For me..Personally i felt the best thing in life that is free is love. I mean there is an uncountable list of wonderful things for free but the ultimate that i have experienced is being in love.

I’m not sure why I want to share this, but I do. I guess want to be heard.

I fell in love.

....i fell very deep, and very fast, and very hard. I fell instantly. As soon as i saw her i had to know her. It was love at first site - it wasn’t romantic love but it was love none the less.

The way that we met each other will always make me ponder to whether it made things more romanticized... Like if we had met in a normal setting, would the feelings have been the same, and to the same intensity?

My first memories of her are from a Light Opera Performance. Her singing just blew me away, and her huge brown eyes that lit up on stage. I know that i idolized her, i adored her, and maybe it was because she was on stage and made up. I don't know... the funny thing is that she had the same experience with me. I was in a beautiful dress, dancing ballet. This instantly won her over also. She loves ballet.

We both thought "This chick rocks!!!"

We would be on stage in front of a small audience, and yet we would still make eye contact in the middle of our performance whilst really we were meant to be in character.

I remember running out from the dressing rooms to side stage just to see her in the scenes that i really enjoyed watching. I would go home just estactic.I would be overjoyed and just couldn't wait until the next show just to see her. To dance for her. I didn’t dance for anyone out in the audience. I now realize.  

At some stage in our new friendship we exchanged emails. We added each other to our online world a.s.a.p it was then that we really were blown away by our similarities, our interests, our desires it was incredible. So incredible that we would just chat about everything until we were still up at an ungodly hour! I really couldn’t get enough of my new friend. I absolutely adored her, and really i think she felt the same. I know she felt the same.

Quote: "Oh my god it is like we have one mind!!!"

Because our connection was extremely powerful after some time we felt a desire to be with each other more often. To spend time with each other - hang out. Just have a ball. Most of our friendship was online as we lived about an hour away. When we did see each other it was like we had only ever conversed in person. There were fireworks between us and we both felt it.

Our friendship consisted of everything a friendship can consist of. I looked at this girl like she was the world, I looked at her and wanted to help her in her life, just like she helped me. In some ways I guess I saw the child in her and I wanted to nurture her. In some ways K seemed to respond in the same way and really had a way to bring peace into my life when I felt like I could erupt from everyday pressures. Sometimes she was more like my senior and I felt safe with her presence. Everything you can find in a friendship we had – caring, looking out for each other, love, humour, we leant on each other in times of need, we lifted each other up during mediocre evenings, we were silly, we were serious, we were lovable, we could tell each other everything and we did.

I have had wonderful friendships before, and still do, but this one was just different. – it made time stand still.

In june 2006 about a year after being friends (and only seeing each other in person about 3 times! - out of the show) K invited me to help her unpack her things into her new flat. She moved to be closer to uni and to be closer to me. I was flattered! She arrived, to pick me up. I opened the door not expecting to feel butterflies, not expecting to feel so damn happy that she was standing there in front of me, but as i saw her after opening the door we both surrendered to whatever was going on and we just stood there grinning!! In that second i remembered why i adored her so much. I just couldn't help it! Those brown eyes!

We ended up back at her flat and unpacked her stuff. There was definitely  sexual tension in the air. It has always been there to some extent whether we ignored it or not. She was the first person in my 21 years to turn me on by just being around someone. I wasn't all that familiar with same sex feelings but i know that at that moment i realized that this girl really had a hold of me. We talked and laughed and quoted( and flirted) all night!! We laughed about how her neighbors probably were going nuts with how loud we were! We didn’t even need alcohol to help out. It was just there already.

4am nonsense : Quote: Barney from the Simpsons in a bikini huming to i dream of Jeanie :da da da da da  da da da da d a da da da da BELLCH!"

It was really an awesome time. To be honest, some of the time i felt uneasy. I felt like i had never opened my heart before, like i was about to jump off a ledge. I knew that i was holding back from her, i was petrified. It was unfamiliar ground and I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. But I really loved this girl.

The next day when you would normally return home, she asked if i wanted to stay over again - i replied with a "hell yes!" (or something of the sort) either way we were really excited to spend time together. I guess we became more comfortable with each other because that is when things became physical.

That was it for me. I was head over heels. Already. after 2 days of being with her, after a year of friendship - i was already hoping somewhere deep down that I could be this close to her forever. I knew that that was ridiculous, that we were just mucking around and that sometime it would end…but I hoped it didn’t.

 Little did i know she felt the same - and yet she had major doubts. I had doubts also, i mean it’s scary loving someone so much and knowing that it could go somewhere serious - but with a girl??? It didn’t feel right; society told us it wasn’t right. Our parents wouldn't agree, maybe our friends wouldn't agree? It was scary to accept that i had these feelings for her.

I felt that in my life i had come far enough to know that this was something extremely special and i wasn’t prepared to throw it away because of these doubts. I'd had my fair share of experience and i knew that this really was a once in a life time spark. I refused to let them destroy what we had. Unfortunately for K, she was a few years behind me – only just 20 and hadn’t come far enough yet to know whether this was as amazing as it felt or if someone of the male kind would make her happier. How would she know if she never tried? All she knew is that she really loved being with me, had never felt this way about anyone and for the first time felt complete. 

So after a few weeks or more it came to a point where we would either continue as just friends and fizzle out our intimacy or take the next stage and become a couple. Very naively we decided to become a couple.

:O

I didn't know what we were doing, if it was right or wrong, all i knew is that she made me fly.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! =)

Should i go on? it get’s so depressing!! We really found ourselves amongst a series of unfortunate events that we found ourselves struggling to deal with.