The images swam in and out of focus, so dizzying that Wedge couldn't make out anything clearly.  He was disoriented by his surroundings, unable to concentrate, but he distinctly saw the glint of light from the steel of a blade, moving slowly towards him.  At the sight of that blade, he knew something horrific was about to happen.  Gripped with an intense and insistent primal fear, he screamed--

Wedge sat up in bed, droplets of sweat running down his forehead, stinging his eyes.  He realized that he was holding his breath, and suddenly gasped for air, swiping at the sweat on his face as Ajene sat up beside him.

"Wedge...what is it?" she asked quietly.  He took a few moments to catch his breath, and felt her arms enfold him in a hug, reassured somewhat by the warmth of her skin against his.  "What is it?" she repeated, her mouth close to his right ear.

"I...I had a nightmare," he managed to stammer, still unsettled.

"I thought they'd stopped," she said, tightening her hold on him.  "You haven't had one in a little while."

"I thought so, too.  But I--I guess not."  He finally managed to slow his breathing to normal, and Ajene released him.  He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees, hands pushing back his damp hair.

Ajene shuffled forward a little and turned to sit facing him.  "What's the matter?  Something must have happened to trigger it."

Wedge shook his head.  It had been about five months since he had been rescued from the clutches of Moff Lathel Tchlinda.  She had tortured him nearly to death several times during his five days of captivity, and he'd actually been physically dead and revived twice.  The Rogues, as well as two cruisers from Thyferra, Elscol Loro's band of rebels, and two members of Wraith Group had risked quite a bit to put a rescue plan into motion.  They had taken on Tchlinda, her Star Destroyer, Querulous, and a second Star Destroyer, borrowed from another Imperial fleet.  When the rescue force finally did reach Wedge, he was as close to death as he ever wanted to get.  Only the loyalty, dedication and selflessness of his friends had saved him, with the fortunate byproduct of freeing the planet from the evil clutches of the Empire.

The entire harrowing experience had left him physically weakened for a while, but it had also left emotional scars that he hadn't expected, one of which was the nightmares.  But he hadn't had one in several weeks.

"Nothing's the matter," Wedge bluffed as he thought back through his day, trying to think of something that might have set him off.  A face...  A hologram of a face...  And he had it.  The discussion with Tycho about Thras Nyl.  He knew that the thought of having Nyl in his squadron had left him uneasy, but not to this extent.

Ajene studied him for a moment.  "You know what it is, you just won't tell me."  She tried to mask the hurt in her voice, but it still peeked through.  Wedge reacted instinctively to that hurt, taking her left hand.

"There's nothing wrong, really."  He sighed before continuing.  "I had a talk with Tycho today about new pilots.  He wants to accept Thras Nyl's transfer to the Rogues.  I was thinking that maybe it bothered me a little more than I'd thought."

Ajene looked thoughtfully at him.  "I know that name... From somewhere...  Wait, he's the Imperial that was captured nearly a year ago at Bilbringi?"  Wedge just nodded.  "And you think he doesn't belong with the Rogues?"

He looked at her in the shadows, an exquisite vision he had imagined and longed to see more than a hundred times while she was gone.  "Why would I?  He's an Imperial, through and through.  Probably the only reason he's on our side now is because we shot him down.  He probably figured he could avoid prison by saying he'd always wanted to defect to our side or traded information for his freedom.  I wouldn't trust him as a pilot, and certainly not as a Rogue."  His head bowed slightly.  "I've unknowingly brought spies into my squadrons before, and I won't let that happen again."

She let out a long breath before resting her free hand on his knee.  "If you aren't going to let him into the Rogues, why are you worrying about it?"

Wedge couldn't meet her eyes.  "Because he's an excellent pilot and I have no reason to refuse him other than he's ex-Imp."

"So you're saying that you'll have to take him in, even though you don't want to?"

Wedge sucked in a deep breath, then blew it out as he nodded.  "He out-performs the other pilots on my short list as far as skill and even combat experience are concerned.  And Tycho's made his opinion quite clear; he thinks we should take him because there're lots of ex-Imps running around the New Republic, and that someone just has to give him a chance."

He still hadn't met her eyes yet, but there was an audible sigh.  "And you don't want to be that someone, right?"

"If it was only myself at risk, I'd say yes.  But I have to think of the rest of my pilots, not to mention the three other squadrons we’re flying with."

