A routine part of my day includes me sitting down at my porn-free computer (I swear) and checking out the day’s headlines on CNN.com. Some headlines make me smirk, and some make me giggle. Some make me grimace, and some make me brood. Then, there will always be one that irritates the shit out of me. Today was one such headline.
“On-the-job naps might cut heart risk”. This article attributes this claim to new “research” on napping. I bet. I’m going to go ahead and start doing “research” on videogames. “Yeah man, good idea.” After that I’ll probably do some extra “research” on taking dumps, followed by “research” on the female anatomy.
But then they slide in the phrase, “might cut heart risk”. Might. Yeah, I “might” be able to take you out to dinner tonight. I “might” be able to have sex with Anna Nicole Smith too. Oh wait, she’s dead.
Studies like this are released all the time, and people just immediately change their lifestyles because of what something “might” do. This is just something that has shown correlation, not even proven. I think facts should be paid more attention to when ‘scientific literature’ is presented. Sure, napping has shown to have some positive health effects, but it shouldn’t be the last desperation attempt to fight cardiovascular disease.
Here’s a fucking idea; how about we worry about being obese?
What’s the one thing that can lead to a multitude of shitty health effects in life? Obesity. What’s the one thing that can cause hypertension (high blood pressure), coronary heart disease, diabetes, hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol and fats in bloodstream), and more? Obesity. What’s one more reason you won’t be getting laid any time soon? Obesity. What’s the one thing that is guaranteed to take half an inch off your dick for every fifteen pounds you are overweight? Obesity. Christ, that alone should be reason enough to avoid obesity.
Look, it’s not that I hate, or even dislike fat people at all. It’s the fact that I hate when people consider themselves helpless, and continue a lazy lifestyle when they may be unhappy with themselves. Happiness in life doesn’t equate to being an average or thin, healthy person. But if happiness is what you seek in life, then being a healthy person is certainly going to prolong that “gift” called life. Or “curse”, whatever.
Let’s get back to today’s point of taking naps to possibly cutting your risk of heart disease. Instead of looking for bullshit ways that “might” work, why don’t we focus on lifestyle changes that are guaranteed to help lower these risks of heart disease? Forget napping; if someone puts effort into a nutritional diet accompanied with a bit of exercise, it’s a good possibility they will have the energy to continue on throughout the day without the aid of a nap in the first place! I mean, shit! 31% of Americans are obese (30 pounds overweight)! That’s 59 million people. 65% of people are at least overweight (10 to 30 pounds overweight). There needs to be a shift away from the sedentary lifestyle, and giving people false hope by telling them to do stupid shit like ‘taking naps’ certainly isn’t going to help.
All I’m saying is that instead of cutting corners, or maybe not even bothering to try to go around the corner, isn’t going to solve anything. Don’t easily buy into stupid gimmicks that “might” be healthy and beneficial. Concentrate on fact, and what is proven. It’s certainly going to take some extra work, maybe some goal setting, but every single American is capable of that. And hey, you “might” grow some dick back while you’re at it!
---J.R. Lascek
