What is a parent but someone who loves a child despite what they may do or say. Despite who they become, what they are. Despite how much joy or sorrow or pain they cause. This is what has my heart in agony. My child. The one whom I first brought into this world almost 16 years ago.

How do you react when that child you brought into this world tells you they wish you were dead? How do you react when that child you have loved from the day they arrived tells you they hate you? How do you react when that child you have by your own hand raised and nurtured raises their hand and hits you? How do you react when you walked over Heaven and earth to give that child everything takes their own feet and kicsk you? How do you react when the child you gave life to writes over and over "I will not kill my Mom." and then tells you they wish you were dead?

I have lost count of the times in the last 6 years or so that my child has been hospitalized in a crisis stabilization unit or detained in the juvinille justice system because she has hated me, wished me dead, hit me, kicked me, and written for all the world to see..."I will not kill my Mom."

What happened to my child? When did that loving soul who could never seem to live or do without me suddenly turn into someone who can't wait to get away from me even if it means my dying. Or worse, being killed by her. I can not fathom the idea...

My heart aches because despite all the techniques I tried to raise her right with God, good values, rewards and dicipline I still lost hold of her somewhere. In some way, the devil took hold of that piece of her that belongs in my heart and used it to destroy our relationship. Despite my prayers and love I lost her. Her mind is twisted with ungodly things and truths that are not a part of reality. She obsesses over people and things that make no sense. She writes beautifully, but with an obsession over some one or some tihng.

I lost her and now I have to let her go. She will be entering a program for troubled kids that takes at least six months. I have fought hard not to come to this place but now I have no choice. Because now, not only am I at risk to be injured so is my two year old son and I just can not take that chance. It breaks my heart but it has reached the point of tough love. I love my daughter very much and know that I am doing the right thing. God is opening the doors for this program and now I just have to leave it all in his capable hands.

And as she goes, this is my prayer:

My God, I want my daughter back. Reach down into the pit of hell and grab hold of her heart and mind and put them back into the protection of your loving arms. Guard them with your love and bring her back to you....and me. Take that demon of evil out of her mind. Command the demon of hate in her heart to leave. Command the demons of obsession, lies, theft, unreality and whatever else resides in her and tell them to release your child...my child. To leave her and never return. She is your child. You have a plan and a purpose for her life. The devil can not have her anymore. In the name of Jesus, I as her mother, command those demons to leave and never to return. I have that authority as her mother thru the Lord Jesus Christ. I command you to leave my child, my home, my life and never to return.

Proverbs 22:6