So at what point did I decide to give my heart and my life to Jesus? Was it at eight when I waked down the asile and got baptized? Was it the many times in life that I rededicated my life to him? Was it the many times I fell to my knees in the middle of the night and begged him to forgive me and take me back? Was it the many drunken nights that in a stupor I realized my life was really messed up and knew this was not how a Christitan was supposed to live? Was it one of the few divine encounters I had with him? Believe it or not...not one of them led me back. It was the ministry of a homeless shelter I found myself in.

I was homeless. I was 39 , single, penniless, jobless, had a 14 year old daughter and an infant son and I of all people was homeless. I began to look back on my life at the many things that were there and thought to myself, I was supposed to be set by now. I was supposed to be well into my career with my house with a white picket fence, a family, and doing so well that I would be able to retire early. That was my plan anyway. So where did I go wrong? What important ingredient was missing from my life that would allow me to have it all and eat my cake too?

It surely was not a man. God knows I had terrible luck in that department and had my heart broke more than once. I had every opportunity everyone else had but was not living the "American Dream". My oldest daughter was far from behaving and acting as she should and here I was at 39 with a baby. WHAT HAPPENED?

What happened was I left God...Jesus out of my equation. Oh when times were tough I called out to Him to help me out of my dispair. But all in all...my heart was just not in it. Yes, most times He gave me a hand out of the situation I was in. He kept His part of the deal. But not me. After He helped me and I had myself a feel good for a couple days or weeks I would once again forget about Him until I needed Him again. I allowed myself to drift into His mercy an love when it suited me and then turned right around and drifted out of it as soon as things got "good". So here I was homeless and needing God.

As a requirement we had to attend church to be at the shelter. Most of the people there had been the picture of homeless most of their lives. Some like me had fallen on hard times. It was especially hard because we endured our time there during the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays. Those are the days we are supposed to be with family or friends. Although we were able to go spend a couple days with ours, it just did not feel right because we were in a shelter and I could not tell anyone that. I was to embarrassed and ashamed to tell them. But the fact is...we were homeless, it was the holidays and now I was being forced to "go to church".

It was an eye opening experience for me. Most of the church we attended was African American. The shelter was run by their church and since I did not have a working car at the time either I had to attend that church. I was far too proud to go any where else because then people would know. This place was the picture of all the whooping hollering black churches you see on TV. They could open the flood gates of Heaven and He would come down and they would bask in His presence. It started to get to me. I started to feel it. I wanted what they had. But I wasn't quite ready to explore it that deeply because by this time, I was getting ready to move to my own place. But they definately had something I wanted. They had Jesus. And I took a piece of Him with me when I left that church that last time.

It took me four months to cash in that piece of Jesus I took with me that day and since then my life has not been the same. I began to attend a local church regularly, tithe as I was supposed to, and get active in the praise team. And from my previous blogs before even writing this series you can find the blessings He has given me. NO, it has not all been a bed of roses. But it has made it easier to deal with since I allowed Him fully into my life. I am stronger than I have ever been before. He can do the same for you.

Jesus is the only one who can take away your pain. He is the only one who takes away the storms of our lives. Know that Jesus loves YOU and all your needs supplies. Let Him be the one, on who your heart relies.

That is a paraphrased chorus from a song I wrote...20 years ago. It is what I live by today along with His word, the Bible. If we trust in Him, He will deliver....everytime.

Psalms 119:37

**I am forever grateful to C.J. Steele Ministries and the Miracle Tabernacle for bringing me back to Jesus.