Author: Alexis
Fear and Loathing at Bath University
Apologies to Dr. Hunter S. Thompson for this one. Still, it was a fun trip. To an extent, thinking back. Bah. And pretty much all of this is true, it's the closest you'll get to looking inside my head. Poor you.
Chapter 1: The Deal
My story begins on a Sunday. Sheila Ricards, our prospective new landlord, had decided to screw us over. She couldn't wait a few days for Gemma and Emma to see her house, so she let another group take it. We didn't like this. One bit.
We realised that we needed to start again, with the latest housing list. But, the problem is, that Bath University get it a full two weeks before us. This is because, to the rest of Bath, we are scum.
Bath's Scummy University College, they say.
So I had An Idea. Why should we wait? Why not get the latest list... FROM SOURCE? All it takes is a trip to Bath Uni. Not a problem. They don't know who goes there. I suggest it to Lucy and Kate, and they agree. It's decided.
Monday afternoon, I'm ready. Lucy goes off to her lecture, Tim goes to his, and I'm alone. It's the perfect time, really. I get ready to go.
Gotta check I've got all my stuff... GameBoy Advance? Check. Notepad? Check. MD Player? Check. Money? Check. Bus pass? Check. Coat? Check. Yeah, I'm sorted. I leave my block, to start my quest. The aim? A list of houses in Bath. Shouldn't be too difficult, I thought. Well, maybe I was wrong...
Chapter 2: On The Buses
It's a short walk to the bus stop. It goes past my ex girlfriend's room, so I decided to see if her curtains were open (Meaning she's got back). Nah, they're not. Move on.
I get to the main building, and wander through it to the bus stop. In the foyer, I can see the bus isn't there yet. I'm looking out the doorway when a friend of mine says hi. It's a woman called Amanda, I was in Organisational Behaviour with her last semester. We talk about subjects, she asks me why I'm never at the bar on Mondays and I tell her it's because I go to pick up Lucy from work. She hated the BS module, so did I. But it was only an elective to her, so no big deal really. She comments on my haircut, and I thank her and reply that one of my flatmates thinks I look like Darius from Pop Stars/Idol, but I've never watched it so can't comment. She says yeah, I do, and asks one of her friends what she thinks- her friend agrees. Eep.
By this time the bus has got there. I say goodbye and join the queue. Guy in front is a Chinese man with an umbrella. He turns around to me and says I can stand under it if I want, I reply I'm fine. It wasn't raining that badly.
On the bus is my friend Kev, from the (Short-lived and very small) RPG group. He's going into town to get some pictures him and his girlfriend took of her Farscape figures developed. We talk, about games and stuff. Lots of discussion of various console RPG's, FF8, Grandia, SO2, Tales of Phantasia, etc. He saw a copy of Darkstalkers 1 in Bristol, but couldn't afford to buy it... rats. Oh well.
It was a fun chat, but he had to get off at the bus station. That's halfway between the Unis, for those not living in Bath.
Chapter 3: The Journey Continues
We stopped at the bus station so the driver could get a drink. It took about three minutes for him to get back, and then he let the people at the bus stop on. There were a pair of girls who may well have been lesbians. Some other people. A very cute girl with a pink scarf. Still others. Eventually they were done getting on, and the bus pulled off. It went around Bath a bit more, up a hill, and, after about ten minutes, pulled into Bath University.
Chapter 4: It's Big
The first thing I notice as we drive into the complex is the huge sports hall. It's probably as big, if not bigger, than my housing block. But it gets bigger. The main complex is absolutely HUGE, and is built on the 2nd floor and goes upwards. It goes over a road and storage buildings, and has large buildings sticking off this central walkway. It's big.
Bus pulls into the stop. End of the line. The girls get off, I let them go first. I follow them up a set of steps (A big set, naturally), but they get sidetracked by a poster saying that Atomic Kitten may be playing at the end-of-year ball. I carry on, upwards, and reach the entrance to the place.
Chapter 5: Find an Office
There's a sign saying reception, so I follow that. I go around, past reception, laundry room, a caf�, Waterstones, a video rental shop, student shop, some kid selling crystals, and various offices. At the end of the corridor, though, is a sports hall. No housing lists there.
