Boomerang's Fairfield Extravaganza
The website said the hash started at 3:00, Preemie and BUB arrived with the beer at 3:30 believing they were early and the hare Boomerang was prepared to start at 4:00. Just goes to show you that life can be confusing and "island time" is always best.
Early arrivals Hot Nuts, Puck Off, Homer and Deep Shit were mechanically challenged by the "some assembly required" patio set until someone realized that necessary hardware was missing. Gracious host Lynn saved the day with fresh lemonade.
The well preserved Boomerang has recently returned from Fiji and led the pack in a merry frolic through the wilds of Fairfield. The aging bull rode a bicycle of similar vintage with a rear tire in sad need of inflation (don't we all?).
Flirt and Crazy Horse were the only hashers who paid any attention to Boomerang's careful instructions about mysterious markings and we were off. The trail followed the same general route as Stroke Alone's Queen Victoria Day Hash.
The pack followed a back road to Moss Rock and were immediately informed that we were on a private driveway. How the hell did that happen when 95% of BC is public land? Cinderella flaunted authority by stepping across the private property sign.
A few hashers stopped to chat with Maytag who was relaxing at home as Wrong Way Foreskin and the kids were away. The hash halted in confusion at a beautiful viewpoint on the rocks near the Chinese Cemetery. The hare announced that we were on a major on-back and the last check which was miles away.
After much grumbling the pack continued on to Gonzales Beach which provided some interesting distractions. Who would have thought that Victoria had its own beach culture with muscle-bound dudes and bikini-clad babes?
A massive garage sale of vintage clothing attracted our attention for several minutes. Homer thought 5 bucks was a bit much for a gorgeous yellow
shirt. Stoolie and Deep Shit were directed to take the elevator to the third floor to the Lederhosen Department.
The pack came across several weddings along the trail. One of the hashers shouted at the wedding party on the shores of Ross Bay that the marriage was doomed as it was already on the rocks. Best of luck to the happy couple who were perched on the outfall to the Ross Bay storm sewer for their wedding photos!
The pack finally reached the beer check on the beach across from Ross Bay Cemetery. The sun was shining, the beer was tasty (thanks High Beams) and all was perfection on the West Coast.
Down Downs were:
Homer is preparing for the upcoming move to Japan and handed out his old hash shirts to appreciative new owners. Cinderella now owns both of the Kaniksu Nude Hash t-shirts in Victoria.
Boomerang and Lynn provided a fine feast of bratwurst, hot dogs, veggie wraps and salads.
Boomerang produced a large bottle of Glen Livet and enlightened the pack about transgender "fa'afafine" in Fiji who is traditionally thought to be a boy who was raised as a girl in a family with too many male children. Some parents approve of their effeminate sons since they are more likely than "straight" children to take care of them in their old age. Further discussions about priapism and medical drugs to support transgender modification rounded out the conversation.
If you can't learn something on a hash, you're not paying attention!
Stoolie blessed the hash with his usual sign of approval and all was well!
Deep Shit
Acting Scribe