Almost got another little man, but missed out this time.

It's funny when you feel something isn't quite right but you ignore it because you love the thought of it so much...

I really want this doggy, but i can't have him in my parents house...

Ive been really annoyed with them as they didnt even consider hearing my side, it was a no straight away. It makes me feel like theyre treating me like a child again. Everyone who met him fell in love with him and said how could they refuse...once they see him and hold him they will melt...but my parents have hardly looked at him let alone hold him. They act like he doesn't even exist its just 'no'

I dispise that so much. Whether i was keeping him or not, how can you ignore such innocence. I never want to be like my parents.

There is a small part of me that knows its probably not the right time to get a nother puppy... i don't know why... maybe its just parental influence...

=(

I started a road of healing again. It has been really revitilising, calming and spiritual. About  a week into it i started realising ive been ignoring any feelings or thoughts i had for k. It all came out a few days ago after asking about her to one of my good friends. I felt like i had been taken back many months. It hurt just as much. I missed k just as much. However the recovery is so much quicker than it used to be.

Some people don't want to hear about it. The person that helped me through it the most i feel ive overstayed my welcome and there is no more help or patience with the subject...

Others mention that its okay to feel this way even this long after - they can see that im still functioning and very happy otherwise, im still moving forward yet they can see that what i feel is very real still -

One person mentioned that the fond memories are always going to be there and its just a part of you now...

I feel i wont really be able to let it go until i fall in love again.

I really really love k, and wish we were in each others lives again. Noone really knows this...

i have to remember to see joy in my life now though, and not forget the sweetness each moment holds. Otherwise the life will be sucked right out of me while im pining for someone who has seemingly completely moved on.

I have quite a bit to walk before i can release the pattern that is creating this condition.

And so we go on.