DISCLAIMER:
Unless my name is James Cameron or Charles Eglee, I
don¡¯t own Dark Angel. And well, my
name¡¯s Izzy.
Therefore, through simple logic, I don¡¯t own it.
A/N:
Written quite late at night/early in the morning. Bear with me. Thanks for all the reviews. It¡¯s helped push me to write and finish
this chapter tonight.
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Alec looked helplessly at a
sobbing Max. In all the years that
he had known her, she had always remained so strong and in control. There were moments when she cried, but
she never, ever broke down as completely as she was now. And he wished more than ever that she
remembered him so that he could, at least, claim his right as her confidant and
friend. But he knew she was
completely lost to him at the moment.
He swallowed painfully at the possibility that she may yet be completely
lost to him forever.
That he would forever remain
Ben in her eyes.
He didn¡¯t think he could live
with that.
Max lifted her tear-streaked
face to his. She looked so
distraught. Like someone who had
just lost her faith in something she had so desperately believed in. He wanted to reach out and engulf her in
a hug—if only for comfort and nothing else. He was about to make a move to touch
her, when her eyes begin to clear, her tears drying up.
¡°I know you,¡± she
whispered. He saw her full lips,
slightly chapped and dry, form an uncertain smile.
He didn¡¯t know how to react
to that. How could he, when she had
claimed to know him all along? He
cocked his eyebrow at her, willing her to continue with her train of thought.
¡°I know what your smile looks
like,¡± she continued hesitantly, ¡°And how you look at me with those eyes when
you¡¯re angry at me.¡±
Alec couldn¡¯t breathe for a
second, his heart was aching that much.
He was torn between elation and agony. Was he Alec or Ben in her eyes? He didn¡¯t want to hear the answer. ¡°Max,¡± he said,
his voice cautious.
But she raised her hand at
him, in that way that she always did when she wanted him to shut-up. He couldn¡¯t help but smile at that. She would always be bossy. It was just who she was, and at this
very moment, when he was afraid he had lost her, it was a relief to find
something that he recognized about this woman that he loved.
¡°You¡¯re special to me. I can feel it.¡± She said this, her eyes peering intently
at him. They were studying him, as
if she were trying to see how he fit into the jigsaw puzzle of her broken
memories.
Alec smiled wider at
her. He couldn¡¯t help it. There was still sadness lingering in his
heart, but he accepted that. He was
just glad to see a semblance of the old Max in her gaze and actions. ¡°Yeah? What makes you say that?¡± he asked in a
light drawl, trying hard to conceal his trepidation over what her answer may be.
It seemed Max noticed his
unease because she smiled wryly at him and said, ¡°Because I have this funny
urge to hit you upside the head and call you names.¡±
Alec couldn¡¯t help but toss a
look heavenward and chuckle softly.
It was both a release of his anxiety and a real appreciation for the
small smile that had touched her lips.
It was comfort and he took it, even in small doses.
Suddenly, her face lit up in
recognition. ¡°Alec?¡±
His heart skipped a
beat. What did she say? He
dropped his gaze back to her, searching his eyes. ¡°Max, what did you say?¡± he asked
softly, his eyes scanning her face and eyes.
¡°Alec.¡± she whispered
again. Her voice was stronger and
more certain, her eyes clear as they stared straight
at him.
Relief crashed into him. He tried to smile but the expression
kept breaking. He laughed
instead. He was just happy. It was that simple. ¡°Yeah, Max. It¡¯s me.¡±
¡°What¡¯s the matter with you?¡±
she asked, her face twisting into that little frown that he was always at the
receiving end of. It was one of her
concerned-annoyed frowns. He had
missed it so much. To see her lying
lifelessly for months, then to witness her breakdown over Ben¡¦it was wonderful
to just see that endearing little frown again.
¡°It¡¯s just that it¡¯s you,
Max. It¡¯s you. And it¡¯s
She narrowed her eyes
suspiciously at him. ¡°Are you all
right, Alec? Did you hit your head
or something?¡±
¡°Yeah. Or something.¡± He replied. ¡°I¡¯m just glad that you¡¯re okay now,
Max.¡±
At that statement, a dark
shadow seemed to pass over her features.
¡°Alec, how long have you been here?¡± she asked,
her voice small and strained. She
self-consciously raised her hand to wipe away the tears from her face.
He suddenly noticed that she
had gotten very pale. All
throughout their banter, he realized her voice had been tired. He had ignored it, simply relieved that
she finally recognized him; that she was finally acting like herself again.
¡°A while, Max.¡± he replied
cautiously, understanding her concern.
¡°And yeah¡¦I saw you crying.¡±
He wasn¡¯t going to tell her about being Ben. She didn¡¯t seem to know, and he didn¡¯t
want to throw painful accusations that would only rouse even more painful
memories.
