Two hours later Ben and Hannah were in hysterics as Ben recalled the time that Daniel tripped over a wire whilst they were recording their second album. Ben demonstrated Daniel's tripping movement but really did trip in the process, and landed in Hannah's arms.
There was a silence.
"You know, I've had a really lovely time this evening," Hannah said.
"Me too..." Ben agreed. His voice softened. "And now I'm going to spoil it all by saying something stupid like-"
"We fixed the motorboat!" Jess's head appeared around the door.
Hannah ran off towards Kelly and the motorboat leaving Ben standing in HMV.
"It's done! It's done!" Steve clapped his hands jumping up and down. Everyone went to hop in the boat when Michael suggested:
"Don't you think it would be better to get it in the sea first?"
Patrick, Ben, Chris, Richard and Kelly pushed the boat towards the automatic doors which opened obediently despite there being no glass in them. The boat was halfway through the doorway when the doors enthused on shutting, they bounced off the boat and back again several times before the speedboat was finally through and the doors angrily snapped shut with Richard inbetween them. Several minutes and bandages later, all 11 people, one turtle and three dragons had got on the boat leaving Michael Palin standing on the shore of his island.
He suddenly called out. "Jess, wait... there is something I must tell you."
"What?" Jess asked, turning back.
"Well... there's a reason that you're here."
"Yeah, our dinghy ran aground, remember?" she said, quite anxious to get in the boat.
"No, there's another reason-" His breathing became unusually hoarse.
Jess was more than slightly freaked out. If only Patrick was there to protect her...but no! He was fiddling with the controls. She had to turn her mind from such matters and concentrate. Hard as it was. "You alright, Mike?" she asked as calmly as possible. "You've gone a bit croaky... dead parrot in your throat?" She laughed weakly but stopped, because he didn't seem in the least bit amused.
"Jess..." There was more hoarse breathing. "I am your father."
"HOLY CRAP!" screamed Jess putting her head in her hands. "That explains everything!"
Michael Palin smiled and nodded contentedly.
"But how? What about my other dad?" asked Jess confused and slightly frustrated.
"I think it's better you don't ask... continue living your life in a normal way. But you know I'm always here."
"OK," said Jess sniffing.
"Stupid arse," muttered Steve.
Hannah consequently slapped him on the back of his head.
The speedboat slowly moved away from the shore amongst the lapping waves. Ben turned on the engine and revved it loudly. "I've ALWAYS wanted to drive one of these!" he said excitedly.
"So have I," said Hannah, pushing Ben aside from the wheel. "Let's roll."
"You are, of course, coming with us this time?" Jess asked Patrick.
"Oh, yes, course I am."
"Good." Jess hopped into the boat.
"Bye then," Hannah said, waving to Michael as she reved the engine.
"Bye... come back whenever you like... the sale starts Sunday!" The boat began to move away from the shore. It was rather full and everyone was squashed together. Hannah tried to move towards Kelly and avoid Ben, but with all the squashing she was caught somewhere between Jess and Cartman which frankly wasn't good enough.
"Hannah, why are you sitting? Thought you were driving..." Daniel said, catching her staring at him.
"Oh yeah," she said embarrassed, quickly getting up and driving the boat like done so in the Charlie's Angels movie - fast.
Half an hour later they were still going really fast and Hannah was still driving.
"Where are we going?" Jess asked, shivering - it was quite cold in the boat with all the wind rushing past.
"We're going to Patrick's island."
"WHAT!?"
"WHY!?" came the assorted screams from the back of the boat.
"I want my CDs back.." said Hannah keeping her foot down on the accelerator. The boat was going at an insane 110mph because it was a fancy government produced boat
"Aww Jesus." said Cartman who had been minding the three baby dragons who seemed to have grown several inches since leaving Michael's Mall.
"Oh, Hannah, let go, for the love of God."
"I'm not religious." Hannah told Jess. "Also, just 'cause you're happy you've got Patrick back and you have Michael Palin as your father and you're content." Hannah took a breath. "Who the hell have I got?!"
"Hannah..." Jess said quietly, going pink. "You're embarrassing me in front of my patients-erm...friends..."
"You've got us, Hannah," Ben said, smiling weakly.
Hannah edged away from him but conveniently towards Kelly.
"Us too," Richard agreed, patting her on the shoulder.
'Out the way, I want Kelly,' she thought.
"Aw...now I'm lonely!" Jess moaned. "Who do I have?! Cartman?!" Cartman grinned up at her.

It was beginning to get dark and Hannah could barely see where she was steering the motorboat.
"Maybe you should stop now. You won't be able to see in the dark," Patrick advised.
"Hmm... well... what do the others think?" Hannah asked slowing down to around 107 miles an hour.
Patrick indicated behind him and Hannah saw Steve, Stuart, Richard, Chris, Ben, Kelly, Jess, Daniel, Cartman and the three dragons and their mother all fast asleep.
"Oh." Hannah slowly reduced their speed and when the boat finally came to a halt, she stood back from the wheel. "God, my back's stiff now," she moaned. "What happens if we run out of fuel?"
"We better get to my island or we're b*ggered." Patrick concluded shutting his eyes.
"Oh, great," said Hannah, she was going to go sit next to Kelly but she decided against throwing herself at men in general - if they liked her enough, they'd come to her... though Kelly was quite tempting.

Next morning Hannah not only couldn't move, but couldn't be bothered to move.
Jess kicked her: "Hannah, get up!" she whined.
Everyone was awake by now and the sun was beginning to melt the plastic lining in the boat.
"I told you - I can't move! Now b*gger off," she snapped, shutting her eyes. "Get one of those useless men to do something for once." She then fell asleep.
"HANNAH!" Jess insisted, kicking her again.
Hannah awoke reluctantly. "WHAT?!"
"Those 'useless men' are the problem, Hans, they've gone."
"Gone?!" Hannah sat up.
"Yes. We're near the island so they swam ahead." Hannah rolled over and clambered to her knees. Only about 100m away she saw the familiar site of Patrick's island, although it looked a right mess now.
"And they just all dived in and swam over there?"
"Yep."
"Cartman too? And the dragons?"
"All of them."
Hannah sighed. "Oh, damn."
"You missed Daniel take his shirt off."
"Oh, damn," Hannah repeated.
"Now DRIVE 'cos I ain't swimmin'!" ordered Jess pointing violently at the island.
Hannah reluctantly got up re-arranging several vertebrae up and down her spine. "You're a slave driver! Why couldn't you drive?" Hannah asked Jess who was sat down again and reading some magazines she had bought in Michael's Mall.
"Can't."
"Well neither can I but you don't see me sitting on my ass!" Hannah said grabbing hold of the wheel and stepping on the accelerator - nothing happened. "Oh my god! We're out of fuel!"
"What!?" said Jess.
"Oh, sorry..." said Hannah picking up the keys. "...Forgot to start it up."
Jess gave a sigh of relief and went back to her magazines.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Hannah.
"WHAT!?" Jess asked thoroughly fed up.
"We ARE out of fuel!!"
"Well I'm not swimming," said Jess.
"Oh come on, you did when our dinghy got stuck on the Great Barrier Reef."
"Yeah, but that was different - that was paddling."
"So?"
"Look... they're gonna come back," said Jess with confidence. "Daniel left his shirt behind."
Hannah's voice went dark and hoarse. "He could buy a new one."
"ARGH!" screamed Jess.
Hannah pushed her backwards into the water and Jess splashed weakly towards the shore, cursing Hannah as she went. Hannah just laughed evilly and jumped in after her.

<< back to Book 1.4

� Jess and Hannah 2001