"There's no proof that he's anything more than a pilot looking for a place to fit in," Ajene said quietly, ducking her head enough to look into his eyes.  "I mean, he must've been cleared by Starfighter Command or they would never let him anywhere near an active squadron, never mind the Rogues, and you know that.  And Tycho would never endanger the Rogues, either.  Don't you trust Tycho?"

"Of course I do," Wedge blurted, before continuing more softly.  "There's no one I trust more.  Except... maybe you."

Ajene's lips quirked up into a tight smile before becoming more serious again.  "You know, it sounds to me like you don't place a lot of value in Tycho's opinion at all."

"If I didn't, I would have dismissed the idea outright, without any consideration," Wedge said in his own defense.  He wasn't sure he liked where Ajene was directing the conversation.

"But you've just admitted to me that the only reason you didn't reject it was because of Nyl's qualifications and you had no other grounds to dismiss him other than the fact that he was a TIE pilot.  You didn't mention anything about Tycho's opinion affecting your decision."

"No, I didn't," Wedge admitted.

"So I ask again--why don't you want to let Thras Nyl into the Rogues?"

Wedge shook his head vehemently.  "How can I take the chance that he may be a spy or sell us out to the Empire in order to get back to them?" he said, again not wanting to look her in the eye.

Admit it , you just don't want to trust him.  He knew, deep down, that there couldn't be that much of a threat from Nyl or the New Republic would have locked him up, not even considering letting him fly for their side.  And Wedge did place a high value on Tycho's opinion, no matter what Ajene was insinuating.  But he couldn't trust Nyl.  His recent experiences at the hands of Imperials had taught him one thing: the Imperial Navy and most everyone in it was evil.  Both his mind and gut were in agreement for once.

Ajene sighed again, and he looked up at her.  She reached out and took both of his hands in hers, squeezing them.  "Wedge, you know that I don't meddle with your squadron decisions, but I can't help feeling that you're letting past experiences color your perception of the situation.  You're lumping all Imperials into one mold, making decisions based solely on feeling and not rational thought.  I mean, what if someone reacted that way about Heblon?  I know you'd be the first person to defend and support him."

Wedge had to smile at the mention of Tonar Heblon.  The former Imperial Lieutenant was, as far as Wedge was concerned, a different case altogether.  He hadn't wanted to become a career soldier, having joined the Imperial Navy in hopes of becoming a medic or doctor in the service.  He had been forced to accept a commission and lead a stormtrooper squadron, though, serving on Moff Tchlinda's Star Destroyer.  Admiral Osiel Turpa, commander of the Querulous, was aware of Heblon's medical background and had assigned him to keep Wedge alive, knowing full well that the Moff would inflict terrible injuries on him.

Heblon had been uncomfortable with his position and duties throughout his Imperial service, but when he saw how Wedge was treated by his captors, and how the prisoner reacted to that treatment, he risked himself to save Wedge.  He contacted Elscol Loro and her group of rebels, even took a blaster bolt in the shoulder for Wedge during their escape.  As if that wasn't enough, had the Imperial Lieutenant not been on the Pulsar Skate when Wedge has gone into cardiac arrest, he would have died right there on the deck.

In gratitude for all the help and information that Heblon ended up supplying, General Cracken, Head of Intelligence, had arranged for Heblon to become a doctor on a New Republic medical frigate.  Wedge, however, felt there was nothing he could do to ever repay him for what he had sacrificed.

"Heblon came over voluntarily," Wedge answered sullenly, sensing that he had somehow lost the debate even before it had truly begun.

She frowned at his weak attempt to defend his position.  "How do you know that Nyl didn't have New Republic sympathies before he was captured?  Or if he planned to defect all along?  Or saw the error of his ways?"

"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" he asked resignedly.

She gave his hands another firm squeeze.  "I'm just voicing my opinion."

He leaned over and kissed her quickly on the lips.  "You know how much your opinion matters to me.  I missed it while you were gone."

"And I missed giving it."  She released one of his hands and reached up to run her fingers through his hair while leaning over to kiss him back.  His mind whirled as their lips met.  All thoughts of Thras Nyl disappeared, submerged beneath rippling memories of moments shared with Ajene.  As she broke the kiss and wrapped her arms around him, he was reminded yet again that he'd never really been able to openly admit how he felt about her.  Sure, he had shown her how much he cared, how much she had become a part of his life, but still...