¡°It¡¯s just that, I was¡¦¡± she
struggled to find the words. ¡°¡¦remembering¡¦¡±
Alec saw her struggled with
her explanation. He laid a hand on
her arm and shook his head gently.
¡°You don¡¯t have to explain.
You¡¯re all right now.¡±
But suddenly, she slumped
back down heavily onto her pillows.
¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever be all right again,¡± she whispered. Her eyes, that only
moments ago had shone with clarity and recognition, immediately clouded
over again. Dulled
and almost lifeless.
He leaned over her, his heart
racing in panic. He was losing her
again! ¡°Max,¡± he whispered
urgently, leaning over her. She
raised tired eyes at him and smiled sadly.
He smiled reassuringly at her.
¡°Maxie,
it¡¯s gonna be okay,¡± he promised. Not caring what she thought of it, he
grabbed her hand and held it.
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Max looked at the man, no Alec, standing by her bedside. He had gone completely still, even his
breathing had stopped.
¡°Max, what did you say?¡± he
asked. She could hear a trace of
disbelief in his voice.
¡°Alec.¡± she said
clearly. She stared at his
golden-green eyes, wondering how she could ever have forgotten him.
He was wearing a strange
expression on his face. His smile
kept breaking. There was a look of
wonder in his eyes as he tried to figure out his emotions. He was like a guy who had been looking
desperately for someone for so long, only to stumble into that person
accidentally one day.
Then he laughed. ¡°Yeah, Max. It¡¯s me.¡±
Max thought it was the most
beautiful sound she¡¯d ever heard.
It was just happy. It was
crazy and unpredictable. But when had
Alec ever been predictable?
She frowned slightly at
him. Somehow, even with her
shattered memories, she knew the answer instinctively. Alec was never boring. Unpredictable, but
never boring. She also knew
that every time he was being unpredictable, she would frown this way at
him. An
instinctive reaction.
¡°What¡¯s the matter with you?¡±
she asked automatically.
¡°It¡¯s just that it¡¯s you,
Max. It¡¯s you. And it¡¯s
At that thought she looked
suspiciously at him. Her instincts
knew him. Her heart said he was
important to her. But who was he to her? ¡°Are you all right, Alec?¡± she
asked. ¡°Did you hit your head or
something?¡±
¡°Yeah. Or something.¡± He replied. ¡°I¡¯m just glad that you¡¯re okay now,
Max.¡±
Okay now¡¦
And
suddenly, all the warmth that had sustained her seeped away. His words
brought a sudden chill as a memory flashed across her mind. A man with a beautiful
face and hazel-green eyes. Ben. She glanced up at Alec.
And it hit her like a
sledgehammer. Alec looked like
Ben. They were identical.
¡°Alec, how long have you been
here?¡± she asked, at the same time realizing there were still tears on her
face. She wiped them away with
shaking fingers. Had he seen her
cry over his twin? Had he known how
she had felt about Ben? Had she
mistaken him for his twin?
¡°A while, Max.¡± he
replied. ¡°And yeah¡¦I saw you
crying.¡±
Because I killed Ben. She
looked at him, uncertain. Darkness
was filling her heart again. ¡°It¡¯s
just that¡¦I was remembering¡¦¡± she couldn¡¯t find the words to express her
memory.
Of what it was like to feel
Ben¡¯s bones snap under the pressure of her hand. Of how that snap had reverberated
through her and had broken her heart as well. She saw Ben¡¯s terrified, pleading eyes
staring up at her.
Don¡¯t leave me here. Don¡¯t let them take me.
Snap!
The light had died in those
eyes. The darkness had taken
him. She had let him down.
The memory crept up on her. Breathing became difficult as that
familiar darkness of fear closed in on her. A warm hand enclosed her wrist, and it
held the darkness at bay. She
looked up at Alec, and almost flinched.
It hurt so much to see his face.
But the expression in his eyes were different. She focused on the golden-green orbs that
were looking at her with concern and affection. ¡°You don¡¯t have to explain. You¡¯re all right now.¡±
Will I?
Will I ever get be free of the darkness inside of me?
¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever be
all right again,¡± she whispered.
She was exhausted, she realized, her body was cold and heavy. She fell back against her pillows. Alec leaned over her, his eyes worried.
¡°Max,¡± he whispered urgently.
¡°Maxie, it¡¯s gonna be
okay,¡± he promised. He took her
hand in his and squeezed it gently.
His hand was warm and but it wasn¡¯t enough.
She squeezed his hand
gently. ¡°I don¡¯t know, Alec,¡± she
said. Then she turned her head to
face away from him. She stared dully at the far wall of her hospital room. ¡°I don¡¯t remember so many things,¡± she
admitted.
