“Oi! You two,” a voice shattered the silence in the jail cell where Hannah and Jess were sitting, reading a Silverchair biography and a copy of the Telegraph respectively.
“What?!” Hannah looked up at the jailer who had interrupted her reading in annoyance. NO ONE interrupted her 'Silverchair Time'.
“The wing governor wants to see you.” He said, holding open the door.
“What about?” Asked Jess, folding her paper and standing.
“You'll have to go and see.” Replied the jailer.
“Oh, boy,” said Hannah, as they headed down the corridor. “I wonder if he's going to send us off on some weird and wacky adventure?”
“Shut up, Hans.” Jess started off down the stairs.

“Volunteer work SUCKS ARSE.” Declared Jess, spiking several pieces of rubbish onto her stick and depositing them into a black bin-liner she was holding.
“Oh, come on, J – we got to go to Reading - this is fab!” Hannah said happily, looking up at the stage.
“Yes. But we ARE here with ESCORTS.” Jess indicated to the 2 policemen, holding handcuffs and truncheons, standing right behind them.
“Oh, lighten up.” Hannah looked around quickly and discreetly for somewhere to hide, then remembered she was handcuffed to a policeman realising it wasn't such a good idea after all.
“I need to go to the toilet.” Jess moaned, quietly.
“Yeah!” A light turned on over Hannah's head – some guy was stood behind her with a weird light-bulb hat. “We need the toilet!” She shouted to the policeman.
“No!” Whined Jess. “Not festival toilets!”
“YEAH!” Hannah shouted, then saw the policemen's suspicious faces. She bent her knees together. “Really busting!!”
The two fed-up policemen talked amongst each other for a short while then turned to the two girls. “Ok. But only those crappy loos down there…” He pointed at a string of them near the entrance to the Reading festival arena.
Jess kicked Hannah repeatedly en route to the loos. When they got there, Hannah turned and looked at the 2 policemen.
“You don't think you're coming in here, do you?!”
“These are female toilets.” Jess said helpfully.
“Ok…” One policeman said, sounding unsure. He picked a key out of his pocket and undid the handcuffs, letting them into the mobile toilet unit and shutting the door behind them.
“I am not going to the toilet.” She said, putting her nose in the air.
“I didn't expect you to.” Hannah smiled deviously. “But I do expect you to climb out of that.” She pointed at a large, frosted glass window on the side of the unit. “See…we can escape!”
“Ooooh.” Jess finally clicked. “Good PLAN, Batman.”
Jess was partway through giving Hannah a leg up to the window when the policemen knocked on the door.
“You two done in there?” One of them asked.
“Uh…no!” Hannah exclaimed. “Don't come in!”
“Jesus, are we meant to have wee-d at the speed of light?!” Jess moaned.
“Shut up and help me get out this window.” Hannah growled, her head and chest stuck on the other side of the small hole.
After a lot of pushing and shoving, a small 'Waaaaaah!' was heard and Hannah fell to the ground outside.
“What was that bump?” One of the policemen asked through the door.
“Um…none of your business, young man!” Hannah said, reaching up with both arms to help Jess, who reached through the window, took Hannah's hands and kicked off from the ground.
“You've been in there…six minutes now,” the policeman said, crossly. “What are you DOING in there?!”
“AAARRGH!” Hannah yanked on Jess's arms, pulling her head and torso through the window.
“Why aren't you coming through the bloody hole?!” Hannah tugged on Jess's arms again.
“My hips won't fit, dammit!”
“That's it, you've been in there long enough. We're coming in.” The policeman said.
“NO!”
With one last attempt at freeing Jess, Hannah pulled with all her might, (which admittedly wasn't much). There was an ominous crack, the window gave way and Jess fell out just as the policemen entered the toilets.
“Where are you?!” One of them roared. Hannah pulled Jess up to crouch under the window out of sight.
“Hello? Are you indecent? I'm coming in!” Another shouted. Jess and Hannah heard a door being forced open and an embarrassed shriek emit. “Oh! Oh I'm sorry, madam!” There was the sound of footsteps running away.
“Where have they gone? They're nowhere to be found!” The other policeman cried.
Hannah suddenly got a cheeky idea. Leaning up against the wall and trying to throw her voice, she said: “HELP! HELP!”
“Where are you?!” The policeman turned around wildly.
“We fell down the loo!!”
“Oh dear GOD!”
Hannah braved a glimpse through the window to see the two officers staring down a toilet.
“We fell in! It's dark in here! Too much loo paper!!” Hannah giggled.
Jess frowned. “Come on! Let's escape while we still have the chance!” She whispered.
“Ok.” Hannah agreed, but just before running away, added for good measure: “Oh! I'm being sucked down the loo! ARGH!”
“RUN!” Jess grabbed Hannah and pegged it.
“Oi, hang on – you weren't down the toilet at all!” The policemen ran to the window to see Jess and Hannah running away very quickly indeed.

“Do you think we can stop now?” Jess came to a panting halt next to a hotdog stall.
“Yeah, it should be ok – I mean, they're not likely to find us here, are they?!” Hannah laughed, indicating the massive crowds of people all around her.
“Eeee!” Jess leapt in the air and Hannah joined her in a little dance of happiness.
“We're FREE! Yey!” Hannah completed her happy-dance and looked around. “Let's go!”
“Go where?”
“ANYWHERE!” Hannah giggled and grabbed Jess's hand. They ran through the crowds of people enjoying the festival music.
“Uh…Hannah…the people here are getting quite tightly packed…”
“It's fine! C'mon, there might be a TOFU bar through here!”
They pushed further through the crowd, finding it increasingly difficult as people were more and more crammed together.
“Hmm…this is strange…” Jess observed as they pushed into a group of people bouncing up and down excitedly.
“Maybe they've all escaped from prison too!” Said Hannah. “C'mon!” they proceeded to bounce through the group of jumping people and then came to a very solid line of bodies.
“This must be the queue for the tofu bar!” Hannah and Jess pushed into the line and looked forward expectantly.
“What the-“
Hannah looked up to see Brian Molko leaping around a huge stage and singing 'Nancy Boy'.
“Oh my GOD!”
“Blimey.”
Hannah and Jess looked behind them at about 40,000 fellow festival-goers, then at the stage, then at each other, then fainted.