He'd missed her and worried about her since she had gone off on her last mission, and Wedge realized just how much he really... He felt... Well, not to put too fine a point on it, you love her.  Now he wanted to be sure to tell her how he felt, in case he didn't have the chance to later.  He wanted to put his feelings into words; the words she was so patiently waiting to hear, the words he was waiting to say.  He wanted to finally admit that he was in love with her; not only to her, but to himself, as well.

Wedge had a good idea that she was waiting for him to say it first.  She knew that he was still learning to break down the wall that he had built around himself for protection and didn't want to put any undue pressure on him.  There were obviously still many bricks in the wall, but it was up to him to work at chiseling them down, not her.

He pulled out of Ajene's embrace, looking earnestly into her eyes.  He smiled at what he saw, at the understanding sparkling under her red lashes.  "Ajene...I..."  He struggled with his words for a moment, suddenly feeling more uncomfortable facing her than he ever had facing a roomful of Admirals.  The corners of her mouth turned upwards slightly, encouraging as she tightened the grip on his hands.  He took a deep breath and mentally re-plotted his course before trying again.

"Ajene, I want to say something to you, and I want you to know that no matter how it comes out, I really mean what I'm about to say; that it comes from the heart."  She remained silent, nodding for him to continue.  "While you were gone, I really missed you.  I would wake up at night and... And when you weren't there, I would feel so empty... and alone.  But I could still feel your presence with me."  He paused, bringing her hand up towards his face.  He turned it over, kissing the inside of her wrist, right on the pulse point, the rhythm of her life.  She smiled reassuringly at him again.  "After that, I thought...well...I wanted to tell you that...that I...uh...love you."  You sound like an idiot!  He felt his face flush and was glad that they sat in nighttime shadows.

Ajene's smile turned into a wide grin with his final words.  She lurched forward, throwing her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely on the mouth before pulling back.  "I love you too, Wedge," she exploded breathlessly before they both fell back onto the bed.

* * * * * * *

Later that same morning, Wedge found himself in his office.  He slouched back into his chair, behind his small and orderly desk.  He'd just sent the orders to Starfighter Command that would transfer three new pilots to his squadron.  They would be reporting to him within the week from their various locations, and their integration into the Rogues would begin.  He just hoped that he'd made the right decisions.

With a resigned sigh, Wedge reached for his comlink, picking it up from where it sat beside his datapad.  Twisting the end to the desired frequency, he thumbed the device on.  "Antilles to Colonel Celchu."

"Go ahead," came the crackling reply.

"Can you meet me in my office?"

"On my way, General," Tycho responded.  Wedge shut off the comlink and returned it to its place on his desk.  He walked over to the alcove that housed an elderly caf maker, and picked up the carafe.  He poured caf into two large mugs, displaying faded Rogue Squadron emblems.  By the time he returned to the desk with the two steaming cups, the chime of the door sounded.

"Come!"

"Tycho Celchu, reporting as ordered.  Sir."  Tycho crossed the room and stood at straight-backed attention just behind the chair opposite Wedge.

"Sit down, Tych," Wedge said, offering the second cup of caf to him with an easy smile.  Since he had admitted to Ajene how he felt about her, Wedge had a hard time not smiling.  It was a very good feeling, and he wondered once again why he hadn’t told her long before now.

"What's up, Wedge?" Tycho asked between sips of caf, grimacing slightly.  Tycho wasn't a fan of Wedge's caf, but he dutifully drank it anyway.  Wedge always made his caf strong, meant to be a real eye-opener.  With the amount of datawork he had these days, it needed to be.

"I just sent the order," he said as he handed Tycho his datapad.

His second glanced over the details, then up at Wedge.  The colonel wore an expression that was part surprise, part concern.  "Are you sure about this?  I really didn't think you would go through with it after our conversation yesterday."

"No, I'm not sure," Wedge admitted.  "But as a couple of people have pointed out to me recently, everyone deserves a chance, even Thras Nyl."  He moved forward, leaning his elbows on his desk, cradling his mug between his hands.  "I want him watched, though.  We’ll give him a chance to prove himself here, but anything suspicious and I send him packing.  Is that clear?"

Tycho's eyes narrowed slightly, but he quickly covered it with a smile.  "I get it.  Consider it taken care of."

"And watch the rest of the Rogues.  There may be some who don't take kindly to his presence."  Wedge leaned back again, shaking his head.  "Tych, I have to admit that I have a bad feeling about this."

Tycho shook his head slightly, leaning back as well.  "Trust me, Wedge, Nyl will make a great addition to the Rogues."

"He'd better," Wedge said.  "For all our sakes."