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| ZANE | KEANU | BRIAN | HOBBITS | TONY | GEORGE |
6.1
character profiles
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| ZANE | KEANU | BRIAN | HOBBITS | TONY | GEORGE |
Click a picture to view a profile.
Profiles of Jess and Hannah, the creators and stars of the book, can be found on the evolution page on the Motherpage.
6.2
character profiles
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| BRIAN | KEANU | HOBBITS | TIM |
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| CHRIS B | KURT | CHRIS J |
Click a picture to view a profile.
Profiles of Jess and Hannah, the creators and stars of the book, can be found on the evolution page on the Motherpage.
6.3
character profiles
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| CHRIS J | CHRIS B | KURT |
COMMUNIST J & H |
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| GRANT | ALIEN | TOBY |
Click a picture to view a profile.
Profiles of Jess and Hannah, the creators and stars of the book, can be found on the evolution page on the Motherpage.
6.4
character profiles
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| CHRIS J | CHRIS B | KURT | GRANT |
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| CAPTAIN H | JIMMY | QUEEN |
Click a picture to view a profile.
Profiles of Jess and Hannah, the creators and stars of the book, can be found on the evolution page on the Motherpage.
| how to pronounce his surname "Jo...an...you". pastime Bassist for Australian rock band Silverchair. Our sources say he has also got a home recording studio where he does stuff to amuse himself. (Not in that way you sicko.) nationality Yeah, you guessed it - Canadian. real woman Is dating a singer called Sarah McLeod. No idea who she is? Us neither. married Hannah in Book Four. Don't you remember?!! why? We're not sure. |
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nationality English. occupation Actor and Bentley collector. where have I seen him before? Probably Red Dwarf - that comedy series. Otherwise, maybe in some other English comedy TV programmes like The Brittas Empire? Also, more recently, he has gotten onto the big screen by appearing in both Tomb Raider and the sequel, The Cradle Of Life, appearing as Lara Croft's butler. does he make a good butler? Of course. He's very particular, very cleanly and last but not least, enjoys his work. why is he in The Book? Probably along the same lines as why Steve Coogan, Hobbits and X-Men character Nightcrawler appeared. (But that's just a guess, don't take our word for it...). interesting fact He has two chocolate-coloured Labradors (if you're to believe the internet). how much does Jess love him? A lot, but she doesn't like to admit it to anyone. Not even you. Oh, crap. |
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nationality German. skin colour (Not that it matters) Blue. originates from The X-Men comics. Remember those comics that you used to read as a little child? (No, we didn't either, but Jess reads them now because she missed out as a child). Well Nightcrawler was the blue one with a tail, who had the ability to teleport with the noise 'BAMF!' leaving only a cloud of blue smoke behind and change his appearance (slightly). pastimes Teleporting. This is when he disappears with the sound 'BAMF!' and only a puff of blue smoke left to choke on. has he been in The Book before? If you count Versions 1 and 2 as valid for an answer, then yes. If not, no. |
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nationality Comes from Wales so we assume there (don't take our word for it...) does he have any idea what he's doing in The Book? No, not really, but he's up for the ride, which is what counts. where you should have seen him before You shouldn't. Because he works in the boiler room of Mar's moon Phobos. But if you're thinking about the non-parallel universe Grant Nicholas (as in the one that we all know about), he is the lead singer and guitar player in the rock band Feeder. They had that famous hit...you know the one...goes something like 'CD player! Player! Player! Player! Player! Player! Pla-' |
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catchphrase ARRR! favourite book He's illiterate. But favourite story to be read, is 'Treasure Island'. womaniser? Where's the time for women when you're sailing?! Ooh arrr! distinguishing features The hook hand and the eye-patch (although we'd just like to point out that there isn't anything wrong with that eye). weapon of choice A shoe. |
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tone of voice Condescending. distinguishing feature Talks about herself in the third person. power-freak? Unconfirmed. favourite drink English tea. (Secretly PG Tips.) number of butlers in use 732 |
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relation to Chris Joannou Cousin. (Not that you could see or understand how). pastimes Too many to list. job Serial Book-ateer. The rest of his life is undecided. Book history in a nutshell Flew and crashed a plane in Book One, went mad in Book Two, missed out sorely on Book Three, drove a taxi in Book Four and flew and crashed (as good as) a plane in Book Five. biggest regret in life Not being in Book Three. |
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nationality Kiwi (as in the people that come from New Zealand, rather than a tropical fruit...) day job Presents everything on MTV2. Also presents a radio show on XFM (well, he used to...) and Radio 1. And if you ever see an advert on TV for a band's album with a bloke speaking...that'd most probably be Zane doing voiceovers. He's a busy chap. Either that or he has a double. last seen In Book Two, where, if you remember, he tried to take over the world. mad? As a hatter. By the way, what the hell is a hatter?! Answers on a postcard. |
