| WHY |
| Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive ? |
| The Glory Of Man Kind |
| In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.) On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down. On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.) |