1.
Introduction: Come to the Party
It's Aaron and some kid talking
about a party at Aaron's house. Aaron needs to learn how to act.
2. Aaron's
Party (Come Get It)
Okay, I admit it. I've heard this
song before. I downloaded it, and it grew on me. Some parts are incredibly
childish. Did Aaron write these songs himself? Consulting the CD booklet,
no. If these songs were written by adults, those adults should be ashamed
of themselves, although I must admit that I just love the part where he's
talking about his parents coming home. "Grrrrrounded." It's so cute.
Interlude:
Candy Call
Is that Nick? That's Nick Carter.
He's so dreamy. *sigh*
Oh. Wait. Anyway... back to Aaron.
Some girl wants him to go to the movies with him and a bunch of other people.
Ahh, I remember back in 7th grade when group dating was cool and we all
just got together and hung out in a big bunch and then paired off in Jenni
Murray's basement to make out.
Well, I'll be damned if I'm not
reminicing. I guess I have Little Carter to thank for that.
Oh. The girl's name is Candy. That's
so corny. His voice is as high as hers is. And he says, "You want me to
come to the movies with you? I'm down."
People. He just said "I'm down."
That is so wrong.
3. I Want
Candy
It's a remake... and it doesn't
completely suck, either. Shock shock horror horror... white-boy-rapping
can sing! Better than his Backstreet brother even. Added bonus: cute harmonizing
in the chorus.
Interlude:
Big Brother
It's Nick phoning Aaron again. He's
all, "I hear the album's coming along pretty well. Call my cell when you
get this."
Oh, Nick. Two interludes in a row?
You're better than that.
Side note: Looking in the CD booklet,
I see that all the interludes were produced by Wade Robson. The same Wade
Robson who remixed Mandy Moore songs on her second album. The same Wade
Robson who's Britney and *NSYNC's choreographer, and like... Justin Timberlake's
little tagalong, and is now working with Nick Carter.
Wade Robson is like... Jive Records'
bitch.
4. Bounce
This song has too much noise. There's
like... some kind of siren in the background that would make me all paranoid
if I were listening to this in my car. I guess it's a good thing that I
plan to hide this CD somewhere in my room and never let it be seen by another
human being.
Interlude:
Yes!
Here's a transcript of this interlude.
I think it'll speak for itself.
(clicking noises)
Aaron: I hope she's online. I wanna
talk to her so bad.
(clicking typing noises)
(IM sound)
Aaron: Yes!
5. My Internet
Girl
Oh Lord. You're kidding me. Aaron
Carter joins *NSYNC and Britney in the "Artists on the Jive Label Who Milk
This Whole Internet Thing For All It's Worth" Club. This song is a step
down from "Digital Getdown" (which, in all honesty, I like a lot... and
technically it's about videophone sex, not cybersex, but whatever) and
a step up from "Email My Heart." "My Internet Girl" is totally about cybersex.
Oh shut up. I know he's 13, but
it's SO totally about cybersex. He's all "she's my best kept secret, hook
up online with that girl." And he yells "hoo-di-hoo!" It's so bad.
Interlude:
I Can See Her Voice
"All I think about all day is getting
home to my computer so I can see her voice."
Who with the what now? How is that
possible?
6. That's
How I Beat Shaq
Okay, I admit it. I've heard this
one, too. I saw him perform it when he was a guest on Regis and Kelly.
Aaron Carter is so cute during interviews,
it's almost intolerable. Kelly asked him a question about his famous brother
(you know... that Backstreet guy) and Aaron was all, "Who?" He was totally
flirting with Kelly, too. I guess it was cute... well, I mean... it was
as cute as a 13-year-old boy hitting on a woman who's six months pregnant
could have been.
Oh. And the song sucks. Aaron's
friends call him "A.C." Remember A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell? We
all thought he was so hot. Remember when Lisa accidentally killed his lizard
Artie? Lisa was a bitch. She got all pissed when Jessie made the cheerleading
skirts long. I kinda agreed with her there. Jessie was such a feminazi.
I wouldn't have put up with her for that long if I were Lisa or Kelly.
I wonder why she and Zack had been good friends for so long. Zack always
tried to wiretap their slumber parties, too, and that's kinda illegal,
isn't it? I thought so.
What the hell am I talking about
again?
Oh yeah. Aaron Carter... who was
probably in diapers when Saved by the Bell was on. Kids these days don't
know what they missed, I tell ya. Anyway. Back to the poprap.
Interlude:
Let's Go
It's one second long. It took me
longer to type the word "interlude" than it did for me to listen to the
interlude. And I type fast. That's messed up.
7. The Clapping
Song
I laughed out loud when I saw this
title. "The Clapping Song." Hahahaha.
Ooh. Aaron got edgy. We get mentions
of alcohol, death, nicotine, and violence.
You really have to hear this song
to believe it. It encourages synchronized hand movements, and we get this
great line:
"Slap your thigh and watch the fun
materialize."
Maybe it's the bottle of guarana
and the mocha frappuccino talking, but that's fucking hilarious.
Interlude:
Snappy Burger
I... don't... get... it. He wants
a cheeseburger without the cheese, and then she's all, "so that's nuggets
and an orange soda?" and then he's all "let me speak to the supervisor"
and she's all "I am the supervisor" and then he's like "I wasn't hungry
anyway" and drives away on his speedboat (well, that's what it sounds like.)
That was just awkward and not funny
at all.
8. Iko Iko
I so tried to hate this song, but
I just can't. It's a remake of some song that I never really learned, but
I like it.
Interlude:
Teacher
Okay, this one was actually a little
bit funny. Aaron tries to prank call some girl's mom, and his mom basically
shoots him down like, "You suck at making prank calls and you're wasting
my time, you little dildo."
Of course she doesn't say that...
but you can totally hear it in her voice.
9. Real
Good Time
The beginning of this song sounds
like Britney's Pepsi commercial. Don't ask. That's just what I thought.
Interlude:
Lunch at the Studio
Well, that was dumb. Some guy is
buying donuts and wants to know what kind. Aaron tells him, then says "peace
out."
10. Tell
Me What You Want
I just now realized what it is I'm
liking about this album. Every single song sounds like a TV jingle. I'm
sitting here singing along to this tune with a theme song from the mid-eightes
"You take the good/ you take the bad/ you take them both and there you
have/ the facts of life, the facts of life."
Interlude:
Stuffed!
What the hell. Why is this here?
I'm annoyed by the fact that I have to comment on something that is six
seconds long and consists only of Aaron and Wade talking about how full
they are.
11. Girl
You Shine
This one must have been recorded
like... a long time ago. He sings, and his voice is higher than anything
else on the album. Checking the CD booklet, I find it was recorded at TransContinental
studios. I just... I don't understand that. Aaron's mom is his manager.
WHY would she have something done at Transcon when it's owned by the same
fat old guy who gets 1/6th of everything that Backstreet makes? Lou Pearlman
is practically stealing from her older son, and she's all like, "Here,
Lou! Have some of my younger son!"
I'm not even going to get into the
fact that Aaron's also managed by Johnny Wright. I like Johnny. Johnny
manages *NSYNC and Britney, but he also apparently scammed Backstreet a
little bit, too. The pop music industry is just so corrupt that I can't
even wrap my brain around it. Ugh! Screw this. I'm recapping the last interlude,
and then I'm done.
Interlude:
Big Bad 'Shine-y' Beat Box
Wow. That sucked. That is the worst
beatboxing I've ever heard. |
