Chapter One

"We have to what?!"

"Buffy, I know that you don't particularly enjoy Spike's company, but this is the only way to stop the demon. I'm sorry." Willow slowly edged away from her fuming friend, trying to find something blunt and heavy to protect herself with.

The blond slayer fumed. "I am NOT marrying that--thing. I don't care if he is neutered."

"Watch your mouth, pet. Wouldn't want that little tongue of yours to go missing," the bleach-blond vampire growled from his dark corner of the room.

Buffy smirked. "You're not going to verbally abuse me again are you?"

Spike grumbled something about "bloody bint" and "ripping her throat out".

"I'm afraid Willow is right," Giles pointed out, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "The demon is attracted to marriage ceremonies. It is theorized that it likes all the outpouring of emotions. If two warriors were to wed, it would be our best chance of stopping it."

"Well, why doesn't Spike marry Angel, then?" Buffy asked. She was momentarily sidetracked by the images of the two vampires on their honeymoon racing through her mind. Slapping herself internally, she contintued. "We'd have a wedding, plus I wouldn't have to look like a cream puff."

"Of all the bloody..." Spike ground out. "The Tazigap demon is attracted to the images that the bride-to-be has running through her mind about shagging her new hubby."

"I am NOT marrying Spike! Weddings end with kisses, which means lips of Spike. No."

Spike chuckled. "Funny, pet, last time we were engaged you didn't seem to mind so much."

"Who're you marrying, Spike?" Riley asked as he walked into the room. "It's not Buffy again, is it?"

"'Fraid so, Soldier Boy. If she'll have me." He grinned evilly. "Your bird isn't as interested as last time, though, woe is me." Spike pretended to pout, his eyes glittering in a fashion that could only be described as evil.

The ex-commando looked from Buffy to Spike. "Tell me he's not serious."

"Um... see, there's this taxi cab--"

"Tazigap."

"Right. Tazigap demon on the loose, and it's attracted to weddings, so we figure the best way to kill it is to get... married?" Buffy inhaled, then let out a flood of words. "But we can get it annulled as soon as the demon is dead and you know I would never really want to marry Spike if there weren't magic or some other big bad attached to it and come on, Riley, don't look at me like that, you know I love you..." She spent the next few minutes trying to regain control over her erratic breating.

"I don't like it." Riley shook his head vigorously, trying his best to scowl.

Giles cleared his throat. "The Tazigap demon, after being brought forth into this terrestrial dimension, gains power quickly. Soon it is able to drain a mortal's life-essence by merely looking at them."

"So it likes blood. That it?"

"No." Spike shook his head. "It likes souls."

"Well, Spike, you're marrying my girlfriend in two days," Riley stated after an hour-long chat with Buffy. "Treat her well, or I'll kick your ass back to England."

"I'd like to see you try."

Riley's retort was cut off by the sound of someone clearing their throat. "I hate to break up all this male posturing, but I need to patrol now. Would either of you Neanderthals like to join me?"

"Sure," Riley said, walking over to the weapons chest.

Spike grunted, screwing up his face into his best caveman impression. "Ugh. Spike go with wo-man. Kill big demon. Ugh. Where Spike club?"

Buffy found it very difficult to keep a straight face as she handed Spike a deadly-thin wooden stake and a dagger. "Come on, Spikey. You, me, and Riley are gonna go kill some baddies."

Spike merely grunted in reply, swinging his arms as he walked with his shoulders hunched and his face still distorted.

The next afternoon, Buffy waltzed into Spike's crypt, brandishing her mother's credit card. "Come on, fiancee of mine, we're going shopping."

Spike groaned and rolled over on his sarcophagus. "Bloody hell, Slayer, what time is it?"

"Three, and time's a-waistin'!" she exclaimed. "We have to get me a dress, you a tux, then order our catering and reception music."

The blond vampire stood, allowing the sheet to fall away. As he stretched, he noticed Buffy's face had suddenly become beet-red and she was staring at him. "What is it, luv?" he asked.

"You--that is, you're--put some clothes on!" She had difficulty tearing her eyes away from his near-perfect physique, her heartbeat quickening. A flood of wetness soaked her panties when she recalled just how beautiful his body was. The strong, muscular legs, washboard abs, and bulging biceps hadn't neglected to draw her attention. Neither had the large, limp penis which lay nestled in a bed of dark, curling hair. The sound of a zipper brought her back to reality.

"You can turn around now, pet. I'm decent," he said. She could practically hear him smirking.

Buffy turned slowly to face him, sighing (in relief or disappointment?) when she saw that he was indeed fully-clothed and in the process of slicking back his stark white locks. He finished flattening his coif and hopped up onto the cold cement slab that five minutes ago he had been sleeping on and began to pull his boots on. Even his feet are perfect, Buffy decided, somewhat surprised to see that the toenails were unpainted.

He finished tying his bootlaces and stood, walking over to his mini-refrigerator and pulling out a bag of blood and a bottle of water. The water he tossed to the Slayer, then allowed his human mask to fall away, tearing into the bloodbag with his fangs. The mask dropped back over his demonic visage as he quickly drained the plastic baggie, tossing it into the trash can and pulling out a toothbrush. This sent Buffy into a fit of giggles.

Spike arched his scarred eyebrow at her as he applied minty gel to the brush. "Blood breath isn't exactly pleasant, Slayer," he said as the sound of shifting bone filled the crypt once again. He brushed his fangs, then dropped his human mask into place once again. After he was satisfied with the mintiness of his mouth, he stuck his toothbrush back into the cup he had plucked it from, grabbed his duster from the chair he had tossed it over, and dropped down into the lower level of the crypt. His voice carried up through the cement structure to Buffy. "Coming or not, luv?"

Buffy crept silently to the hole in the crypt floor he had leapt down. "Slayer?" he asked again. She dropped down next to him, causing him to jump.

"How're my scare tactics, Fangboy?" she asked, grinning.

"Where'd you learn to be so quiet?" he asked, incredulous.

"I'll never tell."

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R to NC-17