That night, Hannah had a
full-blown plan ready for action.
"Ok, so to make Daniel jealous, I will seduce Chris and then
Daniel will beg for mercy on his knees…or on his walking
stick…"
"Hannah, it's not nice to make notice of someone's
disability." Jess said.
"You do it to me all the time." Hannah sniffed.
"Yeah well…look!"
When Hannah turned back, Jess had disappeared. She wandered over
to the dining map and noticed that S Astin and D Monahgan were on
a table next to Silverchair. This could be interesting…
"I say we poison them. A dusting of arsenic in the salt
shaker, maybe…?" Said Jess.
"DON'T talk to me about salt shakers." Hannah warned
her.
They retreated to the dining room to prepare themselves whilst
people filed in.
Hannah peered out of the swing door.
"They're part of the massive 'partridge' party." She
observed.
"They're so gonna get it." Jess punched the wall
threateningly. It hurt like hell and she swore loudly.
"Ok Operation-Get-The-Bastards is underway!"
Hannah grabbed some plates and sped out the door. She came to a halt beside Daniel's
table.
"Here are your plates for the buffet spectacular." She
handed Daniel and Ben their plates without a second look then
gave Chris his and winked. "Have a lovely
meal…if you have any problems, don't you even hesitate to
call me!" She tried to saunter off, however this was
particularly difficult in a long black skirt so she ended up
hopping.
Jess meanwhile, came out of the kitchen with a large pot of soup
and a ladle. She went over to the 'partridge' party and cleared
her throat.
"Ok, hot hot soup for everyone!"
"We thought it was a buffet!" Said a grey-haired man.
"Ha! No, change of plan, for a more personalised service
you're having all of your food served directly to you."
She gripped the ladle and started to splosh the soup into
everyone's plates (or laps, whichever was nearest).
"Ok, what have you done to it?" Hannah whispered to
Jess as she passed, going back to get more soup.
"Nothing…except heat it up to an impossibly undrinkable
temperature!" Jess laughed manically.
"Oooh. You're good." Hannah followed her into the
kitchen to cut Chris' complementary bread rolls into heart
shapes.
Ten minutes (and 6 bread
rolls) later, Jess and Hannah heard a knock on the kitchen door.
Hannah got up and opened it.
"Yes?"
"Hi," Answered a Scottish voice. "I'm from table 7
– we were served soup but it's far too hot to drink."
"Oh." Hannah looked back at Jess. "Jess! You made
the soup for table 7 too hot!"
"Oh." Jess raised a hand. "Sorry. My bad."
"There we go." Hannah began to shut the door.
"Um…sorry – could we have cooler soup? Or a
different starter?" The Scottish guy had put his foot in the
door.
"Oh. Sorry. I thought you just wanted to get an
apology. JESS!" Hannah screamed at her partner in crime.
Jess appeared from inside the cooker.
"Hmm?"
"New starter, table 7."
"Oh, ok." Jess wiped her hands on her apron and
scuttled off. Damn! Her plan was foiled! They hadn't drunk the
hot soup! But she had to bide her time…there was always the really
cold ice cream!
"Hey there, you."
"I'm trying to eat."
"Shut it Daniel. I was talking to Chris actually."
Daniel looked at his food to find something wrong.
"This glass is dirty." He moaned.
"I know. You just drank something out of it."
"Yeah, but it's all…messed up, if I want to change
drinks."
"You've got 7 glasses there Daniel. I'll give you another
one if you'd really like…"
"That would be satisfactory."
"He he, yeah, one in the CHEST!"
"Pardon?"
"I said one of the best." Hannah looked around for Jess
– her source of tricks for the wicked. She seemed to be
serving table 7 their dessert before their main course. Hannah
thought for a minute that she recognised them all, but then
remembered how she had to glass Daniel and legged it to the
kitchen.
"Ok!" She dolloped some rock-hard ice-cream onto the
last person's plate. "Dessert for all! Ready to eat straight
away!"
They all tried to get some onto their spoons but ended up chasing
it round their bowls several times.
"Ow! I think I cracked a tooth!"
"My moufs numb!"
"My rock-star daddy has servants that are better than
you!" Said a rather poncy looking girl that had a
voice that reminded Jess of pink candyfloss.
"Well, I'm not a servant, which would explain why I'm
not very GOOD at it!" Jess muttered. "Now, enjoy your
ice cream…that I dipped in liquid nitrogen before
serving!" Jess cackled before walking back towards the
kitchen, shouting "BOO!" at Dominic and Sean as she
passed for good measure. They cowered under the table until she
had left.
"NIGHT DUTY?"
"Look, we're severely short-staffed." The facilities
manager said, apologetically.
"NIGHT DUTY?"
"I'm sure it'll be pretty quiet – you can watch TV
behind reception most of the evening."
"NIGHT DUTY?"
"Hannah, love, I think your record got stuck." Jess
smacked Hannah around the head. "Look, we really don't want
to do night duty…it's just a load of minging people calling
down for condoms and bottles of champagne…" Jess said,
desperately.
"I'm sorry." The facilities manager walked off with a
shrug.
The phone rang immediately. Hannah grabbed it.
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? No." Hannah hung
up. "Let's roll."
They pushed their trolley
of food along the corridor and came to a halt outside a door.
"This looks familiar." Jess commented.
"Knock." Hannah demanded, tired. She had been working a
whole 15 minutes. Jess knocked and the door opened.
"ARRRGH!"
"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me." Hannah scowled. It
was Dom and Sean, cowering behind Elijah.
"Why have you ordered food? You just had dinner!" Jess
asked.
"All the food you served us was inedible." Sean
ventured.
"Oh…oh, yeah, sorry about that." There was a
silence.
"Well, are you going to let us in so we can serve you your
food, SIRS?" Hannah asked.
"Um…ok." They
slowly stepped back and Dom and Sean ran into the en-suite
bathroom and locked the door. Elijah lead them into the living
room.
"You can put it here." He said, timidly and swore as
Hannah ran over his foot with a trolley.
Jess served tea and, checking that Hannah and Elijah were
otherwise occupied slipped something white into each cup. Smiling
triumphantly she stomped off taking Hannah with her.
� Jess and Hannah 2002