Vitamin
C is annoying.
Moreover, her CD is annoying, and I decided that before I'd even put the CD in my hard drive. I mean, just look at the cover of her album. It's all red and orangy and streaky. She's not wearing a top. That's annoying. She's got all this black eyeliner under her eyes. That's annoying. The lighting makes all these warm-colored hues appear along her naked back. That's annoying... and stupid. She seriously looks scary. It's not cool. So far I hate this CD already and it's just because of the photography.
Allow me to explain something here. I've seen Vitamin C on MTV. I've seen Vitamin C on The Daily Show. I know for a fact that she is not old and creepy looking, and I just can't understand why a publicist looked at these pictures and actually chose them. "Hey, for the inside of the case, under the CD, let's get the one with the ugly black and yellow solar flare background where her hair is all Medusa-y and she's grabbing on to her hip and her legs look abnormally long and stick-like!"
No, let's not.
Upon opening the CD booklet and unfolding it, I discovered that there's an extended, reversed version of the cover shot. Fuck. Now I have to scan this for y'all 'cause it's just so trashy and scary and... and... orange. Okay. Enough about her looks and the scary CD cover. What matters here is the music, people.
Oh.
The CD's enhanced. It's got the music video for "The Itch" on it. How nice.
I could write a whole review based solely on this video, but I'm not going
to. Here are a few of my thoughts during it, though:
- Kirsten Dunst looks old. She should
yell mean things at the person who did her hair that way.
- I don't understand the sparkles.
- Vitamin C should wear blue more
often.
- The cinematography is so much
better than the plotline. (What plotline?)
- Too much brown.
- Hey, it's the little annoying
girl from That 70's Show!
On with the CD. From the amount of blathering I've done above, you should have picked up on the fact that I was not looking forward to listening to this piece of... um... art.
The Itch: I like it. I liked
it when I first heard it in October, and I like it now.
Sex Has Come Between Us:
You were my best friend
been through so much together
and you have seen me
in both good and bad weather
No, I'm not kidding. Those really
are the lyrics. Kill me.
That was Then, This is Now:
Despite the cliche title, This one's actually not that bad. Not spectacular,
but listenable. There's an actual guitar on this track.
Dangerous Girl: "You are
my hip-hopper/you were my beat stopper" and "you are my eye candy/you are
my phat daddy." Do I need to say any more? Please don't make me.
She Talks About Love: Bland.
I Know What Boys Like: I
have a thing about cover songs. If they're not better (or remarkably different)
then they shouldn't have been touched. This pisses me off, Ms. Fitzpatrick.
Busted: You know that voice-synthesizer
thing that Britney Spears uses to disguise her voice? The choruses of this
song are done COMPLETELY IN SYNTHESIZER. Bad idea. She sounds like the
soundtrack to Super Mario 2.
Special: Yeah. This song
is "special." Special Olympics special.
Where's the Party: ...it's
in my pants and everyone's invited! I'm sorry, but that was just begging
to be said. At twelve seconds into this track, I went from sitting up straight,
listening to the song, and reading the Wall of Sound review of Spice
World to rolling my eyes with my head in my hands. Twelve seconds in
and I already hate it.
You know what? Why bother? There are only three more tracks left after this. I've hated almost everything so far except for "The Itch," so there's nothing that will redeem More. It's completely bland, flat, and un-catchy. I'm not even going to listen to "I Can't Say No." It probably sucks anyway.
I give up on this CD.