I turn around. Perhaps a native would know. There's a few standing around, but I pick a girl who looks like my flatmate Kat's sister. I go up to her and ask about the housing list- she says building 8 West, and points up the promenade/walkway-type thing.
Chapter 6: A Case Of Misdirection... or stupidity
As I walk, I see a sign mentioning Rag Week. This produces an anger reaction in me automatically, caused by flashbacks to RFDC. It shouldn't annoy me so much, really. But I'm safe, rag week here was start of Feb. I can continue.
When I get to the 8W corner of the promenade, I can't see any signs saying housing. Remember, I'm thick. So I leave the building and look around for someone else.
At this end there's more shops, cash points, even an off-licence. There's a girl who looks like someone I know standing next to a pillar (She's pretty... shoulder-length brown hair, glasses, slightly larger-than-average), so I decide to go and ask her about it.
She doesn't know, but says that the Aware Office might. I ask her where it is, and she says it's in the Students Union. I don't know where that is, so she says it's by the library. No joy there, and she's starting to look at me a bit suspiciously. I've got to tell her that I'm not from here, and she's OK with it. Phew. She gives me even more detailed directions- find the glass building, up the stairs on the outside, turn right, corridor, blue door. Aware office. Right there. I set off in the direction she points.
Chapter 7: Me + Directions = Lost
I find the glass building. It's the mother of all computer rooms, full of the things. At least 100 a floor, at least two floors of them. It's an impressive computer room.
Anyway. I climb the stairs, and turn right. There's a double door, and a T-junction. I take the right, but it doesn't look like the right way. There's lots of offices, but not an Aware office. Or even a blue door. I leave the corridor, and take the other branch of the junction.
I go past various lecture theatres. As I walk by, I catch a quick glimpse of maths-like stuff on the boards, and carry on, through another set of double doors. There's a large waiting-room type area, with various people waiting, and corridors coming off it. I go straight on through, but pass more signs says Maths classroom and Maths professor. Round another corridor, there's another waiting room, with more doors marked Maths, Maths and yet more MATHS. This isn't right, I've obviously gone the wrong way after the stairs. I turn around and go back, through the waiting rooms. It's pretty safe. But, just before I get to the T-junction, there's a couple of muscled guys standing talking, in the middle of the corridor. Could be trouble. But, fortunately, they ignore me as I slip by. It's back to the stairs.
Chapter 8: Legionnaire
The door at the other end of this corridor is marked Bath University Student's Union, so I think this could be it. As I go through it, there's toilets ahead of me, a corridor to the right, and a fire exit to the left. I take the corridor, and wander past offices with various names, like chancellor and president above them. They're all blue. It won't be hard to find the Aware office, I think.
Then I'm confronted with a cartoon image of a roman soldier. It's on a dogs-leg turn in the corridor, next to the Rag Week office. As I pass by, I have a look inside: it's very jazzily painted, with lots of fancy-dress stuff lying around in there. I move on.
The Aware office... it's ahead of me! An oriental-looking girl comes out of it and walks down the corridor. I go up to the double door, which is open.
Chapter 9: I'm An Impostor, Really!
I knock, and a pretty woman standing behind a desk notices me and says come in. It's a nice office, has chairs, settees, compys, and rooms going off it too. I ask the woman about housing lists, and she says she can't help. But, she gives me a leaflet about what to look for and a list of letting agencies. I ask where I could get a copy of the list, and she says if I registered on the compy network I could pull it off the net. OK, I say, but where could I get it on paper?
She says they don't keep it there, as keeping it updated is a full-time job. But the accommodation office would have it, so I could try there. She asks how many I'm sharing with, I say five. I tell her I don't know where the office is, and she says it's over the other side of the complex, before showing me a simplified map and pointing out the building. I thank her, and leave. Once more, to the accommodation office.
Chapter 10: Getting Lost
I leave the SU offices area, and go back down the steps. I decide to put the leaflets in my backpack, and discover there's a hole in the bottom. I put my MD player and pen in the inside pocket of my coat, and hope nothing falls out. It's only a small hole, but my pen was sticking out of it, so stuff was at risk.
I walk down the promenade, to the end. I'm in the other end corner this time, and pass through a door. It has a sign saying Residential services to the right, so I take a quick walk down that way, but no joy. However, there is a branch of Natwest and a hairdressers down there. I carry on the original direction.
