It is hard to write this time. I've been writing about my life so others can see that no matter what you have been through in life, God will always accept you just the way you are and help you through some of the most potentially disasterous times. This piece of my life happened just Friday at the Women's Center in Gainesville.

I thought it was a routine check-up after a previously abnormal pap in late April this year. But when the doctor came in the room he just did not look too happy. He said he was going to explain the proceedure he was going to do today and that at some point the lead doctor would come in to evaluate his findings and determine if she agreed. I was like wait. What proceedure? He explained they were looking for cancerous cells in my cervex and if any were found he would do a biopsy. I was in just a bit of a shock.

As my not so routine exam started (and we all hate these I know), he tells the nurse he needs the doctor in there right away, babbles off some medical jargon to her and said tell her it is without solutions. Now me, I am not so stupid. I know the cancer type terms they use because cancer has been a part of my family for years. I know the things he is saying are not great news. Within minutes the lead doctor comes in and is now taking a look and says "Oh yea. I blah blah blah medical jargon" and then says "Wait, this is without solution?" There is this tone in her voice I do not like. The other doctor is like "No. I have not done any solutions yet." More medical jargon and he is told apply solutions.

Instead of being in and out the lead doctor stays for the entire exam writing like a mad woman. All the while they are trying to talk around me with short sentances and medical jargon. Then are like oh, by the way don't be alarmed were just talking medical stuff. I am like DUH! I am not stupid and I know a lot of what your talking about.

In the end they have taken 3 biopsies, my you know what is on fire from the solutions, and it is all I can do NOT to cry. I leave with the knowledge of nothing they told me directly and get into my car for the hour drive home. An hour that is not only going to be spent in agony but trying to pray over my 15 year old daughters constant banter.

Despite what I know. Despite what they have not told me YET. I know my God is bigger than this. He did not bring me this far into the game to bring me out now. There is too much left for me to do. If anything I am going to learn to trust Him more. I am going to learn to have more faith in Him than in the doctors. I am going to learn to pray for those who are far worse off than I. And yes, I am going to grow closer to my Lord.

SO DEVIL! YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS OLD GAL. YOU CAN NOT STEAL MY JOY. I'M NOT GONNA LET YA! AND MY GOD IS NOT GONNA FAIL ME.

Two years ago I would have just laid down and gotton ready to die. But today...I know my God will see me through just yet another stick from the devil. Difference is, I know my God wins in the end.

God Bless!

Luke 9:11