"Bastard bird." Said Jess, picking up her glasses she had thrown in the direction of the voice earlier.
"How are you?" The bird continued, staring around.
Neither Jess nor Hannah answered this.
The bird did instead. "Fine thanks!"
"Oh great," Jess sighed. "All I need – another nutcase."
"Hello there Mr Parrot," Hannah said warmly. "How are you?"
"You're in the Bermuda Triangle!" The bird answered.
"Sorry my geographically-challenged friend, but that's impossible." Hannah replied.
"You're in the Bermuda Triangle!" The parrot then continued to cackle in a somewhat evil way.
"We can't POSSIBLY be in the Bermuda Triangle!" Said Jess. "We weren't going in that direction!"
"Maybe the parrot's lying." Hannah suggested.
"Maybe he isn't."
"Maybe he IS."
Jess pondered this.
"Oh. I'd never thought of it like that." She sat down next to the pool. "CACK."
"Cack." The parrot replied, pleased with his new word. "Cack."
"JESS!" Hannah scolded. "You taught it a swear word!"
"Oh, who CARES?!" Jess exclaimed. "We're in the middle of SODDING NOWHERE! He doesn't have an OWNER who'll give a FLYING TOSS!"
Suddenly, a small boy ran out of the bushes and put out his arm to the bird, which fluttered down to perch on his arm.
"Pretty polly!" The boy exclaimed.
"CACK." The bird replied.
The boy looked horrified.
"Oh, Christ." Jess put her head in her hands.
The boy started to cry. And not the delicate, embarrassed sort of crying you'd expect a tribal boy to do, but a great howling, Earth-trembling sort of cry.
"NOW look what you've done." Hannah scolded the guilty-looking Jess. "I can't take you anywhere without you insulting or upsetting small children or animals." She paused for thought. "Or in fact full-grown men for that matter."
Jess had the decency to look a little perturbed at the situation.
Suddenly, out of the bushes from behind the boy came a man holding a gigantic spear. He looked at his boy then looked around for the cause of trauma, seeing Jess and Hannah standing sheepishly.
He pointed the spear at them threateningly.
"I'd say we should run now…" Jess commented.
"Funny. I was thinking the same thing." Hannah said.
They turned on their heels and ran.

"It's times like this," said Jess, running through a forest on an island in Bermuda being pursued by a group of savage natives with spears, "That I wonder why we're friends."
"Shut up and keep running." Hannah said, crossly.
They finally burst out into a clearing.
"What now?!" Jess panted.
"Climb a palm tree!" Hannah said, leaping up the nearest trunk. Jess shinned up another tree and they waited with bated breath as the natives came into the clearing with a crash.
"'Allo!!" The boy, still clutching the parrot, followed them out of the trees and stood right underneath Jess's palm. "'Allo!!"
Jess held onto the trunk and held her breath in an attempt not to be discovered.
Suddenly, the parrot looked up and spotted her.
"'Allo!!"
"Sssh!" She hissed, terrified the boy would look up and see her too.
"'Allo!!" The bird repeated.
Suddenly, the coconut Jess had been holding onto came free from the tree and fell to the floor, taking Jess with it.
She landed on the sand with a bump.
"Cack." Said the parrot. Hannah didn't know who screamed the loudest because as soon as the boy screamed, so did Jess, a stream of expletives flying out which the parrot annoyingly repeated all.
Hannah dragged Jess off and across the forest floor as fast as was humanly possible.
They ran in one direction for no particular reason and suddenly burst out of a bush to find a huge dock in front of them, with several huge, old ships.
"Come on! Let's sail!"
"No WAY!" Jess shouted at her as they ran across the planks between ships. "Those things look like they might have scurvy!"
"Don't be silly Jess, boats can't get scurvy. Now rats on the other hand-"
"THERE!!" Jess interrupted her as she spotted a giant floating banana in the sea.
"GREAT observation!" Hannah ran and leapt onto the jet ski in front of the huge plastic yellow piece of fruit.
Jess stood on the edge of the boardwalk apprehensively. "This doesn't look safe…" She murmured.
Hannah backed the banana up to just in front of Jess and laughed as the: 'This banana is reversing!' warning siren sounded.
"Get on!" Hannah ordered.
"NO!" Jess said stubbornly.
Hannah rammed the promenade and Jess fell off onto the banana, rolling over 360 degrees and appearing wet once more on the surface the correct way up.
"Hold on! Here we go!" Hannah put her foot down and the banana sped off into the ocean.