There's a small quad bit after that. I have to go to the opposite corner, and after that is a ramp. There's a big building on the left and a couple of lecture theatres on the right, plus a roof above me so I stay dry. At the bottom of the ramp is a turning, and there's a door with Accommodation Office above it. Hesitantly, I step through the door.
Chapter 11: Please Sir...
Behind the desk is a man. He's got short brown hair and a red shirt. I ask him about the accommodation lists, if I can have a copy. He says come back at half-four as they are being printed now, and asked me how many I was sharing with. I said we're a group of five, and he said OK, come back at half-four. I leave the office, and look at the clock on my mobile phone. It's 1517, I've got an hour and a bit to go. I go up the ramp and work out how to waste my time.
Chapter 12: The Bookshop
As I go, I pass by the business section. I consider going to a lecture, who knows, I may just pick the right one. But, no. I don't go.
I walk back down the promenade. I consider getting something from the shop at that end, to eat, but I don't. They've got a coffee shop there as well, but I pass it by.
At the end of the promenade, down some stairs to the left, is the chaplaincy building. It says pop in and have some coffee, which I consider, but no. I decide that if I'm here, I may as well look in Waterstones. There's a back entrance, which some natives go through, so I follow them. It goes by the stockroom, where a guy is working. There's a sign on the wall saying "Waterstones will prosecute thieves". Damn...
It's a neat bookshop. I decide to look around for my particular textbooks, but only find one. It's �3 cheaper than it is here at BSUC, which annoys me.
In the computer section they have loads of books on JAVA and stuff. There's also a few Linux books with distributions, so I look at the latest. I'd like to run Linux, 'cos Windows is so stupidly unreliable. I take a good, hard look at the System 7.2 book, but it's �37, so I don't get it. It'd be useful for having access to the source for various games, like Nethack and Doom.
I look around some more. There's books on Chaos Theory, which looked cool. But they've got a sci-fi/fantasy section, which I go to look at. They have some Preacher collections, WTF Cassidy betrays Jessie later in the series? I almost buy some, because Preacher is cool, but they're very expensive.
I look around some more, they have Anne Rice, but then I notice the William Gibson books. They've got Neuromancer, which I've wanted to read for a while now but I forgot to ask Ollie if I could borrow it. I pick it up and head to the counter.
Ahead of me is an old woman on crutches. She pays for her book, and then I hand mine over to the cashier. She says "That'll be �6.99", and I give her a twenty. She gives me my books, change, receipt and a bag. I leave the shop, before the old woman. I'm happy. It should be a good read.
Chapter 13: Intermission
There's still forty minutes to go, so I decide to go to the caf� and get some coffee. I go to the counter, and see an assistant. We look at each other, before both starting to speak at the same time. We stop, wait ten seconds, and then do it again. We stop, and I say that I'd like a coffee. She says this is a self-service place, and coffee is at the end of the counter. I go there, and a woman shows me the flasks, tea, milk, and fancy coffee machine, etc. I go for simple black coffee, no milk, can't find the sugar. There's no hot food left it seems, apart from what looks like two sausages. I'm not that desperately hungry. Along with a mars bar and some gum, all comes to �1.18. It's good. That would have been the rest of my twenty gone, right there, at RFDC. I give her a pair of pound coins and receive the change, before sitting down.
I want a record of today, so I start writing things down. My story. As I do, life continues. The group of lecturer-type people at one table get up and leave. A guy sitting in front of me is joined by some girl, and they talk. I think they may have been going out, but it ended then. They seemed friendly enough to each other, the girl quite cute, and someone in the SU obviously as she had a badge saying something.
An oriental-looking guy who reminds me of Chris (Sorry buddy, but Alex was kinda correct :) ) enters, and sits down. He's joined by a few more Chinese. He buys some hot food, and eats it, before leaving.
A small group of "elite girls", three of them, come and sit at the table next to me. As they sit down, I go up to get some more coffee. If you're ever in that place, though, don't. It was quite possibly the worst coffee I've ever had. That's saying something, for a substance that tastes like shit anyway.
There's a girl that looks like a health fanatic. She's pretty, and talking to a friend.
Some more people wander in. The couple wanders out. Health girl leaves. It gets to 1618, and I decide I'd better go. The elite girls leave. I pick up my coffee cups and chocolate wrapper, and leave.