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occupation Lead singer and guitar player in rock band Placebo. nationality English, but has lived a lot of time in America, which would explain his mid-Atlantic accent. married? Nope. interesting fact Ummmmm, give up. ever appeared in The Book before? Not from what we can remember. Although The Book is a crazy mish-mash world of weirdness. will he ever appear again? Only time will tell... |
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nationality American/Hawaiian/Chinese...(or so we've heard) pastime By the way, if we've constantly spelt 'pastime' wrong and it's actually either 'passtime' or 'pass time' then please forgive us. Oh, and he's an actor and bass player some random unheard of (probably crap but we didn't say that) band. We heard that he used to play in band called Dogstar. most mockable quote "Woah!" religion Buddhist we hope, otherwise none of the jokes in The Book will have been relevant at all. best acting role He hasn't had one. interesting fact Ewan McGregor almost got cast as Neo in The Matrix instead. |
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nationality Elijah and Sean are American, Dom is English and Billy is Scottish why do I think they look familiar? That's because they are familiar - they play the hobbits in the latest movies of Lord of the Rings. Of course, they don't play all the hobbits...that would involve a hell of a lot of wig changes...just the main four: Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin. who's jess's secret favourite? Sean. ["He's NOT! Goddamn it!" - Jess] do we believe Jess? No. nice guys? Of course. In Book Four they were very helpful when it came to the day of Hannah's wedding - they even put her on a train the night before and sent her to Glasgow on purpose. How nice of them! (The wedding was in London.) |
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nationality English and American (respectively). do I know them? Probably not, no. occupations Ass-kissers. Oh! Did I say that out loud?!! Sorry, I meant liars. OH! AGAIN! One is President of the United States of America and the other is the Preside-- er, sorry... Prime Minister of Britain. dress style Smart when they need to be and casual when they want you to think they're spending time with their family. marital status Both married with children (or so they'd like you to believe...). |
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communist jees's nationality British. communist jess's parentage One dad and one mother, called Josephine and Terry. communist jess is most likely to Enforce her Communist related views on you. communist jess is least likely to Be involved in anything to do with multiple parentage, Hobbits, blue things or Caesar salads. communist jess's temperament Hates order and normality - loves equality. communist jess's future career Next communist world-leader.
nurse hannah's nationality English. nurse hannah's pastimes Nursing sick people. nurse hannah's favourite colour? Green. nurse hannah's favourite musical artist? She doesn't like films. nurse hannah's role model/idol? Herself. nurse hannah's favourite food? An entire roasted cow. nurse hannah's temperament Completely down to Earth, normal and very boring. nurse hannah's future career Care for the elderly. |
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nationality Comes from Venus. age 5784,798,273 years. do scientists have any idea he exists? No, but Hannah does. distinguishing features Small, purple, looks like a monkey, covered in feathers and wings. We don't have a picture because he's from Space we haven't had a chance to go and take a picture of him yet. Maybe in 400 years when we can get up into Space for a reasonable price? intelligent? No offence, but no. Well, at least, not in the way we are. does he have anything to do with Toby from Book Two? As much as Jess would like to say that Toby from Book Two is an alien, no. Not at all. We can genuinely say that the only thing they have in common is their stupidity. Oh, and their names. |
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nationality Comes from a far away galaxy where there are 3 stars and 12 planets. age 245 years. do scientists have any idea he exists? No. Well, probably, but they just haven't admitted it yet. distinguishing features About three feet tall and red. intelligent? Very. have they found the answer to life?: Yes. And it IS 42. sorry about the picture It's the only one we have. It was taken by a drunk man from Texas who, after having 10 pints at a nearby pub, started to drive home and after seeing a neon-green space ship float down on the road before him, decided it would be a good idea to take a picture to prove to his friends that he was telling the truth. Strangely no-one believed him. We're not sure why - completely believable story. |
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nice but dim? Yes. nationality Australian. Whereabouts isn't really relevant. did Jess and Hannah make him up? How did you guess?!! why is he in The Book? We ask ourselves the same question every day. But then, scarily enough, if you look back, it was Jess that introduced him...what does that mean?! is he the first of his kind? Not at all...first of all, in the hall of invented characters, comes Jimmy. Then Toby...Then Otto. Then Matthew...now Tim. They are of course, loosely based on real people, but don't hold them to it. |
� Jess and
Hannah 2003-2004
(Yes, that's right, it took us 18 months)
