Crispy Hash - Run #441

September 22nd, 2007

The rain came down in buckets as I "headed" north on the Malahat with visions of cold soggy bottoms flashing through my mind. Little did I know that the visions would come true but not from the rain! The hare, Mr. Crispy, called in all favours with the weather gods as the skies cleared and the sun shone once I reached Mill Bay.

A male dominated pack congregated in the parking lot at the Cobblestone Inn Pub for a pleasant little ramble in the Cobble Hill Mountain Recreation Area. Google Maps had the pub on the wrong side of the highway so it was amazing that anyone showed.

Stoolie was fresh from hashing on the Danube and looked smashing in his orange mini-kimono. His whining about the cold that he caught from a 25-year old Hungarian harriet earned him no sympathy.

Stoolie brought greetings from Bushsquatter and Cliffbanger who treated him royally on the UK portion of his vacation. Bushsquatter hasn't changed a bit and ran into a glass door just to remind him of her old ways. Stoolie was press-ganged into being RA as Double Hump was shirking his duties and nowhere to be seen.

Cums Too Soon pinched a nerve in her foot so Slowcooker and visitor Maggie stayed behind to comfort her. Any excuse to relax in a bar! Stroke and Cocks A Fallen waited in vain for a train that never arrived at the Cobble Hill Station. Sounds like the start of a great blues song!

We soon learned that Mr. Crispy had received a vision from Mohammed and we were going to the mountain. The pack charged down a very long false trail and was left wandering aimlessly. Mr. Crispy guided us back on trail and then scurried off to buy beer. Cries of "are you?" and "where the fukawee?" rang through the woods. False trails were plentiful with many an X at the top of a long steep hill. Newbies Kyle and Matt, and veterans Homer and Stroke, were hill climbing machines being FFFRBs of the worst order. Hounds Flirt and Crazy Horse may be old but climbed like champs leaving Jonners and Lakey struggling to keep up.

We climbed upwards for miles and eventually reached the summit with a fabulous view of the Cowichan Valley. All the males responded eagerly to Lakey's invitation to join her on the picnic table. After a short rest, we started down. The trial went straight down an old road where the pack had to step gingerly to avoid ankle biting rocks. The trail continued along the road and followed a paved highway where an absence of flour was noted.

The beer check was in the park at the start of the trail and featured Kokanee beer on six blocks of ice. Mr. Crispy arranged the ice into a glacier on the picnic table and the winter games began. Those of you who have sat on the ice will know what I am talking about. Stoolie was merciless as he handed out charges for the smallest infraction.

Some of the charges were:

• First charge went to Mr. Crispy for haring and sparse use of flour. Crispy sat patiently on the ice while our visitor rambled on about a zoo with no animals.
  
• Visitor Elmo joined us from the Ashburton Hash House Harriers in the UK and seemed to have fun.
• Lakey was charged for winning her age category in the Lands End half marathon. No hasher should run that fast!

Stoolie took great pleasure in arranging a six-pack on ice for a variety of charges. Mr. Crispy, Stroke, Kyle, Homer, My Cocks a Fallen and Deep Shit dropped their shorts and sat on the ice for what seemed like hours.{Note that Homer pushed me off my block and I was unfairly accused of premature standing}.

• Cocks a Fallen and Deep Shit for wearing hats in the circle.
  
• Matt and Stroke for flexing their massive thighs in front of Kyle, and Kyle for pissing in the parking lot which almost earned him a name.
• Stoolie for general whining. Stoolie reminded us all about safe sex as he turned over his block before resting his delicate derriere on the ice. Mr. Crispy led us in endless songs about jellyfish as Stoolie declared "I can do this".
  
• Matt and Kyle for getting lost at the start of the hash.
  
• Well Swung for staying below the radar. Mr. Crispy rewarded him with an Eskimo Pie ice block in his lap to provide balance.
  

Great to see the Hash doing its bit to honour the Kyoto agreement and combat global warming. Too bad the Kokanee girls weren't around to help thaw our frozen butts. An ice inukshuk was left on the picnic table as a small contribution to the 2010 Olympics.

The hash owes an apology to Slowcooker, Cums Too Soon and visitor Maggie who we left in the bar during the circle. Running and beer seem to impair judgment!

The pack retired to the pub for excellent food. Jonners defended Lakey from the advances of a local and all was well.

Thanks to Mr. Crispy for an excellent hash!

Acting Scribe
Deep Shit

VH3 Home Page