¡°Max, you¡¯ll get there. It¡¯s all right.¡±
¡°No. Because¡¦¡± her voice broke, caught in a
sob. ¡°Because, the worst part is, I don¡¯t
want to remember anymore.¡±
Alec grabbed a hold of her
face with both hands. He was
holding her very gently, forcing her to look him in the eyes. There was a stricken look in the green
depths of his eyes. ¡°Max, you don¡¯t
mean that!¡± he cried.
But she did. ¡°I don¡¯t want to remember who I am
anymore, Alec. Everything I
remember about me¡¦¡± she paused, unable to explain to him. She shook her head and the tears
fell. ¡°What kind of person am I?¡±
Don¡¯t you see, 452? You¡¯re poison.
Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you¡¯ll fight them.
X5-599 I¡¯ve got a heart for you.
Bang!
Don¡¯t leave me.
Don¡¯t let them take me.
Snap!
Max, I don¡¯t mind if no one else ever saw me. I just wanted to be seen by you.
Brain?
You¡¯re poison.
You destroy everyone that you love.
You¡¯ll have nothing left.
The memories pressed in and
crowded into her mind. They
suffocated her. They tightened like
a vice around her heart. And she
knew. She knew without a doubt.
Ben was gone. Zack had given his heart for her. Brain had died for her. She would never see Tinga
again. She had sent Jace away.
O.C. had finally left her
side.
Sketchy had been caught in
the crossfire.
Bullet. Bugler.
Mack. Jace. Zahn. David. Em. Fixit¡¦hundreds of others.
Gone.
Because of
her.
You¡¯ll have nothing left.
Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you¡¯ll fight them.
¡°I can¡¯t anymore¡¦I¡¯m just so
tired¡¦¡±
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¡°Maxie,
it¡¯s gonna be okay,¡± he promised. Not caring what she thought of it, he
grabbed her hand and held it. He
felt her squeeze his hand gently.
Alec could feel her weariness.
He tried to will some of his own strength into her, even though he knew
it was futile.
¡°I don¡¯t know, Alec,¡± she
said. Then she turned her head to
face away from him, hiding away from him. ¡°I don¡¯t remember so many things,¡±
she admitted, her voice hesitant.
¡°Max, you¡¯ll get there. It¡¯s all right.¡± Alec tried to reassure her. She still wouldn¡¯t look at him. She was already trying to pull away from
him.
¡°No. Because¡¦¡± her voice broke, caught in a
sob. ¡°Because, the worst part is, I don¡¯t
want to remember anymore.¡±
Alec stared at her
incredulously, stunned at her admission.
He shook his head and cupping her face in his warm hands he forced her
to look him in the eyes. ¡°Max, you don¡¯t
mean that!¡±
Her eyes, brimming with
tears, stared helplessly back at him. ¡°I don¡¯t want to remember
who I am anymore, Alec. Everything
I remember about me¡¦¡± she paused, struggling with her words. Finally, she just shook her head and let
the tears fell. ¡°What kind of
person am I?¡±
Her tears were hot, falling
over his thumbs as they caressed her cheeks. Alec just shook his head, unable and unwilling
to understand why she was being so stubborn. He stared in horror at the look in her
eyes. Her face froze into a mask of
hopelessness. Of
desolation. And of utter darkness.
¡°I can¡¯t anymore¡¦I¡¯m just so tired¡¦¡± she murmured as if in a trance.
Alec shook her slightly, as
if waking her from a nightmare. Her
eyes focused on his again, even bleaker than before. She pulled his hands away from her face. She stared at him, her dark brown eyes
tiredly begging him to understand.
¡°I¡¯m just so tired, Alec.¡±
she whispered brokenly. ¡°Tired of running, and fighting. Tired of trying so hard¡¦¡±
Alec clutched her hands. They were so cold. Her voice was getting smaller, too.
¡°¡¦tired of losing. I¡¯m just
so tired¡¦I¡¯m so sorry.¡± she finished
in the barest of whispers. Before her eyes fell close.
Suddenly, all the monitors
beeped as she flatlined. Alec glanced frantically at the machine
then back down at Max. Her head had
turned to the side, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted. Her tears were still warm on her face.
¡°NOOOO!¡± he screamed.
¡°MAX! No! You come back to me, NOW! Dammit! Max! You can¡¯t do this to me!¡±
The beep continued. Sharp. Incessant.
He grabbed the front of her
hospital gown as he leaned closer to her.
¡°No, Max! Please¡¦¡± he begged. ¡°Please¡¦wake up.¡±
Beeeep.
¡°Don¡¯t leave me,¡± he
sobbed. ¡°Max, don¡¯t leave me¡¦¡±
Beeeep.
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