Do you know that point in your life where for the first time your thinking becomes conscious. It is like you start to become familiar with the process

of your own thoughts creating feelings which can change your whole world around you. You start to realise that maybe what you think isn't a force from a higher power, or something that just happens totally without your control. In actual fact you are the one controlling your thoughts whether you realise it or not.





I remember this moment so well. I was 18 when i realised i was my own worst enemy. I had a best friend - J, who i really adored. Unfortunately J would bear the brunt of my demons. 10pm, 12am, morning, night she was who i leant on. It wasn't until she felt completely weighed down by my despair that she said enough. Before i knew it, the person i had loved so much, the person who listened when noone else would, the person who showed amazing actions from the heart stood back and told me to fight this alone. It was going to be the only way. I was completely overwhelmed at this but i knew she was right and i didnt fight it. It was completely positive for me even though at the it felt like it was the worst thing that could happen. I surrendered myself and admitted what i had been doing to myself, to my friends, to my life.   I had been living with a right pratt 24/7 who wouldn't let me lighten up, who wouldn't let me smile, who wouldn't let me stand up and fight on - me. J was right. I threw away the shovel i had used to dig myself down into a hole and i used my hands to lift myself out.  

I was free from my self distruction, even though i had a hard experience, i had knowledge gained. My first taste of insight was under my belt.  J was relieved. Even though  we have taken different paths we have and will always know that there is something there a bit more special between us.  J will always be in my heart and will always be a true friend, someone who changed my life.