“You BASTARDS!” As soon as Hannah entered the main docking area she spotted Chris's arm and a leg poking out of the locker.
“Sorry. We needed to put him SOMEWHERE…” Jess said, apologetically.
Hannah ran over and opened the locker. Chris J fell out and onto the floor.
“Look – he's still asleep!” Chris B said, encouragingly. “He won't remember a thing; he's FINE.”
“Poor baby.” Hannah cooed over Chris's unconscious body.
“Vat are we going to do?” Kurt asked. “They will realise we are gone soon!”
“I vote we head back to Earth.” Hannah said. “Where DANIEL is…”
“No! Let's go back to Mars, where my hobbits are!” Jess protested.
“Why don't we try Jupiter? I've always wanted to visit Jupiter.” Said Grant.
Suddenly hundreds of tiny footfalls could be heard behind them and they turned to see lots of little red aliens running after them.
“Just get into a ship!” Chris B cried. They all hopped into the nearest ship, Hannah took the controls, and they took off.
“Oh CRAP!” Hannah exclaimed.
“What? WHAT? I don't like it when you say that!” Jess shouted. “It usually means something's about to happen that's going to put us in terrible danger!!”
“Well, actually, it was only that I'd broken a nail…but now you mention it, we did just leave my ex-husband on that freak ship.”
“Oh, bollocks!” Jess exclaimed.
Hannah swung the ship around and shot back into the entrance to the docking area. All of the red aliens had crowded around and the floor was practically a sea of them.
“Where is he?” Kurt asked the others, but everyone was having trouble locating him amid the mass of red.
“Ooh…I've got an idea…”Hannah said, grabbing a small microphone off of the dashboard.
“Oh God, please don't let it be anything to do with anything stupid.” Jess said, putting her head in her hands.
“That makes it pretty hard for Hannah to do anything.” Chris B remarked.
“CALLING ALL LITTLE RED ALIENS!” Hannah yelled into the microphone.
All the aliens looked up at the hovering ship.
“A SPECIAL SHIP FULL OF LITTLE BLUE ALIENS HAS LANDED OVER IN THE OTHER DOCKING BAY…” Hannah continued. “AND THEY'RE HORNY!”
After a moment's pause there was a stampede out of the main docking room. When all the aliens had gone, the crew of the ship spotted Chris J, still lying motionless on the floor.
Kurt bamfed down to get him and returned a second later.
“Right – go go go!” Hannah squeaked.
Suddenly voices could be heard back down on the ground.
“Hang on – there is only one docking bay!”
“We've been tricked!”
The aliens ran back in.
“GO!” Hannah yelled. Jess pressed a button which said: 'Immediate Escape' and they blasted into space.
Kurt, Chris B, Grant and Jess fell backwards with the force whilst Chris J, still in a coma, slid across the floor to the back of the ship.
After a good 4 and a half minutes, Jess pressed the button again and the ship slowed so they could see all the planets around them.
“Where are we?” Hannah said, rather worried.
“We should still be in our solar system…” Chris B said.
“I think that alien ship was moving whilst we were on it.” Grant said.
“Really?”
“Yeah…I watched out of the window for a while.” Grant said. “We were floating along at quite a fast pace.”
“Damn.” Hannah slunk down in her seat, feeling totally defeated by space – maybe this had been a bad idea after all. Maybe if Earth was the only planet populated by humans, it should stay that way…Nah, where would the fun be in that?!
“We'll be drifting along in space all alone for years…” Jess said, mournfully. “It'll be like Red Dwarf, eh, Chris?” She added.
“Oh, GOD.” Chris B put his head in his hands.
“Hang on, what's this?” Hannah pressed a button which said 'Satellite Navigation and Radar'.
A little black screen burst into life with lots of green objects moving around.
“Ace! Now we know where we're going!” Grant over the screen.
“What's that big green blob on the left of the screen?” Jess asked, pointing.
“What? That one?” Grant asked.
“No. The big one.”
“That's a meteorite.”
“Nah, that's a comet, isn't it?” Chris B said.
“No, it's far too big to be a comet.” Jess said.
“Could it be another ship?” Kurt asked.
“No. It's too round.” Hannah pointed out.
“Then maybe it's a moon…”
“Don't be ridiculous.”
“I'm telling you, it's a meteorite.”
“It's NOT!”
“It's a COMET, guys.”
“Nein, it's another ship!”
“It's a SODDING comet!”
Jess punched Chris B in the nose.
“IT'S NOT A COMET, CHRIS, SHUT UP!”
Suddenly a red light started flashing.
“WARNING, WARNING.” A voice came out of the ship's loudspeakers. “BLACK HOLE IN PROXIMITY, WARNING.”
“Ah. It was a black hole.” Hannah said, triumphantly. Then the realisation struck her. “Oh. Oh dear.” Hannah tried to smile bravely. “That's not that bad, eh? Guys? Eh?!”
Nobody answered.
“What exactly happens to people in black holes?” Hannah asked, with a slightly sadistic curiosity.
“We get squashed to the size of a very very small black dot.”
“Oh.” Hannah looked unhappy.
Kurt tried to steer the ship away from the huge green blob. “This isn't working…” He observed.
“Too much gravity.” Jess noted.
“Does this mean our fate is resigned to spending eternity as a black dot?” Hannah said, mournfully.
“Maybe.” Answered Chris B.
“Can't we be red dots? Or purple dots?” Hannah continued, excited with the thought. “Or maybe we'll all be different! Like a bunch of multi-coloured dots!!”
“IT DOESN'T MATTER!” Jess shouted, loosing her temper, (not for the first time that day). “WE'RE BLATANTLY ALL GOING TO DIE AND IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A HAPPY EXPERIENCE!”
“Actually, Jess, ve might not…” Kurt pointed.
“Oh…right.” Jess blushed.