400th Hash - Return to Snowy Mountain Hash

Slow Cooker is pretty much everyone's favorite harriet. Visiting Slow Cooker at her home is like being in the bosom of a long lost family. She always ensures that one has enough to eat, that their socks are dry and everyone is made to feel comfortable and very much at home.

However, there is a dark side to Slow Cooker that is not discussed very often. You see, she is very practiced at leading men astray. And that's exactly what happened at the 400th hash following the beer check. As everyone was returning to the start, Slow Cooker led Grog and Mr. Crispy Bush off into the woods, a wraith-like wood nymph flitting through the trees while these two wankerss stumbled along after her. Of course, it's very likely that this was not the first time Grog and Mr. Crispy have been led astray by a harriet. Or by any woman for that matter. Or even a reasonable facsimile of a woman... Chances are they have paid good money to be led astray on several occasions.

Meanwhile, back at the start (or was that the finish?), much glee and joy slowly began to give way to concern. This had been a most excellent trail for the pack. Lots of jungle running through cold puddles and leg-coating shiggy along maze-like forest roads. The hares, Dickus and Richard the Turd had out-done themselves on this one. It had been a masterful trail that still managed to keep everyone together right up until the beer check. Of special note was the spectacular full-length face plant in a very large puddle by Turd as he demonstrated his special method of negotiating large expanses of shiggy and water. However, no one had done a head count before starting off up Snowy Mountain. Homer was the first to realize his significant other was missing and went back to find her. Several others started back and the hares wisely decided to round-up the pack and send them back to the party hall to keep everyone from running off into the woods to find the lost hashers.

Back at the party hall the pack waited for the lost hashers to re-appear. May of us admired Shrink-a-dinks neat right-hand drive Japanese van with the removable sun-roof(s)(Stoolie was especially impressed with it, but that might be because he rode back in it sandwiched between two young women half his age while half-drunk. That's about as good as it gets for him these days). The sun slowly began to sink below the horizon and things started getting cold. Rumor had it that Dickus had alerted Search and Rescue just in case. And then! The phone call that let us know that the lost wankers had been found! Much hilarity and rejoicing ensued.

Upon their return, the lost hashers were severely punished for wasting everyone's time! Many bogus charges and countercharges were also exchanged and the sacred amber fluid flowed like a river. A reincarnation of the Wanker Cup was introduced by BUB, who had rescued what was left of it after Cinderella and Stoolie had so callously dropped and accidentally run over it last summer. Hats-off to BUB for her excellent efforts in restoring this revered artifact to its place in the hash. Both Dickus and Richard the Turd were feted for their efforts in bringing us the 400th trail. Of particular note was a frantic display of amateur poetry from Eric - this was an ode to Floppy Snatch or something of that ilk. His performance was good enough to earn him an interim hash handle of "Eric the Snatch" while our most respected new hasher (because of the virgins she has been leading into the hash), Catherine, was named "I came three times!" after her outburst in the circle during a previous hash. We now have an "I am that good!" and "I came three times!" on the VH3. Both are very attractive young women and all the broken-down old farts now have salacious hash-handles to go with their secret fantasies. Best get them some bibs because their own drool is about the only bodily fluid they are likely going to be experiencing any time soon.

On-On

Stoolie