Comments, criticisms (and anything else that may go throught your head) are welcome at [email protected] . If this piece has bored you to death or made you cringe please tell me or I will do it again...

Beware, this fic is dark. It’s a sort of companion piece to “I saw”

ROTTEN APPLE
By CalR

You know, they were going to rape me..

I didn’t have any choice.

They were going to probe deep inside me, highlighting each dark corners of my mind.

So that’s why I didn’t resist.

Had I tried to fight back, they would have guessed something was wrong. And they would have searched.

And found. And destroyed.

And I couldn’t stand that. I couldn’t stand the mere idea of that possibility.

That’s why I submitted. Letting the dark wave engulf me, bashing all my barriers, raping my mind, tainting my memories, destroying my self, in hope they would forget that tiny kernel of consciouness.

Dying was a so much better fate. In fact, in the fraction of second I realised what I was, I aimed for Garibaldi’s ppg. No to kill her, but to kill myself.

Everything happened so fast, you know?

And so slowly at the same time.

Mind has no limits, and I used it the better I could. Memorising your face, your eyes, your love, yourself.

Hoping, in doing this, to erase every other thoughts, every other secrets I involuntary heard or seen during my stay on the station. Shadows, Rangers, Clark, Santiago’s death... your being telepath.

To protect the station.

To protect you.

I knew they would laught at you, at your weakness.

But I’ve selled out your love and memories of you to hide your secrets. That’s what you would have done in my place.

It backfired on me, you know?

I was like a worm in an apple.

I was told to watch over the command staff of the station, to spy you. I kwow, the word is obnoxious and they didn’t say it like that, but that’s what they meant.

I only wanted to do what I was told, prostituing my mind. To rotten a little the apple that Babylon 5 was. Little I did know about my dark self, and I found me throwing myself at you. And again. And again.

And again.

I didn’t meant to be attracted by you. I didn’t meant to be involved with you. I didn’t meant to...

I love you, you know?

That’s why I taunted you.

That’s why I hurt you.

Trying to squash the hope I’ve seen glinting in your eyes.

I didn’t want you to know what happened to me. You have suffered too much.

I didn’t want you keep hoping. To keep hurting over me. As a mind prostitute, I’m not worth of it.

I would do better with you thinking me dead. By killing your hope, I’ve destroyed all possibility of redemption.

And that’s kind of your fault, you know?

If I was still the woman who walked in C&C two years ago, I would have fought. I would have done everything to protect our love. I would have escaped, I would have asked your help.

But you wouldn’t have loved that woman.

You taught me to see the greater picture. How to sacrifice yourself to save another.

A old novel told the story about the difference between a human and an animal.

An animal which is trapped would do everything to escape, including mutilating itself in order to save its life. A human would feign death in order to surprise the hunter and destroy this threat to his race.

I am a rotten apple. And I will rot all the Psi Corp basket.

I will destroy the Corp. From the inside. To keep them from threatening you again.

That’s why abandoned you.

End

This came from an idea: Don’t you think that Dark Talia was a little too aggressive toward Susan? Why did she do that? to hurt Susan? Or to show her Talia wasn’t ‘in there ‘ anymore?

And if it is the latter, why did she want to show that the real Talia was dead?

The story about the man and the animal is badly translated from Frank Herbert’s “Dune”