That photo was probably our last photo together!

3rd Of May a Tuesday -my most loathed day of the week. Always such non exciting, boring day. Approx 3 oclock in the afternoon. 2 hours before i am due at work. approx half an hour before we are due to go shopping... just like any normal day... almost

Weather : Cold, rainy and dark.

I sit K down. There is something obviously wrong with her. Maybe she's grieving her nanna's death? I ask her if anything wrong.

She smiles at me and covers up that she is okay. I know she is hiding something.

I take her hands and ask her again what is wrong,  she knows by the way that i asked her that i want an honest answer. She looks down and splutters out "I think i want to travel overseas" Both our hearts just sank i almost threw her hands back at her. I knew this wasn't going to be good, and she knew even more that was yet to come out.

I thought she meant maybe in a few months time, and we would work through it together. I got dressed and sat down with her.

We start talking and she comes out with

"I don't think i'm ready for us"

WOAH.

WHAT!?!?!?!

I did NOT see that coming. My chest tightened. My heart started beating faster, i paniced.

"but we love each other?!"

The look on her face, her body lanuage was just heartbreaking. She looked extremely guilty for having to do this to us, she looked heartbroken for leaving, she looked disgusted - maybe at me. Maybe just at what happened.

I honestly felt so panic stricken, so shocked and heartbroken i felt i would die. I remember mumbling out those words "i feel like i am going to die" I realised i wasn't crying yet.. why wasn't i crying??

She replied in a tone that suggested i was being rediculous but her words faded into a tired exhale. " Your not going to die"

I had no idea what to tell her, except to  convince her that she was wrong it was almost instinct.

"This is so hard" i said in physical and emotional pain

"i'm so sorry"

"will you feel the same in the morning?"

*nods*

 

lol! i wasn't sure if she was having a moment of loosing the plot. She's done it before!

"i hope you find what your looking for"

"You should keep dancing, and perform.. your a great dancer"

Within 2 hours of the breakup she had packed everything she could find that she owned including our Beautiful little puppy and loaded it all into her car. I just watched her pack, i couldn't help her, and she wouldn't let me help. It was the most horrible thing i had to ever go through, especially to watch her pack up our lives and leave right infront of my eyes. It was too much to deal with in one day and i resented her for that for a long time.

We were both crying out the front of my house, her sobs filled the neighbourhood. I was just stunned. It was a nightmare. I was so in love with her and she was telling me that we couldn't be together. She was my entire world, especially in my vunerable state. Our puppy was sat excited near the car, with no idea what was going on. We embraced in the rain, she told me she loved me and that she will miss me. Her voice was desperate and terrified. I didn't know what the fuck to think, do or say except tell her that i love her and that i always will.

"I don't want to let you go!"

"I have to.."

 

...where we really never going to see each other again?

We let go of each other she put Hucky in her car and drove off with two beeps of her horn.

I stumbled back to the front door and that is all i can remember. Everything else from  the next few days is gone, it was just unbearable. I guess i have blocked it out. I door remember i had my parents with me and their support will never be forgotten.

Where we to see each other again????

How was i going to cope?

I ended up finding someone extremely strong, insightful and loving... Who was it?? :)