Gary Lineker Yes, Mr No More Mr Nice Guy, Captain Courageous, all round good bloke, Mr. Gary Winston (after Winston Churchill because they share the same birthday and no, they were not born in the same year!) Lineker, OBE. That guy is so fit, that I can't even look at a Walker's crisp packet without going all starry-eyed!

Marital status: married to Michelle (older sister of Ali Cockayne, that bird who used to go out with Will Carling, who happens to be Gary Lineker's best mate, but I'm not sure if they are mates now, considering how Will dumped Ali) and has four kids; George, Harry, Tobias (Toby for short, ugh, yuck!) and Angus (double yuck!).

Date of Birth: November 31^st 1960

Gary Lineker with his wife, Michelle (boo-hoo!), and his two eldest kids, George (on Michelle's lap) and Harry (on Gary's lap).



Gary & Michelle Lineker's autograph (a little treat for all you lucky people!)

 

Ian Walker: Son of Mike Walker, manager of Norwich City, Ian 'captured' my heart when I saw him pose NAKED in a magazine. FWOOOOARGH! And his football isn't that bad either. That is if you don't count the 6-1 Coca-Cola Cup defeat against BOLTON WANDERERS who were in the First Division at the time (argh!), the 6-1 HOME DEFEAT recently against our West London rivals Chelsea (double argh!), the 7-1 defeat against Newcastle (triple argh!), the 4-0 away defeat against Liverpool (well, his mother Jacky had just died a few days before) and the 4-1 away defeat against Aston Villa when Ian dropped the ball in front of Mark Draper (super dooper argh!). Oh, and his middle name is Michael. Coo-el!

Marital status: married to Suzy 'I married Ian because of the nice money' Walker (Notice the bitterness there, my friends!), and has one daughter, Sophie.

Date of Birth: October 30^th 1971

David James: Yes, I hate to admit, I'm a 'Calamity Gal'. Needs to grow a bit more hair in this photo below, though. The skinhead does not suit him at all. David, buddy, Short Back and Sides! His middle name is Benjamin (It's all about the Benjamins!)

Marital status: married with three kiddies (worst luck).

Date of Birth: August 1^st 1970

HRH Prince William: My, my, hasn't he grown! The, reported, six foot one-and-a-half prince has set girls' hearts a-thumping all around the world, not that I fancy him. I admit he is attractive/handsome, but he's not my cup of tea. I mean, he shoots stag 'for fun'. Yeah, right!

Marital status: single (I think, you never know with him)

Date of Birth: June 21^st 1982

Prince William (On the left of the three)

David Ginola: Need I say more?

Marital status: married to Coraline and has two lovely kids. His son is called Andrea (weird or what!)

Date of Birth: January 25^th 1967

WARNING - David is a smoker (boo-hoo!)

Michael Portillo
Peter Beardsley: STRANGE BUT HORROFYINGLY TRUE: Peter is married with children!
Matt Le Tissier: How can this bloke pull a nineteen-year-old girl? 'Twas the money, Matt!
Robbie Fowler
Harry Redknapp: This guy is the father of Jamie Redknapp? O-kay, then!
Spider from Coronation Street: Bloody hell, now this is an ugly bloke to end all ugly blokes
Martin Keown
Phil Neville: What happened there, I mean, his brother, Gary, isn't so bad.
Brad Pitt
Robbie from Eastenders: Why Sarah Hills decided to bonk Robbie when she was engaged to Joe Wicks, I just don't know, maybe her 'Born Again Christianity' clouded her judgement
Isaac Hanson: Bloody hell, talk about Horse-Power! Proof that family inbreeding should not be messed with!
Tony Adams: Very fitting that his nickname is 'Donkey'
Goldie: At least his music is attractive
Trickie: Ditto
That really ugly no-teeth-mama-jamma bloke from Echo and the Bunnymen
Whole of Ocean Colour Scene, down to the last roadie
Gianfranco Zola: Disproves the theory that all Italian football players have good looks to match their good football skills (Sorry, Franco!)
Ian Brown: # I'll see you in my star… # NOT!
Gareth Southgate: Looks like he DIDN'T miss the post, judging by his looks. But to be fair, he is a nice sweet guy that, like Graeme Le Saux or Gianfranco Zola, isn't that stereotypical kind of average footballer
'Spud' out of 'Transpotting': Sweet, but still ugly
Boyzone, excluding Ronan and that other one who did that solo for Disney's Hercules movie
Shane McGowan: Self explanitory

