Jess looked down at her black and white striped prison overalls and frowned.
“Why couldn't you provide us with VERTICALLY striped overalls? They're much more flattering…”
“Shut it.” The man dollopped some slop into a bowl and pushed it roughly into her hands. “Move along.” Jess was pushed down the line and sat grumpily at a table opposite Hannah.
“So I take it they're still not interested in your ideas for improved prison fashion?” Hannah asked, poking at her slop with a fork and wondering if it was vegan.
“No.” Said Jess, shovelling a forkful into her mouth. “Bastards.”
Jess and Hannah had been stuck in jail for three weeks and were sick to death of their small, cramped cell and the lack of decent food.
Hannah was just about to brave the crap in her bowl when the tannoy sounded:
“This is an announcement for all prisoners. Will any inmate who does not currently have a work placement please report to the wing manager as soon as possible. Thank you.”
“Hans! Did you hear that?” Jess said excitedly.
“Forget it, Jess. I'm not doing gardening or tea-making. No way.” Hannah said, poking her fork into the slop and then licking it suspiciously.
“But it CAN'T be any of the usual jobs. They're all taken. This MUST be something new. We should check it out.”
“Hmm.” Hannah sniffed her bowl. “I think something's moving in there.”
“Come on, Hans, finish your slop and we'll check it out.”

“Right, now that you're all gathered here,” The wing governor looked around at his office which was empty apart from himself, Hannah and Jess. “I shall tell you all about this exciting opportunity.” He turned off the lights and turned on a projector which beamed a picture of some sort of spaceship onto the wall.
“Woah! What the hell is THAT?!” Hannah asked.
“THIS,” the governor said grandly. “Is the Orion 4000. It's the first space station built specifically for intergalactic tourism.”
“So…where do we come in?” Jess asked, suspiciously.
“The government has found that recruiting staff for the space station is less easy than they imagined. They need cheap labour and people who are not afraid to go up into space. We thought that the prison system would be the IDEAL place to look.”
There was a silence.
“YES, YES, YES!”
“NO, NO, NO!” Hannah and Jess called out in unison. Incidentally, this sounded like “YO, YO, YO!”, so the governor decided this was an all-round acceptance and walked out.
“I don't think we actually had a choice in the matter, Jess.”
“You've bloody gone and got me into another stupid adventure.” Jess paused. “PAH! It's not even an adventure…it's some sort of Apollo 13 warped, horrific space tragedy in waiting.”
Hannah fiddled with her nails.
“Do you know how many people die in space?!”
“Do you?” Hannah asked.
Jess opened her mouth to make a point then shut it again.
The governor walked into the room holding 2 hangers on which two extremely shiny suits hung.
“Here are your space suits. Get dressed, then meet me outside.”
“Space suits?” Jess asked. “You think people are going to go on holiday when they have to wear that?” Jess stated.
“No, these are just for your trip up to the space station, to give you an extraordinarily small chance of survival if the ship blows up.” The governor hung the suits on a chair and walked out of the room.
“I really hate you.”

Jess poked the padded knee of her space suit grumpily as she sat in the back of a car with Hannah to be driven to the launch pad. (Jess had no idea that there was one in England but apparently the government had been building one in the back garden of 10 Downing Street in secret for some time).
“This suit makes me look fat.” She whinged.
“No, it doesn't. It's to protect you from the cold and airlessness of space.” Hannah said, cheerily. “And CHEER UP, it'll be fun.”
“Death is not fun, Hannah.”
“Stop MOANING, for God's sake.” The car bumbled on. Jess looked down at her leg. There was a ball and chain on her ankle which barely reached around the padded leg of her space suit.
“I wanted freedom, not a bloody job in a space station.” She kicked the ball and subsequently recoiled with the pain of what was probably a broken toe. “I'm SICK of mad adventures, damn you.”
“You said that before we went to Australia in Book One and then you met Patrick Marber.”
“Well...yes.”
“And the same thing about our island in Book Two and then you met Ian Lavender AND Dylan Moran.”
“I suppose...”
“And AGAIN for Book Three when we fell down the back of my sofa and then you met Spike Milligan and Peter Cook.”
“Hmm.”
“And AGAIN in Book Four when we had to work in a hotel and you met the hobbits.”
“Hee hee...yeah.”
“And in Book Five when I got married and you declared your undying love to Sea-”
“Ok, OK! That's enough!”
“I wonder who you're going to meet this time...” Hannah pondered aloud.
“Or who you're going to marry...” Jess muttered.
“What?”
“Why do you talk as though we're in a book?!” Jess laughed.
Hannah laughed.
The man driving the car laughed. (He had just remembered how he had burnt a hole using the iron in his cheating-wife's skirt. Random, unnecessary, yes, you're reading The Book, don't put it down!)
“Ok, we're here.” The governor opened the car door.
Jess fell out of the car unenthusiastically and Hannah rolled out afterwards. They walked into the back garden of 10 Downing Street (as you do) and were greeted by a round of applause. Jess and Hannah blinked in the flash lights.
“We are so happy you have volunteered to be the first people into the space station complex!” An official-looking person said.
Jess and Hannah looked sternly at the Governor.
“I'm sorry,” He apologised. “You blatantly wouldn't have said yes, if I had told you you were the first...”
Hannah scowled, then realised her picture may appear in the papers and smiled sweetly.
“And here...is the ship.” The official-looking man pulled a green sheet off what was thought to be grass but was revealed to be a hole with a space ship in it. “Time to board!”