Deep Shit is scribing for Grateful Head who is checking out glaciers in Alaska:
Victoria's namesake Queen Vickie, would not have been amused by the antics of a particularly exuberant pack on this Victoria Day weekend.
Stroke Alone set a scenic trail through Fairfield starting at Margaret Jenkins School and ending at the beer check in Gonzales Park. The trail meandered along the ocean between majestic viewpoints with a cruise ship in the distance. Several successful check backs, Ross Bay cemetery, King George Terrace and the Chinese cemetery were highlights.
Walkers Jonners and Lakey enjoyed a leisurely stroll as Jonners was "saving" himself for the Oak Bay Half on Sunday. Flirt and Crazy Horse looked particularly dashing in their blue bandanas and basked in the attention of the hash.
The hash witnessed a fender bender on Ross Street when an Alberta tourist in a SUV ran a stop sign and T-boned a little old lady in an import. The hashers immediately swung into action with Beaver calling 911 and Double Hump, Pussies and Lorna comforting the elderly victim until the professionals arrived. Hash doctor Hadji Bill Graham was front running and nowhere to be seen.
Good to know the emergency system is working as police, ambulance and two fire trucks showed up. A bit of overkill but better safe than sorry. Fortunately no serious harm was done other than a crunched door. Preemie spotted the driver later and she looked fine.
The accident seemed to disrupt the flow of the hash resulting in more confusion than usual. Most of the pack shortcutted in true hash form leaving Beaver Fever, Stoolie and Hadji to complete the entire trail.
Free remnants of a garage sale on Hollywood Crescent drew the pack's attention for five minutes. Cinderella gained an extra ball and Sir No Sir scored a fish mold. BUB decided a leather skirt wasn't her style and left it for Stoolie who also declined as he is searching for lederhosen.
The pack waited forever for Stroke to reach the beer check and tried unsuccessfully to jimmy the trunk of his new Prelude. Severe dehydration was setting in by the time the hare arrived with the key to the golden nectar. Potential rebellion was easily quelled by a cooler of beer and bags of Cheezies and chips with no redeeming food value whatsoever. Doesn't take much to make a hasher happy! Cinderella arranged a hash bowling game which is unlikely to catch on as organizing 10 hash pins to stand in formation was almost impossible.
The circle was a raucous event with Beer Captain Cinderella in fine form. Everyone was down-downed for a variety of offenses. A few notable charges were:
RA Double Hump recanted a moment of weakness on the Red Dress Run and renamed "Sir no sir" to "My Cocks A Fallen" . "Battered Cock" would have been appropriate given his coating of flour. Cocks A Fallen informed the pack that Lester the rubber chicken is still missing but photos of the errant cock enjoying the sights of Paris have appeared. Go Lester go!
Digger attempted to lead the pack in new songs from the song book with some success. Jonners (former song master for Calgary Hash) and Lakey introduced the pack to several new songs which are badly needed given our pathetic repertoire. The circle closed with a rousing rendition of Swing Low Sweet Chariot with all the actions.
The hash seemed fascinated with "head" probably because they aren't getting any. Jonners wrote down the words and Lakey challenged the pack to memorize the following ditty:
Thanks to Hi Beams for brewing most tasty beers. Much appreciated!
The pack retired to the Ross Bay Pub for food and beer. Hadji demonstrated misplaced support for the Ottawa Senators and Pussies revealed that she taught sex education in a former life. Grog modeled his new glasses direct from New York City. A most excellent hash!
On on!
Deepshit
PS - Bite My Nuts advises that May 1st is the first official day of outdoor fucking.