David Seaman: Please? We beg of you!
David Ginola: Also needs 'Just for Men'.
Karel Poborsky: Just shave it all off, mate.
Patrik Berger: He wears an Alice-band, for God's sake!
Ian Walker: It's getting a touch too long, Walks! Also, doncha think you'd better change your hairstyle, you've had a lot of criticism for your floppish haircut.
David Beckham: Dave, what were the highlights all about, then? Posh Spice been giving you some hair advice, then?
Luis Hernandez: ?
Carlos Alberto Valderrama: His nickname isn't 'Ronald McDonald' for nothing!

The Spice Girls: Especially 'Posh', which I use the term as loosely as Spurs' hopes on winning the Championship. (Can't sing, can't dance and she just points and pouts all the time irritatingly. What's the matter, love, can't think of anything else to do? Nah, you haven't got the brainpower to anyway!)
Loyd Grossman: "Who lives in a house like this?" We don't give a toss "Who lives in a house like this", okay mate? Oh, and just because you were on L&K Friday, it doesn't mean that the kids love you, you've still got no street cred.
Masterchef: This is because Loyd Grossman presents it and because they make such the snootiest food on earth on that show with the snootiest people making the food. The day someone makes Fish and Chips on that show is when Hell freezes over and Manchester United are playing in the Vauxhall Conference League
Countdown
People who kept asking me "How well do I think I have done in my RS GCSE?": Think about it for a minute, if I knew how well I have done, then I could answer to the world's problems, poverty, famine, overpopulation. I DON'T KNOW, OKAY! Jeez. (By the way, I got a 'B' grade, if you're wondering!)
The Conservative Party
Racism, Sexism, prejudices
Terry Wogan: Please, just die and leave us alone. I don't think I can stand another Eurovision Song Contest with him as the commentator. Also, he looks ridiculous with that rug or ferret on his head. Per-lease, someone pull it off on air! We all need a good laugh!
Last of the Summer Wine: Self-explanatory.
Antique Roadshow: Especially the children's version. Those flipping posh kids saying 'yah' and 'golly gosh' all the time. They just want to get richer with 'Grandpa's heirloom' or some crap like that. The show's taking up valuable air space.
Classical Music: okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh, that tune for Italia '90 was okay (Nessan Dorma), oh, and Ode To Joy, which was the BBC's theme for Euro '96 was good.
Gaby Roslin: The female version of Terry Wogan, if that is possible, without a wig but with very dark roots.
Country and Western Music: 'Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz..' NO, YOU BITCH!
Exams in general: I hate exams, especially because I always have to do them on my birthday. Also, I had to miss the first half of the England-Tunisia game in the World Cup due to a Chemistry exam. ARGH! Plus, I know some people who do FA during the whole of the year, while I work reasonably hard during the year, and when it comes to exams, they breeze through while I get not-so-good grades. All exams do is see how good you can remember stuff in a modified time limit...I say scrap exams altogether and have a system where you are assessed for the whole two years on specific topics, marked on how well you do coursework or research on those topics and then make an overall assessment for the grade.

Posh Spice: Self-explanatory or see above. Also has turned David Beckham into a big head and told David that he looked okay in a sarong, which he didn't.
Ginger Spice: Please, give that stupid 'Girl Power' a rest! (TECHNICALLY, GERI IS NO LONGER A SPICE GIRL BECAUSE SHE SAW THE LIGHT AND JUMPED A SINKING SHIP)
Baby Spice: She fell over those ridiculous platform shoes in Turkey, and she still wears them! Also, that 'Look at me, I'm so adorable!' act is so annoying.
Scary Spice: Okay, I suppose, except that she can't keep that gob shut. And she shouts too much when all she needs to do is talk. I wonder if she can comb her hair…. my mate, Roxie, hates her because she 'pushed' Geri out of the group.
Sporty Spice: Appreciates football as it should be appreciated, not because a team has some talented totty. Also, she is the only Shite Girl to actually act as herself, she wears Adidas, which isn't too bad in my book AND she wore a Space T-shirt on TFI Friday.