At half past three the next morning, Kurt�s front door opened very quietly and a dark figure slipped in, shutting the door behind it.
It crept through the dark hallway and towards the stairs�and tripped over the line of shoes next to the banister.
�OW! Bloody b*ll*cking bloody B*LLOCKS!� It screamed. The hall light snapped on and Kurt appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
�What�?� He began. Jess, exposed at the bottom of the stairs wearing SAS gear, a sheepish expression and clutching her foot, flushed.
�Hi sorry I didn�t want to wake you and I tripped and we finished work late and I�m going to bed now and bye and night.� Jess ran up the stairs like a lightening bolt and disappeared into her room, slamming the door.
Kurt was left at the top of the stairs, looking confused.

�How did it go?� Hannah asked, as she entered the kitchen of the restaurant to see Jess already sitting there fiddling with menus.
�Oh, you know.� Jess said. �I got home at half three, left the house at half four. We get on quite well if we don�t see each other.�
�You can�t avoid him forever.�
�Can try.� Jess replied.
Suddenly the door opened and Kurt came in.
�Guten Tag [Need I translate�?! �Good day�].�
�Oh, BALLS.�
�That lasted well.� Hannah muttered, amused.
�STAY HERE.� Jess hissed to Hannah.
Hannah�s phone rang.
�Hello?�
�Hi! It�s Nat. I�m going shopping. Want to come?�
�Yeah! See you in five.� Hannah hung up the phone. �Sorry, J.� She walked towards the door.
�No! Where are you going?!�
�Have a nice afternoon!� Hannah left the kitchen, leaving Jess gazing after her in horror and despair.

�Hello!� Hannah ran up to Natalie, who was waiting for her outside a shop.
�Hiya. Ready to spend some money?�
Hannah looked crestfallen. �I don�t have any.� She admitted.
�Oh.� Natalie wasn�t quite sure what to do and so looked at the floor awkwardly.
�However, I do have this!� Hannah drew out her purse and from inside pulled out a credit card, brandishing it in front of Natalie.
Natalie looked closer and read the name: �MISS JESS� printed on the bottom of the card. �Ah! Great!� Natalie smiled. �Does that have some money on it then?�
�Actually, no.� Hannah sighed. �I don�t know why I bother to carry it around with me really�� She threw it into a nearby waste paper bin.
�So back to square one then.�
"I told you, I don�t have any money.�
�It�s a turn of phrase, not a shop.�
�Ah.� There was a moments silence. �Then yes.�
Silence filled the air.
�Wait! Hang on! I do have this�� Hannah drew out another credit card and Natalie read the name on it: �MR JAMIE OLIVER MBE�.
�Why didn�t you say so before! Let�s shop until we drop!!�
The two disappeared off into the sun. (What? There aren�t any sunsets in Space.).

Jess decided after 15 minutes of pacing in the kitchen that she could handle this entire situation calmly and collectively, in an appropriate manner. All she had to do was to follow the set ways of her job as the waitress. She grabbed a menu and walked out into the restaurant, laying it down on the table in front of Kurt who was fiddling nervously with his tail.
Jess was about to run off again when Kurt stopped her. �Can I have a drink?�
Jess looked a him suspiciously. �Maybe.�
�Gut [Good]. Do you have coffee?�
�Maybe.� Jess replied again.
�What kinds of coffee?�
�What IS this?! German interrogation?!! I don�t deserve this! What do you WANT from me? I have nothing to offer you! Leave me alone!! I�ve done nothing wrong!! Waaaaa!� Jess bolted through the swing-doors into the kitchen to safety.
Jamie Oliver looked up at her in mild surprise.
�Some soup please, Jamie.� Jess said calmly, smoothing down her hair.
Jamie filled a bowl and laid it down beside her.
Jess picked it up, and walked back to Kurt�s table. �Soup.� She said plainly.
�I hope you moving in with me has not effected out friendship, Jess, ja [yes]?� Kurt looked concerned.
�Effected what? What?! What! What is there to be effected? What?!� Jess had seemed to have acquired a nervous twitch � but in her voice box.
�Never mind.� Kurt picked up his spoon and started to eat.
Jess ran back to the kitchen and pulled out three self-help books and the �Little Book of Calm�.

�Well, I�ve spent all of Jamie Oliver�s money.� Hannah said, slumping into an armchair in her and Nat�s house.
�Yep, and I�ve replaced all of my wardrobe,� Natalie looked at her bags. �Twice.�
�Vegetable lasagne?� Hannah suggested.
�Yeah.� Nat gave a lazy thumbs up and slumped on the sofa.
Hannah got up, ambled into the kitchen and nearly messed herself.
�WAAAAA!�
�Shhh!� Jess, who had been hovering upside down in the doorway, frowned. �For God�s sake, Hannah, keep it down.� She dropped to the floor.
�Why�why aren�t you-�
�I left.�
�Well, I can see that.�
�This has all got a bit heavy for me, Hans. I need to get out.�
�Out of what?�
�The house. The bookshop.� Jess sniffed. �The Space Station�"
�Why are you acting like a fugitive in a bad movie?�
�Shut it, Hans.� Jess went pink.
�You can�t leave the Space Station. It�s part of our sentence.�
�But I wanna GO!� Jess whinged, dropping her tough guy persona.
�You can�t. You�ve got to stay here and face your problems like a man!�
�What?"
�Not literally.�
�I don�t want a relationship with him.�
�Who would?� Hannah sympathised.
�But I need a house.�
�Live on the streets.� Hannah suggested.
�It would be better than this.�
�Yeah, well, I�d offer you a bed here, but Nat thinks you�re a b*tch.�
�Oh, I totally agree.� Jess said, empathetically. �Maybe I could sell my body for accommodation.�
�Maybe.�
�Probably not.�
�No.�
There was a silence.
�Maybe I should go out with him.�
�Hmm.� (Hannah didn�t really care by this point).
�But I don�t think he�s kinky enough for me.�
�Yeah, I- what?!� Hannah did a double take. �KINKY?!�
�Yeah.�
�I�what�I don�t know�� Hannah tried to block out her imagination. FAST.
�Why�s life so complic-� Jess was interrupted by the one sound she didn�t want to hear.
�BAMF�.