Forty-Five (Heather); Life's a Show...
Nervous beyond belief... I'm standing offstage as the rest of the band warms up. I suppose I should do some more vocal warm-ups, but to be brutally honest I'm far too scared to! I was going to tell Tim Amy and I were going out for a meal after filming; I didn't want him there at my first ever gig, especially it being Boingo and everything, and I might fuck up, and I don't want to destroy his little illusions that I have talent, but...
When I went up to him the look in his eyes changed my mind. They're always so large, and when he's not hiding them behind those stupid sunglasses he insists on wearing you can tell practically everything he's feeling. He hasn't perfected the 'shutter system' like I have. He looked so hopeful, yet so worried, as if he was half expecting me to insult him or something. I couldn't bear telling him I wanted to go out somewhere without him, and somehow I found myself inviting him to 'a gig'. He looked so pleased, his eyes shone with this light that destroys the darkness usually residing there, and made me feel both exuberantly happy and unbelievably guilty that I wasn't going to ask him.
And now here I am, shivering with cold and nerves backstage whilst Amy, Tim and Tim are lurking around somewhere in the audience. Only Amy knows what I'm about to perform, and that alone leaves me with a very squeamish feeling in my stomach...
"And now, ladies and gentlemen! The newest and the strangest right here at Limelight! Comitted to bringing you the hottest new talent in the UK and beyond! I'm your host, Luke Davenport, and I want you to give it up for 'Fevered Sleep' with guest vocalist Heather!"
I'm not exactly part of Fevered Sleep, and I don't want them getting successful just because of my surname: I know they're good enough to make it on their own. There's a collective amount of scattered applause from the audience as the band strike up a note, and the stage goes black. 'Insanity'. Whose crazy idea was this, getting me to sing Oingo Boingo songs?!!! Crazy crazy crazy! God I'm terrified! I adjust my headset mic and bite my lip so hard I almost split it. Ouch. Scared... So very scared! This isn't acting; I have no character to hide behind, I'm just me...
But wait... I can pretend to be someone else... We've staged enough of these damn songs for me to pretend not to be Heather Burton... Perhaps I'll pretend to be the teenager I used to be... Whatever happens, I think as the adreneline pumps through me and a smile spreads across my lips without me even meaning for one to, I'll be fine! I'm still shaking, but that's normal, and for a fleeting moment of panic I forget which part of stage I need to be on.
Forcing away the panic mounting in my chest I run on into the darkness. Only bits of the stage have been illuminated, just a few key instruments. And not the front of the stage. My knowledge, or just sheer luck prevent me from running into either of the guitarists or Steve's xylophone. I crouch down at the front of the stage and force away the panic as I utter the first word and the lights blaze up almost blinding me.
"I'm so sorry, please forgive me... Who do I pray to, to straighten out these problems..."
Chapter 44 ; Contents ; Chapter 46
