lev, Orlas Sefasayim [philosophical concepts reflecting the "impediments" to clear feeling and speech], as well as a new concept of Orlas Ha-Rosh [in this context, meaning "impediments" of the mind]. The idea was that cutting the hair is removing some sort of impediment to learning. However, my chavrusa [learning partner] is friendly with a grandson of Rav Hirsch who worked on the English translation of "The Collected Writings" and he claims he never heard of the story.
Returning to a concept we mentioned earlier, man is compared - on many levels - to a tree. In fact, if we go back to sheishes y'mei b'reishis [the six days of creation], we see that trees were created on the 3rd day.
In Bereishis [Genesis] (1:11), Hashem commands the ground to bring forth eitz p'ri [literally, trees which are fruit] and ultimately the land only brings forth eitz oseh p'ri [literally, trees which make fruit] . Rashi [eleventh-century scholar] picks up on the inconsistency and points out that initially, Hashem wanted that the tree should have the taste of the fruit and the land disobeyed, only to produce a tree where solely the fruit was edible and not the tree itself.
Exactly how and why the ground disobeyed is discussed in the appropriate places. However, one thing seems obvious. That initially, it was Hashem's will that the relationship between the tree and its offspring should be closer, their characteristics more common. And ultimately, what the ground did in setting up a situation where, despite their bond, they lack recognizable physical resemblance was not desired. Returning to the man/tree metaphor, performing Hashem's original desire would seem to be one of our goals in parenting.
That is, our children, while growing into separate, functioning Jews, should as closely as possible resemble the trees which bore them - and maybe better! In software terms, we call this an upgrade - we fix a few bugs and introduce some new ones.
Read about Yerachmiel Meir's Upsherin (my own page, but not as comprehensive)