Chapter 14: The Return
I realise I'd better have a quick piss. Fortunately, opposite the caf� is a toilet. I go in, throw my rubbish in the bin, and in one of the stalls there's a sign on the back of the door: vandalism reduces the amount the SU can spend on fun stuff. Interesting placement. There's unflushed paper in the bowl, and the lock's been ripped off the door.
I do my business, and leave. I didn't flush. There's a load of flyers on the back of the door saying about some rave somewhere.
I leave and walk back to the office. As I leave this little area, a guy from some brewery is pushing a barrel of beer around.
I get back to the promenade and it's STILL raining. I walk through, across the quad section. They're taking down the barriers on the direct route.
I get to the bottom of the ramp, turn off my MD player, and put it back in my coat. It's about 1625, but I figure it's still worth a go.
Chapter 15: RUMBLED!!!
When I go in, there's a woman behind the desk as well as the guy, plus a pile of lists marked with the amount of rooms in each one. The woman asks me what I want, and I ask about the lists. The guy says he left her a note about it, and she gives me a five list.
She asks my name, and I tell her "Alexis Cole". She says that I'm not on her list of people wanting to share, and I tell her that my group's all going to live together as a five. At this point I decide to get out of there quite quickly. They were onto me.
Chapter 16: Escape from Bath University
I leave, up the ramp. The direct route is clear now, so I take it. As I walk I type a text message to Lucy:
Fear and loathing in Bath University babe! Got one! (l)(x)
I pause for a few seconds to send it, while still undercover so my phone doesn't get (any more) broken. When I carry on, I'm walking with a girl wearing a beanie hat and listening to some kind of music. She, however, goes off into a building along the way. As I pass by the entrance to the bar, I notice a sign saying No passing out allowed. Very harsh?
I reach the bus stop and wait. I'm looking for an 18 or a 418 bus, to get out of there. There's one in a few minutes, so I wait.
There's people talking. There's a guy with a 3210 in a pretty cover. Some dude keeps looking at me, which was freaky. Some people look at their mobiles and get messages. After so long, there's a rumble at my left breast- phone is going off, text message.
Good one mate.meet up with everyone tom bot10.is that ok
I reply to this.
OK! (l)(x)
I wait for the bus some more. A reply. From Lucy.
Please just let me sort my life first. I will post a time table of my lectures under your door. I am not in the mood. K this is the message I had from kate when I text her bot 10am tom.but u don't know bot the message that she sent me ok
I'm not feeling talkative, and there's not really much to say to that, except
�K. (l)(x)
Chapter 17: Catching the bus. Such is life.
As the bus pulled up and we formed a queue, I got
Please don't say anything.had another text off her saying that she cannot afford to fail her recital that's y
Kate, you see, is busy Thursday. Music work. I get on the bus and ask the driver if it is going on to Bath Spa, he says no just the station. Damn, but I sit down, the only spaces are at the back and it's a big crowd, so some random dude sits next to me. I type my reply to Lucy's message:
It's cool. On way home now, my trip should make a good story! (l)(x)
I try to send it, but my phone now decides I have no reception, so it doesn't get sent.
The bus gets to the bus stop. It's only an 18, so I have to get off and change. During the journey, some guys are talking about their impending mid-life crises, as they are nearly 30. Wow. I'm not impressed.
I get off the bus and wait at the bus stop, it's a 15-minute wait now. I manage to send my message to Lucy. A cute little Japanese girl in a kinda nutty flower-print jacket is there, and she catches my attention.
But, eventually, all stories must end. The 418 rolled up, and the final part of my journey came. I got on, and sat down. Along the way, a scary-looking dude sits behind me, but nothing more happens.
We roll up to BSUC, and I get off the bus. In the kitchen, I have another coffee, and show Tim my impressive new acquisition, before having some cheese-and-beans-on-toast and watching the Simpsons. Then, I write up this.
I don't think this tale has a moral, but it has a message. Always be sure how to get what you want, and don't let a few minor trespassing laws get in the way of getting it. And: Neeed caaaffiiine.
Edit: Since then I've left BSUC. It's too dead for me. So I'm not even living in the house I helped them get anyway (Were it not for me, they wouldn't have even found out about it).Go fig. And are they grateful? Are they hell...