Fifty (Tim);
Madness, Absolute Madness...
Filming's going surprisingly well. I was quite worried about working with Annette again, and the infamous Suzie, but apart from a few prop movements, they seem to have been behaving okay. The only time I felt a little nervous was when Heather came on location with me, and Suzie gave her this really scary look. I don't know what it mean, but I didn't like it! Luckily Heather wasn't looking. Don't want her getting freaked out or anything. She's already freaked out that this record-company guy wants her credited as 'Heather Lloyd-Gale' as opposed to 'Heather Burton' which was what she wanted. His reasoning is that because Lloyd-Gale was her stage surname, she should keep it as a front-man -uh, front woman...?- persona. She seemed really upset about it when she was discussing it with me. I tried to reason that it's just a name, but she wasn't having it.
"It's not 'just a name'!" she had protested. "I want the band to be recognised for their talent, not for what my surname was and what that meant." I had a vague idea of what she meant, but surely the surname 'Burton' is slightly more recognisable than 'Lloyd-Gale'? Oh I don't know. At least she's more cheery now. Since this whole band thing started happening she's been so much happier, so much brighter, which makes me wonder whether I've been holding her back. She was set to be a performer when we met, then we married and she stopped performing. Until now. Now we're back in England.
God, am I being paranoid again? I just worry so much that she's going to find someone better than me, someone who isn't so fucked up. I mean, sure, she isn't all sweetness-and-light-and-perfect-innocence and stuff herself, but she deserves better than me. Someone her own age, even! I don't understand why she stays with me --hell, I don't know why she married me for fuck's sake!- she's worth a hell of a lot more than me.
"Tim!" She comes bounding through the door, hair sticking up in all directions, and practically throws herself at me. I blink; why is she behaving like this...? It's those damn moodswings, isn't it? She's had them a lot lately. She'll be crying in a minute... "Sorry," she apologises, leaning up to kiss me before pulling away and nuzzling against me.
"Are you alright?" I ask her, raising my eyebrows a little. She looks up at me and smiles.
"Yeah! I just - well - Steve and Lex were being all snuggly and crap, and Tim came to pick Amy up and stuff and it felt like everyone was being all lovey-dovey and stuff and I just - just really missed you..." Her voice trails off as she looks down and puts her head against my chest. I don't know what to say; her words kinda caught me off-guard. After all the thoughts I had earlier, it makes me kinda breathless to have her nuzzling me like that.
"Uh... Right... Okay..."
Chapter 49 ; Contents ; Chapter 51
