Santa... for not believing in you, for not understanding the true meaning of Christmas and running away from the North Pole.

Elves... for making you out to be rude, evil, sadistic b*st*rds. But, hey, it's probably true.

Reindeer... for generally mocking you and all your kind.

The boy on the island... for inadvertently teaching your parrot to say "cack!".

Jack Nicholson... for allowing our celebrities to pin a tail on you. Please don't sue us.

Keanu Reeves... not content with killing you off in Book Six, we resurrected you and then made you put up with being the object of Hannah's affections once again. Sorry.

Various celebrities... for mocking you, killing you off and otherwise using you to further the plot on the yacht.

Orlando Bloom... for Jess implying that you have no talent and for her general mean-ness to you. And Hannah getting bored of you by the end of the book.